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professionalmom 01:09 PM 07-28-2010
Originally Posted by emosks:
For those of you that are so proud of never leaving your children what are you going to do when it's time for school? I've been on both sides of the fence. A mom that worked almost 50-60 hours a week with kids in daycare and now a mom that is still working 50-60 hours a week running a daycare.

I am appalled by some of the comments providers here make about parents. Absolutely appalled. Sometimes it leaves me speechless. You never know why a parent is taking a day off or even week. It might rekindle the marriage so you aren't dealing with single parents in the future. Think about that.
Thank you so much for showing concern for my DD and her emotional well-being. It's so nice to hear that others are concerned about how I raise my child. I will most likely homeschool and by the way, my DD is very well adjusted and has never really shown ANY separation anxiety on those rare occasions that we have to leave her with family so DH and I can attend appointments that we both have to be at or for the OCCASSIONAL date night. My DD is more well-adjusted than ANY of the DCKs I have ever had. But this COULD be because she knows that mom and dad are never gone for long and are usually back before she gets bored with grandma, grandpa, uncle J, or Aunt T.

Oh, and why can’t parents “re-kindle” at home after 8pm or 9pm when the kids are in bed? Do we really need a hotel and a beach to re-connect and “feel the love”? That’s pretty sad if you do. My DH and I never got a honeymoon, yet we have a wonderful DD and have still found time to “re-kindle” and make twin girls (due in Nov) all while I worked 80 hours a week, he worked 40 hrs a week and had FT school. I guess we are just a little more creative or a little more dedicated to “finding time for each other” in the midst of LIFE.

Originally Posted by emosks:
I forget....you and a few others on the board are always right! DUH! What was I thinking?
Nice sarcasm. So, you think that those of us who have different opinions are so self-righteous. Sounds like you are projecting. Just in case you are not aware of what “projection” is, that is when you see an attribute in others that you detest when in reality you are the one with that attribute. I.e., when a compulsive liar hates it when others lie.

Am I proud that I have spent little time away from my DD? Heck, yes! I had her so I could be a MOM, not her babysitter. I wanted to raise her, not have someone else raise her. So far, I have accomplished this goal and I WILL NOT apologize for it. I never said that people who do not spend all their time with their kids are bad parents. Re-read my posts. You will find that I am VERY understanding about parents who have to do what they have to do to put food on the table. As a matter of fact, my previous post on this thread (re-posted below) shows that I support an occasional vacation away from the kids, but I feel that it is best when the kids are older and can spend a week away for the parents without it causing any trauma. I do NOT support parents who spend every moment of their vacation time away from their kids.
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
No one here was talking about the occasional vacation. I understood it to mean the parents that use every possible moment they can to be AWAY from their kids and not have to actually PARENT them. Everyone needs a break. And when my children are older and can handle it, we plan to get away a little bit. But when they are 12 months old and already spend 50+ hours in daycare away from mom and never see dad? Come on people. No one ever said that parents are selfish if they take the occasional vacation without their children.

Originally Posted by emosks:
It sounds to me like most of you who do talk about parents like this need to find a new profession...or new families.
It’s sad that you don’t see that we are concerned ABOUT the KIDS that we care for. So, according to you, we should shut up, not have opinions, and not speak up when children are being neglected and pawned off to othes every chance the parent gets! There is a saying, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” But I guess, according to you, we should shut up and let parents do whatever they want and keep harming these children while the children suffer in silence.

We love these children and want the best for them. But I guess, according to you, that’s grounds for us to “find a new profession” – why? Because we care TOO much.

Originally Posted by emosks:
My point about a new profession or families was not based only on this post....it's based on the majority of the posts I've read since joining the board last year. It just seems there is a lot of parent bashing on here and not a wanting to understand why some of the parents do the things they do.
I do try to understand why people do what they do. But sometimes it is not a matter of understanding. If someone commits murder, I don’t have to “understand” why. It’s wrong no matter what. Same thing with a parent who NEVER spends ANY time off with their kids. Some things do warrant understanding, some do not.

Originally Posted by judytrickett:
"We" who feel this way have posted our info before. Go and search professionalmom's posts. She has a degree in criminology and has posted in the past very concrete articles and information on the affects of non-parental quality involvement on children. It's all there in black and white.
Thanks for the shout out. But, what do we know, Judy. After all, we’re “just the babysitter”, right? Oh, and we are not entitled to have opinions. We’re horrible b****es if we express any opinion that MIGHT show that parenting has taken a nosedive in the last 30 years. But, don’t worry, Judy, I have your back and I will not stop trying to get people to hear my opinion because my opinions ARE based on research, experience, and the pain I have seen in the eyes of many children who are begging for a little time and attention from mom and dad. THEY are why I speak up.