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Old 07-26-2010, 11:56 PM
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QualiTcare QualiTcare is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,484

i didn't read every single post in detail, so before anyone thinks i'm talking to them, i'm NOT...

but when i was a single mom, i worked 40 hours a week and went to school full time (i still have the student loans to prove it). i didn't get food stamps, housing, etc, but i did get HELP with daycare. i didn't get it for FREE, but i got a discount. i can see how people would think that's not "right" or "fair" because the last 2 years of college i worked for a daycare.

i saw parents that had NO job come and drop their kids off in their pajamas. they got free housing, food stamps - the whole nine. that was hard when i was a broke, single mom that would love to spend the day with my daughter. i would think to myself, "must be nice. maybe i should just quit my job at sit at home." i wanted to strangle them! BUT i wanted a degree so i didn't (quit and sit at home). there came a point where i realized, yeah, they're getting free food and housing and insurance, but their lives are going to suck FOREVER - and mine will get better - which it did. i OWN my house, i OWN my car (meaning no payments) and i give back to the community.

they're still living in the projects, driving junk cars, getting dirty looks - and i own a house, i'm paying taxes, and children and parents look up to me and come to ME for advice which is still humbling. IF i had not worked, i would've gotten food stamps and housing and all those things. it makes people that were in my situation (going to school AND working full time) wonder -why am i doing this? i could get food and rent for free if i just quit. i thought it many times, but there ARE people like me who think of the future.

i guess the point is - although i KNOW from experience that many of these moms take advantage - there are still good, young moms who are trying hard to do the right thing - so remember that. i always sensed the "yeah right" thoughts when i was a young, single mom and told people i was going to be a teacher. i didn't blame them - it just made me want to work harder.

for the record, whoever said something about child support first, uncle sam second - that actually is the case (at least in TN). like i said, i didn't get housing, food stamps, etc., but if i wanted to work, i had to have help with daycare. it was either work full time/go to school full time and get help with daycare OR sit on the couch and get everything free for 18 years. i was so embarrassed to have to ask for help with daycare (but more embarrassed to sit at home and do nothing) and they told me the catch to receiving childcare assistance was that i had to cooperate with child support enforcement - not that i had a problem with that. in other words, if i wouldn't submit to a DNA test or appear in court to get child support out of my child's father - i couldn't get help with daycare. i agreed to cooperate with child support - BUT you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip.

i'm successful now, my daughter is six years old, and her father owes thousands. that's with the state pursuing him. he goes to court still and they let him go. he might not pay on time or pay the full amount, but how much will he pay if he's in jail?

and to those people that think "girls" should choose more wisely, all i have to say is LUCKY YOU! i don't think anyone chooses a man that will turn into a deadbeat, and if you think people don't change, you haven't done much living.
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