Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't have this at all.
I don't allow children to decide when I need to explain myself. When they ask for something and I say "NO" their answer is OK. If I decide they need an explanation then I explain the NO. This is almost ALWAYS in safety situations. If I don't want them to do something that is unsafe to them, the other kids, the property... THEN I follow the no with an explanation. Other than that I don't feel obligated to explain reasons that are most likely something they either aren't going to accept or they don't understand.
Remember that when the kids are at your home they are in public. Your home is your home.. your kids home... but to the day care children it is their public. Would it be appropriate if an eight year old asked a parent in Wal Mart WHY the parent said NO to the kid having a new toy? Would it be appropriate for an eight year old to ask her teacher WHY another child went to the Nurse?
It's important to set the example that the child is a CHILD in the home and should not be a part of adult decisions and adult behavior. Their childhood should be about being a CHILD not being a part of adult things that are way beyond their understanding. They have their whole lives to be adults. Childhood is a very small window of time. Don't steal away her role as a child by allowing her to be a part of the adult world when she can not possibly understand it.
The kids time in my home is about being a kid and being WITH the kids. The shouldn't be devoted to what I'm doing. I want them to talk to each other. I want them to ask each other "why".
If the child is engaging the adult then they are NOT in the right environment. They shouldn't have a care about what you are doing. It should be boring to them compared to the fun of playing with friends and self entertainment.
When kids are overengaging the adult the best response is to answer with what they SHOULD be doing at that time. When they ask "why" so and so is in time out the answer is "GO PLAY". If you answer with a promt to get them back into what they SHOULD be doing then you don't have to worry about them disecting your answer to build their next engaging statement that is really just a disguise for arguing.
I also don't have the kids asking me for things. Whatever is available to them is already at their disposal. If they don't have it available they can't have it.
I decide what they do when they do it. I don't allow kids to ask me to do MORE. I have WAY more available to them than any eight kids could ever use in an entire childhood. The last thing they need is MORE or different. They've got a good gig here with lots to do to entertain themselves and play with the other kids. No need to ask for anything else.
If I "think" they may need different or more then I ask them if they would like it. The granola bar incident is a perfect example of a kid asking for more when "I" wouldn't have wanted him to have it. If I wanted him to have the option to have a second one I would have offered it with the first.
Let's get the kids back to being kids. They will be SO much happier and satisfied with the life in your home if you secure their role as a child first. Let them PLAY and not be concerned about what you, any other kid, or what they "can" have that is more or different. Let them be happy with what they have NOW and what you lovingly already provide. Be secure in what you are doing and KNOW that you don't need the influence of young children to dictate what you KNOW is right, good, and enough.
Sorry, WAY easier said than done! If one is in time out, one kid after the other comes by and asks why X is in time out. One thing I am constantly saying is, "Who is the only person that Sally has to worry about? Just Sally." I have a few I say this to multiple times a day. I am trying to teach them to mind their own business and not worry about what everyone else has and is doing, but kids will be kids. They are curious beings, I am just looking for better ways to handle it. And also I was venting a bit. I don't "allow" kids to question me, but they do it. And I have to respond appropriately. I would have to ban talking in this house to keep them from questioning anything and everything! LOL!