View Single Post
caligirl 02:13 PM 10-07-2011
Excuse the type-O's but I'm typing fast before nap is over......26 years of daycare....am the mom of 3 grown sons. I've dealt with every type of parent, every type of child....I joke all the time that I should write a book. But that would require time that I just don't have.......

I take care of an elementary school teachers child. This is her 2nd one. I also took care of her older child for the first 4 yrs.... I like the parents. I really do. They pay on time, pick up on time, follow my contract to a 'T' and are very nice people. What bothers me is the lack of concern for her son, who is obviously WAY behind. Here is a teacher, who has parent teacher conferences, has to deal with telling parents about issues she is concerned about, expecting those parents to back her up and follow through with her guidance and suggestions with homework etc.... yet she herself will not help her very own son.......

He is almost 20 mo. old....... he does not speak a word. He jibber-jabbers but it is the same sounds over and over. He has never once pointed to an object. He does not know how to wave bye-bye, picks things up like a crab (fingers together and thumb) not the pointer clasp, he does not understand 98% of what is said to him. He only understands his name and the word 'no'. He is a sweet, darling little boy. But to be honest, his head is pretty much empty, and that worries me greatly. She knows this. She is concerned. But she is not concerned enough to do anything about it. She would rather just 'worry' about him saying in front of me 'oh honey, I hope everything is ok in your head' as she drops off in the morning, kissing his head.......

This is a daily struggle for me. I KNOW where he should be right now. I know that children develop at their own speed...but I also know, when there is something wrong. I've done this job for a very long time, and I've had many, many, many children to care for. I KNOW what I am talking about. And she knows I do. Two weeks ago, I met her at the door for pick up. A Friday night. I said 'ok, so, I have some homework for you'......she said 'uuuugggg oh now, what do you want me to do in my 'I don't have any time' weekend?'..... I ignored that comment and said 'It's quite simple. I have been trying to teach him the sign language for 'more'... (doing the sign to show her) and saying 'more' as I do it'. She rolled her eyes. I said 'now listen, you are constantly complaining to me about how he behaves at home. He behaves that way because he is frustrated. He has ABSOLUTELY NO communication skills except for crying. He cannot communicate to you his wants or needs so he screams and throws a fit. You NEED to help him. And the first thing we need to work on is 'more' because that is usually what he wants.....More of something'.......she actually said to me 'I don't have time for that'..............I wanted to scream............WTH is wrong with her???

The following week.....I am trying to communicate to him that I want him to sit down in his chair for lunch...he stands there, not a CLUE what I am saying.... I am patting the chair, showing him his food, trying every which way to communicate to him what I want him to do. It does not compute in his little head. It's like there is a plug that has been unplugged. So I have to finally, take his little hand and guide him over to the chair. Then, as he is sitting down I tell him 'sit down, good job!'......he smiles.....just because I'm talking to him, because he does not understand what I am saying. He just saw me smile and smiled back...... mom picks up that night......I asked her 'can you do me a favor and write down a list of what he understands so that I can work with that list. What words you use at home, because maybe I'm not using the same words and that may be why he doesn't understand me'......she said 'well, what are you trying to get him to do?'.......I said 'sit down'......she said 'oh he knows what that means.' I said 'he does???? She said 'yes, when he is in the tub and stands up I tell him 'NO sit down' and he sits'.... I said 'well, it's not the words SIT DOWN that he understands, it's the word "NO". He knows what that word means. So when he stands up and you say 'no' he sits back down.'. She said 'oh, ya, I guess you are right because when I tell him to sit down other times, he doesn't'......... I said 'well, what does he understand? what directions do you give him that he understands?'.......she said 'well, not much.'......then said 'well you know, both my kids were slow'....... ...

She picked up yesterday.......she asked how his day was. I said 'great! We are working on a real simple word, if you want to call it a word.....I'm trying to teach him to say 'uh oh' by building blocks and playing games. When the blocks fall we all say 'uh oh' Maybe you can work on that while he's home. At least it's a start'. .... she said 'uhhhhhhgggggg'......I took a deep breath, trying not to say what I WANTED to say but instead said 'maybe his sister can help'........she said 'oh she doesn't like to play learning games with him'.......like mother like daughter..........I said 'well, its not a teaching game, it's just playing and using that word'......... she said 'well, you know my kids are just slow' I said 'yes, I do know that, but you can help him you know'. ....... she just made her typical 'ugggg' and I said 'you know, I feel like I'm YOU talking to a parent who doesn't want to listen'....she said 'oh don't tell me that, I don't want to be one of those parents'......

so, after all this......... and believe me, I left out a TON...... what do you think of a mother, who just accepts that her child is slow? That doesn't want to help her son. Who wants to bury her head in the ground and pretend nothing is wrong or that the problems will go away if she ignores them? Who is a better advocate for a child than their own mother?? How can you just accept it and not do everything you possibly can to help him?? I just can't get my brain around that.....
I need to just stop talking to her about it. I really, really do. But it just BUGS me SO much. This poor child....... I give him all the attention I possibly can, while taking care of 5 other children. And his mother could give him one-on-one but doesn't want to............
Reply