Originally Posted by Needavacanow:
Hello ladies, have lurked here for years, created an account ages ago, and am finally going to post. Although I'm not an active poster, the advice on here has been invaluable, oftentimes hilarious, and I never miss a day. Thank-you to all you wonderful ladies
Sorry for the long post. Have a DCB, loves coming, mom drops off and is happy that he loves it here. Unfortunately overly sensitive dad picks up, and pick-ups have become worse over the weeks. DCB is now running from his dad and holding onto my legs not wanting to leave. Two year olds will do that, I'm sure he loves his dads hurt face, nothing more, nothing less.
Anyway dad is now taking it out on me. Started out by asking if he ate anything (love this kid, never have left overs), if he's able to have a rest here (yeah, tired kids wanna stay and play all night), is he going on the potty (constipation makes him want his caregiver?). Basically any passive aggressive remarks he can think of. And yes, I know these are normal questions from a parent, I talk about these things every day with other parents, this is just somehow different, accusatory rather than curious. Seasoned providers will know what I'm talking about.
So today dad shows up as we're just coming back from our walk, holding two other children's hands, DCB beside us stoops to put snow in his mouth as his dad is walking towards us. No big deal around here. As soon as DCB saw his dad he ran away crying, clinging, the usual BS. You know when you kind of know something's coming? Well I tried to busy myself with the other kids, getting drinks, ect but dad wouldn't leave and then finally blurted out 'Do you even watch DCB, you let him just eat off the ground'. I was kind of shocked, but (hopefully) covered it quickly and just said 'it's snow, kids eat snow, not a big deal DCD' in my best mommy voice. He kinda mumbled something under his breath and walked out, no good-bye or anything, which truthfully I'm getting used to.
The thing that bothers me the most is what does he tell his wife? I kinda suspect that it's not 'DCB runs from me screaming when I pick him up', more like 'Why the h*ll are we going to this place, DCPr is an idiot' or something to that effect.
Also, (yes another story) I was termed once when I first started about five years ago. We always came upstairs to meet the parents at pick-up. DCG went and got her empty yogurt as her mom was showing up, probably looked like we were having snack at 5, I really didn't think about it until the next day DCM gave two weeks notice because we weren't structured enough. I still want to pull my hair out just thinking about it. It was just such an untrue way to get termed. Can't argue if someone doesn't want to bring their child anymore, would be more demeaning.
This is really more of a vent I guess, but where do I go from here. I know the dad is hurt and taking it out on me in a passive aggressive way, I would like to ask them to leave so I don't dread pick-up (who of us dislikes pick-up) but I love mom and DCB. On the other hand I definitely don't want this family to pull their kid because who really wants to get termed for provider misconduct. Happened once and I do everything in my power to prevent it from happening again. So WWYD?
FYI- I never, ever pit two parents against each other, so talking to mom about dad, even if I was termed would never happen here. They're together for life, I'm here for a while. Also dad isn't the type you can gently explain things to, or talk to, he really doesn't listen past 'Hi DCD', seems to zone out like I'm not worth his time. So the 'this is normal pick-up behaviour' speech didn't fly once, not doing it again.
Also, because I'm blue, please tell me some of the usual reasons you've been termed, and for bonus points some outlandish reasons you've been termed, and for double points some on the spot, not overly professional, I just now grew a back bone terms you've done. PS I love details
Thanks for listening ladies
My biggest advice would be to call a conference with both of them. Say how DCD's comments makes you feel that they don't trust the care your are giving their son, ask if there are any concerns they would like to talk to you about. Tell them you only feel comfortable continuing the relationship if they trust you, otherwise they need to find care they can trust.
This will either stop the behavior or they will leave. I would bet that the behavior will just stop. If they really didn't trust your care, he probably wouldn't be in your care. Sometimes these comments come from jealously, or frustration at something else - and they get taken out on you. Bringing it to their attention, will hopefully help.
Oh lord. I've had some doozies, as far as why parents have left. One DCM said her 4yo said that we told him "playing with Barbies is gay if you are a boy" - NEVER in my life have I thought let alone said it. DCB had a 13 yo sister, so I am guessing that's where it came from.
DCM gave notice, because we told her that we couldn't have her child peeing all over the house while in underwear.
DCM left because we wouldn't bring her child to the bathroom every hour, on the hour.
DCM left because we wouldn't spank her child when she had an accident.
DCM gave notice because we kept correcting her child's behavior in her presence, when he broke rules. We were picking on him, according to DCM.
People can be downright crazy when you are dealing with their kids. A lot of emotions come into play, and I think a lot of it is based off of the loss of control they feel when placing their children in your care. There is a lot of jealousy from moms, and the feeling that they could be doing things better than you. Also, they want their children to be happy, but at the same time it is hurtful when their child can be so happy while someone else is caring for them. So many emotions, often contradicting, occur when dealing with parents and their children, and I have learned that I can never please everyone. I do my job the way I do it, the way I know makes me and the children the happiest, and if you don't like it there is the door (with a 2 week notice of course).
*** I just realized that 3 of those reasons had to do with potty-training. Which actually doesn't surprise me. Over 10 years, we have had some crazy potty-training requests. Hence, our iron-clad potty training policy.