A bit of background,
I recently took on a school-age child, who recently moved to the neighborhood. This girl happened to get placed in the same class as my daughter-first grade. I am also caring for her eighteen month old brother.

I've been finding it very stressful with the school age girl. Everything is a power struggle. I've gathered she runs the show at home, and is bribed to do pretty much everything.

For the most part, she gets along well with my daughter-as long as my daughter plays the way she wants. Otherwise, she starts nitpicking and looking for reasons to tattle.

Last week, she arrives at my home throwing a full tantrum, not wanting to go to school. Mom tells her to explain why, and she hysterically sobs that my daughter takes away her books, toys etc in class, and she feels "too sad" to go to school. All of this right in front if my daughter. Mom then proceeds to have her repeat it. My daughter looks mortified, I feel mortified. I immediately say, I am sorry you are sad but I'm not sure what goes on at school, however I will be contacting your teacher today and if DD is doing this, it will be handled.

I contact the teacher via email, and she requests a phone meeting with me at lunch. Great, I think, DD is acting up at school.
Well, teacher let's me know that my DD is in no way behaving this way. In fact, quite the opposite. Dcg has zeroed in on my daughter, wanting to be the only one to play with her. When my DD plays with other classmates, dcg lashes out by knocking things off my daughter's desk, trying to rip her art etc. After a particularly bad day, teacher moved dcg's desk on the opposite side of the room from my daughter.

The teacher also said she was calling dcg's parents next to inform them, of the same information.

So yesterday, dcm is upset with me for contacting the school. I told her, I took her daughter's allegations very seriously, and if my daughter was involved in that bullying behaviour, I would step in-but in no way would I punish my child before receiving all the facts. I wasn't calling about her child, I was calling about mine.

I am very sour grapes about this. I feel like dcm handled this situation so poorly, she should have spoken to me directly. Dcg was not made to apologize to my daughter at pickup, yet there was an expectation I make my child do it right in front of dcm. At pick up yesterday, mom holds her so tight, saying she is so sorry she has to go to school...just feeding into the "poor dcg," story.

How would others feel/respond in this situation? I feel I was right contacting the school...but all of dcm's drama makes me second guess it at times!

Thank you.

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