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Old 03-06-2012, 07:09 PM
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saved4always saved4always is offline
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.
I was fortunate that my own 3 kids did not bite. I have watched a couple of little boys who went through it though. And you are so right. Unfortunately, biting leaves a mark and there is less tolerance for it. I think it is often the way the young child lets another one know to back off.

The latest one who was biting is the youngest of the 3 children I currently watch. I absolutely adore this little guy and have watched him since he was 3 months old. He is 20 months old now and the only other child he has bitten is the 2 1/2 yo little girl. I think he bit her 3 times, hard. I watched very closely after the first time to try to "catch" him doing it so I could intervene. I noticed that he would bite because she would be taking a toy from him and pushing him. The one time, she took a toy from his hand and then held her arm in front of him to keep him away from it and he bit the arm she was pushing him with. I was able to stop him a few times when I saw it coming, but it is not possible to always be able to stop it. When I showed the mother of the little girl the bite, I made sure she knew that she was not an innocent bystander in the biting incident. There was a reason that he was just biting her. And you are right, his parents felt terrible about it and they really worked with him at home on it. He does seem to be over the biting stage now. I am glad that I was never given an ultimatum by the other mother so I was able to work with him to get over it.

I am very sorry that you are going through this with your son. It totally stinks that the biting leaves a mark that the other child's behavior does not. In a perfect world, the other child's parents would understand that their child has a big part in the biting situation and would work with thier child on that to help rectify the situation. Since this is a really imperfect world, that is not always how it is handled. Parents can get a bit hyper about a bite mark. I hope that your son gets over the biting quick so you don't have to feel so stressed.
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