Maybe you could steal that idea from Oprah or whoever about signing a cell phone contract. You and ex-h and dd sit down make a list of rules and consequences and have her sign it. If she breaks a rule she will be fully aware of what the consequence will be. This way there is no room for complaining because she is fully aware of rules etc....if she still tries complaining/having a fit; I used to tell my daughter "Thanks for clearly demonstrating that you are nowhere near mature enough to
(whatever our argument was about.) "
Just like the dcp's; you sometimes have to take the 'heart' part out of it and only deal with the logical part of it.... I like clear rules, expectaions and consequences. Makes it easier for everyone in the long run.