I agree with your assessment that being made to work on self-help skills may be causing some of the problems. Some children that are used to parents doing things for them often experience a sort of anxiety when made to do it themselves. However, after they master the skill they return to normal. I always have to tell parents “x is working on x which is hard work. You may experience some reluctance when he comes to daycare for a few days because as much as he wants to be a big kid it’s a difficult transition and I’m making him try before I help.”

I also agree that him wanting to stay home likely has to do with being in daycare full time and possibly knowing sister is with mom. Sensitive kids can be interesting like that.

However, I have this exact family in my care and the number #1 problem is that daycare dad reads way too much in to things and talks to his child way too much about trivial matters which causes the child to have odd, anxiety prone types of behaviors in dad’s presence. I think the child picks up on dad’s concern and it causes the child anxiety. I only see those behaviors at drop off and pick up.. Sounds weird right? This angelic child was having a meltdown on the way in to my house at drop off because a button wasn’t buttoned correctly. Dad stayed outside with him, blocking the driveway and talking to him about it for a good 5 minutes. I finally poked my head out and said “x, come in, it’s time to get our day started” and he came in. After I shut the door I said “what was that about? Was it about the button not being buttoned in the jacket you’re taking off? That doesn’t seem like a very good way to start a day! Let’s not let a tiny button make us sad!” And just like that he stopped being upset, gave me a “knowing” smile, took off his gear and ran off to play.

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