Originally Posted by Elko:
I've seriously tried about 100 times to get her to tell me EXACTLY what to do. I say, "ok, what time do you want to start naptime?" And "So you want to start just putting the boys down and not spending a minute on them? I'll do that if you want, just tell me" (after she goes on about how she wants them to be able to go to sleep on their own, and she doesn't think we need to respond to crying unless it's a real distress cry, yadda yadda.) Then she says "Oh I'm fine with spending a few minutes getting one down then bringing the other up..." It just goes in circles. I swear, I've gotten like creepily clear and she refuses to give in. Yesterday I said "ok what time should I bring them in for a snack?" (We were doing 11:00 but she started acting like that was too early, in a weird passive-aggressive way, so I asked very clearly). She said "oh I don't know, maybe a little closer to 11:30, just see how they're doing". (When I use my own judgment she doesn't believe me or thinks I'm being controlled by tantrums). I said "I'd rather you tell me a time and I'll just make it happen, I don't want to be wrong". She got wishy washy. I said "Ok, 11:30. I'll do whatever I have to do to make them last until then". (We have a difficult one who won't eat at meal or snacktime and gets starving and tantrumy right in between).
So there's a rambling example of what happens several times a day at this point.
I had someone come in to assist me a few hours a week and even though I was an experienced provider I found it a bit much to say exactly how I wanted things while doing what needed to be done at the same time. It isn't like an office where you can tell a worker to do a,b, and c and walk away. At home you start telling her a and you get distracted. I guess what I am saying is that I had a hard time training someone while I was actually doing the job. Plus I wasn't picky about things being just so-so anyway. So what happened is my assistant (a middle school,home schooled neighbor) was so perceptive. She stopped asking me what to do and just did what she thought I needed. She was really good. If she saw me struggling with feeding everyone and the baby was crying, she'd just get the baby food and start feeding the baby. So maybe you could go with something like that.
I sense she is against breast feeding at your daughters age also. While it wouldn't be my preference either, sorry, I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place but that is water under the bridge now.
Hope this helps. It almost sounds like what I said above is what you are already doing but just in case it isn't, try it. Good luck.
Laurel