Originally Posted by professionalmom:
Here's a question: for those who have had parents that have tried to bicker and deal over payments (after signing our contracts), were those parents younger or older? I have found that the younger the parents, the more wiggle room they seem to think they have to haggle after signing the contract. That's not to say that there aren't young parents that understand that they owe X amount each week. But overall, I have had the most problems with younger (18-24 year old) parents. The older ones almost never come to me with some sob story or asking for a break for this or that.
Could there be a link between this "don't just say no, redirect their attention to something else" attitude and the younger parents not understanding what "no" means?
I've thought a lot about this lately. We have two generations we are serving: the parent and the child. Both generations have been brought up to not accept the NO. Here we are in the middle of this working for one generation that doesn't want a NO and caring for the children who haven't received NO's and now a societal belief system and child care training for providers telling us that we shouldn't be giving any NO's.
We can't win. We are the ones in the system that are to be giving the YES. We get to be the one saying and doing YES for three bucks an hour. YES can't be bought for three bucks an hour.
I think one of the major reasons that SO many children are extremely difficult to care for at an ever increasing younger age is that the parents want a YES in their lives and the kids aren't giving them the YES they want. An ever demanding baby is a big fat NO to the one caring for them. The end result of this is kids being put in child care when the parents really don't need care.
How many of us have been upset because kid after kid that we care for have such a small amount of face time with their parents every day? How many of us have had kids who attend care nearly 52 weeks a year? How many kids do we have brought to us sick because the parents have used up all of their paid time off with ME days? How many of us realize as the years roll on that kid after kid have spent precious little vacation time with their parents?
How many of us have been asked to keep kids up all day long so that they drop dead to sleep as early as possible at night? How many of us have kids from open to close day after day... having parents use the maximum amount of hours they can possibly get in the contract? How many of us have seen the involvement of extended family in the care of kids dwindle down to nearly nonexistant after the baby reaches the age where they are mobile?
Why are children being shuned by this generation of parents? I think it's because this generation of parents can't accept the NO that is coming from the day to day care of their kids. They don't want to be around people who aren't giving them a YES and kids don't give a YES to parents until they have a childhood of NO'S that are enforced by the parents.
The parents don't want to give NO's to the child because there is a fall out from telling kids NO. You have to FIGHT THE FIGHT once you give a NO and that would be a NO to the parents at the moment peace and happines.
It's a bad deal and it's getting worse. It's very hard to find a client base that are willing to accept the NO's that come along with fair and reasonably paid good child care. It's very hard to find children who are being raised by parents willing to sacrifice their immediate happiness and FIGHT THE FIGHT that it takes to raise good strong stable BEHAVING and respectful children. It's very hard to find parents who are willing to do the work to provide healthy eating, sleeping, and basic manners and social behavior. That pool of parents is shrinking. They aren't impossible to find but the pool is getting smaller and smaller as we get closer and closer to the generation of parents who were raised with the "don't tell them no.. make your no into a YES or you will hurt their little feelings and self esteem". When we start working for the parents who have been raised with the "one minute of time out for every age"... "nobody gets to win in soccer... everybody gets a trophy"... "pass them in school whether they know the material or not... no child left behind"... When THESE parents are our entire customer base we are going to have a very messed up and unhappy profession. We are going to have a worse turnover and burn out than we have ever seen.
It can't work. A provider can't be sandwhiched into two generations of people who have to have a YES in order to be happy. To be a good provider you have to have NO'S in your contract and NO'S to the kids you care for. We can't be YES to everyone.. it's impossible.
As a side note... I have to really feel for the teachers who have 25 of these kids in their class. The only thing they have going for them is that their paycheck isn't going to be dependent on saying YES to each of the kids and saying YES to each parent. They don't have the pressure of knowing that each one of these "must have a Yes parents" don't hold a fifth/sixth or whatever percentage of their income. They also have a group of administrators there to give and reinforce the NO'S that come when you have your child in a large FREE public school.
They do have to BE with these kids seven hours a day though and that has to be getting a LOT harder to do. My friends that are teachers are telling me that it is hell for months when they start kids in the lower grades. They tell me they can tell which kids have been raised in a good strong home day care where they were made to mind and made to be independent in their play and work. They are the ones who really appreciate our hard work because we are one of the few segments of society that are making their jobs SO much easier.
So yes... I do see a difference with the younger parents and I believe it is because they are the front end of the "YES" generation.