It sounds like it's time to redo your policies, sit down with dcm and discuss this. Tell her if she doesn't trust your judgement then maybe it's time she look for other care. Maybe also tell her that her sons' issues are not that major, that you work on them in your dc and that, unless something extremely difficult happens, you'd like to keep dc separate from what they do at home for discipline. I have a hard time mixing dc/home discipline, unless it's an ongoing terrible issue. If she rewards every single thing that can be a problem also.
Just my 2 cents.
