I've been a provider for over 12 years and have only had one child whose parent requested no naps so their 4 yo child would sleep at night. Which I accomodated. Then the child bragged before and after nap about how *she* got to do fun things while the rest had to nap. I then had 5 children all resisting, and I worked my tail off trying to please them all during quiet time. By the end of my 11 hour day my bladder was bursting, tummy growling, the dog was "cleaning" up the messes for me and I was so exhausted that I had no "me" left for my own family. I endured this for months. Hardly the non-accomodating provider portrayed here. You know what I finally found out? This child obviously couldn't keep secrets (hence all the other children knowing about her special treatment) and she started sharing how her evenings were each night. I finally asked mom and dad if these things were true and they were
1.) She skipped nap here, but fell asleep daily in the car ride home or as soon as they got home and slept til dinner. Stayed up until nearly midnight in mom and dads bedroom watching things like South Park. Yes. South Park. Because it was her favorite show and she "knew better" than to imitate it.
2.) They would drive her to the store or fast-food restaurant late at night when she wouldn't sleep to quell the tantrums that she wasn't tired, with the promise that after the treat she would willingly try to sleep. Yup. Special treats for the poor thing, she wanted to please them oh so much but just couldn't.
3.) They didn't request no naps on their own. She had told them to make me stop them. She was making the rules for herself through mom and dad.
4.) I had also been asked to stop serving her foods she didn't like. Because the Doctor had "suggested" cutting out certain foods to "help her sleep". Asked for a drs note and then was told they were experimenting with this on their own, and had built off of a small suggestion the dr had made. This child later bragged to the other children that she got mommy to make me give her what she wanted to eat. The child thought it was great fun to point out that she was in control, not me.
I finally told the parents that if this child didn't stop sharing these things with the other children her special fun time would stop. They were all trying to get on board with this "I don't have to do what you ask, my mommy will tell you so". I just started to spin everything into a way that made them sound more like extra rules for her instead of accomodations. "Oh, too bad you arent allowed to take naps, we love our naptime" "Sorry you arent allowed to have carrots, they are cut into really cool little shapes today!" You know what, she started begging for these "priveledges" back. Mom backed her right up. I could eat lunch again! Yay!
It was a control thing. The OP is not the exact situation, but I wanted to give a side that would let you know *why* we are hesitant to change our routine for one. It took me almost a year to fix the disruption this caused, and to find out it was for a child's whim or that a parent that hid the fact that they allowed naps (it's not really a nap if it's the car ya know) from me that whole time has made me a bit anxious to encounter it again. I am not inflexible, just a victim of one bad experience. We are programmed to learn from negative experiences, it is total instinct. I have to slow down and remind myself, not all parents are like this. Just like not all home providers are the same either.
BTW - I still have this child. Surprising, I know. But in my eyes, the child was merely doing what she had been allowed to do and she had already been in 5 care situations by the time I got her. She needed to belong somewhere, and I was willing to start over for her sake. We communicated both sides and I still allow her to not sleep if she wishes so long as the other children are none the wiser, and she doesn't need to me to engage her in activities the whole time. I periodically check with the parents about car naps and late nights, and adjust her day if necessary, but we are all good most of the time. Mom no longer asks me to make exceptions for her. What Kim says goes. I now love this child. She knows she is loved as well, so there is no need to be the "special" one. She knows she is special to me.
I would love to have a parent being honest and trying to make it work. Compromise works for me and builds strong relationships with my clients. Yes, I prefer them to all nap. Yes, you prefer them to go to bed earlier. Sometimes we just have to meet in the middle somewhere so we both stay sane lol. I have never terminated a child for not napping. I didn't term my own, and I love my dc kids nearly as much as them.
I hope you find a place that can work for you. Please don't think that providers that require naps are all evil and selfish. My policies portray me as one of those as well. BUt the reality is that I will bend over backwards in an attempt to find a solution that works as long as the relationship is positive on all other levels. But I'm human and appreciate a lunch break as much as the rest of the employed population.