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Old 01-08-2015, 08:48 AM
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MOM OF 4 MOM OF 4 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 299

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
I wrote a week or 2 ago about terming a family I have who are also close friends of ours. I wasn't having any major issues with them, but I'm in a position where I need all full time families right now to make my numbers work. I offered them full time and they didn't want to take it so I told them up front that I would be advertising to find a full time family. When I actually found someone, the term did not go very smoothly. The mom was upset that I didn't give them the option to go full time again. It wasn't the worst ever by any means, but mom is not very happy with me. I gave them a whole month and told them their last day would be at the end of January. Mom texted last night saying today would be their last day. This whole day I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I just feel sick over it. I feel bad that a business decision had to be made at my friend's expense, I feel bad that she didn't even try to understand what I'm going through or why I had to make this decision, and I feel bad that I didn't want to try other things to make this work. I don't know how pick-up will go, but I imagine it will be awkward. Dad is picking up and has not had one thing to say about this whole situation, so I'm not sure what he is even thinking. What do you say to families as they leave for the last time? Is there anything I can say to make this better or less awkward, or should I just keep it business as usual? I made a DVD of pictures for my last family who left me on good terms, but DH said that was in poor taste in this situation because I am the one doing the terming in this case. I don't know what my question is exactly, I'm just looking any experience you may have had with terming friends, good or bad and maybe what I should say to them as they walk out the door... "I will miss you" or "bye see ya later"?? Ugh!
I wouldn't feel bad at all. First, think about your friendship. If she were a TRUE friend to begin with, she would not have asked/expected you to take a hit like you were doing for much longer. You did her a BIG FAVOR for a long time, and that she should be grateful for. Secondly, you DID offer the spot, and SHE declined. How many times are you to offer spots? You told her after the declination, you were interviewing, you did so, and you filled the spot. This was not a big secret. Why would you interview and tell the next person "welcome" only to have to tell them "Oops, never mind, my friend changed her mind, so you can't start". That's bad business. Third, your friend KNEW you were looking and at ANY time she could have come to YOU and said "Have you filled spots yet? No? Well, I wanted to chat about maybe taking a FT spot after all..." She did not, so now she put HERSELF in a position where she lost her spot. None of this is your fault.

It sounds like you did the RIGHT thing at pickup. If she still wants to continue the friendship outside the daycare, then that's great! If not, then you know how solid your friendship wasn't to begin with...

I would also advise: in the future, do not do business with friends. Maybe on a "drop in" emergency basis only, but I would never do FT with them.
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