Your right about the 3 To do's when finding childcare - Read your contract and sick policy, every single word and understand it. Ask questions.
Definately communication is key. and Not being licensed..that is your choice and I am sure there are many great unlicensed providers out there..I would just be careful as they dont have to follow the "rules" that we do
1) were are the best places to find information about providers, not all have websites, and there are too many around to go see them all. How is the best way to get information and or feedback about places?
Definately call your county they should have a list of providers / Any Food program websites / Call your local Resources for Child Caring / Word of mouth..ask around.
2) kinda tied with question one, both wife and I work retail management... flex schedule and late nights (10pm pu), any special way I should search for places with longer hours (most i have seen are 7-6 or 6-6 ect)
I think this is just something you are going to have to ask each provider you call or meet - what their hours are. if they are willing to go later for maybe extra money and again if THEY know of any other providers that have longer hours..there are some that do 24 hour care
3) I would be looking for at least 3 days a week, the places I have looked at charge either daily pt or weekly FT (about same price for 3 days pt pay) If a dp pays a ft rate do you let them drop off any day up to 5 days if so how much notice do you require (I would be looking for 3-4 days but would flex depending on what days we are off).
Depends on how many spots they have open and for what days. For me I have a part timer that comes T-Th. So technically if I had someone looking for M and F only I could take that child. So some might require you to set your days and some might be hurting for kids so much that they wont care as long as you let them know the week before or whatever as to what days your child would be coming the next week. I charge a little bit higher of a PT Rate just because that child DOES take up a FT spot so I need to get my monies worth 
)4) what questions do you feel a parent should ask during an interview, what is important to ask? and what should I be looking for when I go to look at a place?
Safety is #1. Do they have gates up, small items high, plugs on the outlets, just think of everything possible when you are eyeing that house to see if it is safe / is your provider within guidelines of # of children allowed / hours/ rates / food program/ schedule/ do they seem friendly. nurturing, loving, caring / do they get down and work with the kids / what is their sick policy / Nap times / do they work with the parents
( communicate well ) How long have they been doing childcare/ do they LOVE it/ Discipline policy/ how often do they sanatize/ do they have a curriculum or crafts etc....thast all I can think of right now
5) and finally... I as a parent would want to "pop in" every now and then, I don't mean a surprise visit like I am trying spy on the place but being my first child and first time in a DC just to see how she is doing. How would I communicate this without offending the provider. Or is this something that is frowned upon?
Good luck in your search - you can also try This, to me, is definately not frowned upon however I have to get your child acclamated to daycare....and having mom or dad pop in may disrupt me doing that. Of course a parent is welcome anytime , anyday..with some proper notice..I wouldnt like someone just "popping" in without notifying me....I could be at the park, deep into a story, in the middle of diaper changes, in the middle of craft time. So I would just ask what their feelings are on it...would they mind if you came Tuesday at 4pm to spend the last hour ? this would be part of the "communication" that is so important. googling questions to ask Child Care provider - bring a list of questions when you interview..go with your gut. Make sure you are 1 million % comfortable with their answers, their appearance, their home etc.