This is not normal toddler aggression.

I know it's your friend and you have a vested interest in making this work but it can't. You have to understand that your child can't safely play with this child. It's not about your friendship with her Mom. It's not about what you want to do for socializing with your kid, her, her kid on a play date.

It's about the fact that this little girl can't manage being in the same close space with your child without getting violent. You have to do what is best for HER. She shouldn't be exposed to your child because she can't manage it without aggression. Your meetings are too much for her so you have to stop doing it.

Just have an honest discussion with her Mom and tell her that you and your daughter are upsetting her child to the point where she reacts violently. For her daughters sake it's best to not have play dates where the kids CAN be physically close enough to touch each other. When you guys see each other the kids need to either be buckled in a stroller or buckled in a car seat. If there comes a time when the kids need to get out of being buckled in then you have to end the visit.

This is just part of being a parent. Sometimes you have to set limits that are really uncomfortable and make you define specifically what you can and can't do. Sometimes defining what you can and can't do means that you have to specifically say things about someone or their kid that they will be hurt hearing and won't want to accept or abide by.

I don't know about the kids medical condition but in the end it really doesn't affect this decision. You aren't going to be more willing to allow your kid to be attacked if you know the violent kid has medical or retardation issues. She can be the victim of an attack by a normal kid or a kid who has issues... same difference to her. Being scratched, pinched, punched, feels the same whether the kid who does it is medically okay or not.

If this person is a bff then you have to call on that to get her to hear that you want to SEE them but you can't have your kids having physical access to her kid until she has a LONG period of time when she is violence and aggression free.

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