Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Sadly, I know what I need to do but I am so conflicted over this. Really it is about the child . . . I am fortunate that my day care is full and I have two sets of parents waiting for spots so losing their business is not really a concern. The problem is I must come to terms with the fact that I am certain they will choose to move DCB to a center. Money is not an issue for them. They have always treated me well personally and financially. I have never had an issue with them paying and they themselves choose to pay the first of every month (I do not require this of anyone -weekly pay is my norm). On holidays and even my birthday they always give cash and it is usually at least one week pay ( with a heartfelt note which I really do believe is genuine). This is some of the reason I did not hesitate to accommodate them when they made this request to change scheduling. I have to add that I really do think that they are just clueless and the "new breed" of parent. In general, I think that they think they are doing the best and everything that they should be doing. The child is very well groomed, well dressed and they take care to provide very nutritious lunches and snacks (I wish I could say the same for the rest of my parents.). They seem to use their weekends for family time and seem to cherish their son when they are actually with him. Additionally, they are always asking me if the daycare needs anything, offering me toys, swings, pack and plays etc. and are the first ones to bring cupcakes if we are celebrating something or sometimes "just because". They actually considered a Nanny at one point and were very open discussing it with me, but ultimately decided that this was not a good move as DCB would be isolated and they know he is social, loves me and all his daycare buddies. Finally, not only do they live a comfortable mid-upper class two income lifestyle but the husband also comes from a lot of family money. Rumor has it is he is a trust fundy, they have no mortgage on an 800,000 home and that she chooses to work since she gets very depressed being stuck at home. I know that they are a comfortable type of person and that personal time is a must for them. Sorry for the lengthy posts but I am trying to convey why this is so horribly difficult. So there you have it, the only thing they do not have is another baby and that is in the works as I write. They will have no issue buying the extra time but I do have an issue with them not spending it with DCB and I will not be able to stand it. It will eat at me and slowly break down the relationship. Do I just suck it up and deal (with extra pay) or risk them taking DCB to a center if I am honest with my feelings about keeping a child 12 hours per day and(soon to be) policy regarding care during working hours (they are the first parents that I have had to deal with long hours with)? I think they would not mind the center atmosphere as long as they got the scheduling they wanted . . . Like I said before, "oblivious" is a good way to describe them. As long as things are no muss, no fuss, they smile, are thankful and don't make waves. What would you do?
By the way, in the past I did ask the DC Mom why Dad drops off in the morning and she shared with me that she has a very hard time attending to her son, while getting ready (showering, doing her hair) and she is required to pick up calls on her mobile early morning if need be.
I think reality is that their style of parenting is acceptable, like Nannyde said. I had no idea what I was in for when I went into this business, let me tell you! Never in a million years did I think a parent with a child in daycare wouldn't be speeding their way to pick him up so that they could get every precious moment with them. I thought the kids were going to be my problem lol!
One more thing: the nine hour thing - is that a general rule of thumb regarding in home daycares? Is it legal in Marykand to have your child in daycare for this long length?
Thank you all again.
Poison comes in many tasty flavors.
If you REALLY think about it... does the Xmas bonus, cupcakes, donations, clean kid with nice lunch etc. even come CLOSE at years end to the amount of extra hours you are doing for free?
Figure out what their rate is divided by nine hours. Let's say you make four dollars an hour. Doing three extra hours a day of AWAKE time would be twelve dollars a day ........ sixty dollars a week...... THREE THOUSAND dollars a year.
Now with that in your mind... is all the "special" they do really so special. I don't know about you but I would rather have the money or the kid nine hours a day.
I'm not buying the "have to take phone calls" in the morning. It sounds to me like they can well afford to have the Mom have a job where she works eight hours a day instead of work eight hours a day and do phone time in the morning.
It sounds like to me that it's just easier to not have the kid home PERIOD.
One thing I learned years ago is that there is NOTHING a parent can do that is actually EASIER with their kid. No matter WHAT... it's ALWAYS easier to NOT have your kid in tow.
She's just putting words onto it that COULD relate to work. That way the poison doesn't taste so bad. I think you have been bewitched by these guys and you need to sit down and do the REAL math of their behavior.
They do NOT want to spend time with their kid awake. They don't like it. They want someone else to have the kid awake. No matter how many words they throw at you... in your heart you know it is true. You got a nice serving of it the other day when she gleefully said "howdy" to you and then didn't come get her kid and was even ten minutes late to boot.
Don't be fooled by the "I could have a Nanny" deal. People like this CAN afford a nanny BUT..... and this is a big BUT...... if they have a Nanny the kid will BE at their house during their "meclock" time. They want the kid out of the house completely so they don't have to deal with them AT ALL.
They could do a Center and most likely will do a Center if you tell them that you won't do twelve hour days. That's between them and Jesus. If you can afford to let them go I would. Doing twelve hour days is REDICULOUS and even more rediculous when you KNOW they have the resources to get his day down to where they can care for him for a significant amount of his awake time.
It makes me really sad that they are wanting ANOTHER kid. What part of "I don't like taking care of my kid" do they not GET? I have been seeing this trend over the last few years where I honestly believe there is a subsect of Moms out there who want another kid because they find out that the nine months they are pregnant and the birth/post birth time is such a HIGH attention getter for them that they want to have a baby JUST to have the attention of having a baby.
As soon as they get home with the kid and the attention goes from them to them giving the kid attention they want the kid somewhere else. They don't really LIKE the taking care of the kid. They honestly believe the weekend time is SO hard for them that they are really parenting and doing a super job if they can pull off two days a week.
It's pathetic.
I think child care training should include specific training about recognizing the signs of parental alienation and giving methods of dealing with this in your contracts and policies. We spend so much time training providers on "educating" kids and not a minute on something like this that is SO much more important to the kids life.
If the State isn't going to be the gatekeepr on total number of hours in care then WE have to be the ones to do it. We need to do it because IT IS best practice to NOT have a kid in your home ..... in your care ...... for more than nine... max ten hours per day. It's NOT good for the kids and I believe WE should refuse it. There's not enough money to get me to do the wrong thing. I won't even interview people like this.
Really THINK about whether or not you can morally do this. You may loose a client but you also may be the first person in her life that puts a flicker of remorse in her brain for what she is doing. Having a kid awake for an hour a day when you have the resources to have him home completely or in markedly reduced hours is just WRONG. Everyone else may be jealous of her or encourage her but that doesn't have to include you.
We need some PSA's hammering home the fundamental truth that children need AWAKE time with their parents EVERY day. They NEED to be P-A-R-E-N-T-E-D. No matter how great we are we are not their parents. The only way to learn how to be a parent and be good at it is to actually take care of your kid for a significant portion of their AWAKE time every day. There's no such thing as quality time. You CAN'T have quality time if you don't have quantity time.
My life experience tells me that a child needs five hours of awake time a day with a parent at the least. I look for clients that have five hours of awake time every day. All of my clients spend that amount of time every day. They know their own kid and they GET how hard I work every day because they know what it is like to take care of their kid. Every parent I have has breakfast at home with their child in the morning..... a REAL cooked breakfast and a sit down breakfast every day. They pick up early enough to spend time with their kid and they keep them up in the evening until about nine every night.
I respect them so much for making those choices for their kid.... and for picking me
I can't work for people I don't respect. I have great parents and believe me... it's not an accident.