Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
I agree with all of those. May I ask what you disagree with?
#1 and #2 are exactly right. #3 is a wonderful point that more parents need to be proactive about (stopping things early instead of fighting them later, like nail chewing, or constant need for sippy cups, or whatever).
#4 isn't saying not to let children know when they really are too little or too young for something, it's saying not to do things like stand over them and tower over them while we talk to them, not to baby talk and belittle them, things like that. Get down on their level, speak with respect and understanding, that kind of thing. You (general you!) know how sometimes someone can say something that makes you feel about two feet tall? That's the kind of thing this is talking about.
#5 means to avoid embarrassing children in front of lots of people--it's asking you to take a child aside and talk to them more "in private" rather than making it a public display of correction, if that makes sense. Think about how you would like a fellow adult to correct *you*, and behave accordingly toward children. (that's a general you not a specific one!)
#6--well, I'm not religious, so I can't comment, but I cringe when hear parents telling their child that hitting their brother was a sin and they need to pray for Jesus to save them from their wickedness...using prayer as a punishment just seems back-a$$wards to me...
#7 is spot on as well. Saying "I hate you" is often code for "I have big feelings about something and I don't know the words to express them right now," and it also sometimes means that you're actually doing the right thing. It's a sign that the child is feeling completely out of control, and often is a kind of anxious lash out where the child is really looking for validation of the parent's unconditional love ("Are you a safe space for me to share my darkest feelings? Will you still love me if I show my worst to you?")
ITA. I also feel like if all parents followed these rules, I wouldn't have half the issues with children that I do.
1. Don't Spoil me. I know quite well that I out not have everything thing I ask for. I'm just testing you.
We all know you shouldn't spoil a child with things. I have a dcb that receives a NEW TOY everytime he poops on the potty. It's been going on for a MONTH, it's getting to the point he is holding some back and going again so he can get two toys. Not small things either, new trucks, cars, etc and if he fills his sticker chart at home, he is getting a giant box of toys. If he wants to take something home, his parent/s fully expect he should be able to take it! I have had to tell dcb that he cannot HAVE my toys every single day at pickup for quite some time, to which he sometimes throws a massive FIT.
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me, I prefer it, for I feel mor secure.
We all know that the kids who act out are doing so to FIND boundaries. I don't have the behavioral problems the parents do because the kids KNOW better. They also know that 'we don't use running feet because Miss. **** doesn't want us to get hurt!'
3. Don't let me form bad habits,I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
How many of your dck's have TERRIBLE habits that could have been nipped in the bud months/years ago? Rocking to sleep, pacifiers, sippy cup use beyond certain ages, grazing instead of sitting at the table for meals, picking their noses, etc
4. Don't make me feel smaller then I am. It only makes me behave to big.
I never belittle children. I talk to them in a grown up voice, at their level, with respect and kindness. They talk to me in the same manner. I don't use baby talk.
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it.
Especially for older kids, this is HUMILIATING, I always pull kids aside to speak with them.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins, it upset my set of values.
I have a Christian family in care, and it takes everything in me not to react when dcm tells dcg that her lying (kid fibbing) is a sin and makes baby Jesus cry.
7.Don't be upset, when I say "I hate you", it's not you I hate, but your power to hinder.
ITA with this. BUT, hate is a bad word in my house. I always correct this and give them the words they need "I don't like that you ________"