Originally Posted by Aya477:
I do not subscribe to pawning my child off to anyone else for any reason other than work but that is because I was fortunate enough to be raised in a stay at home mom family. And I wholeheartedly believe that has made the difference in how I parent vs what you describe as modern parenting.
The fact of the matter is that a shift in society has been brewing for decades that has created what ProMom described: parents who elect to devote time to activities for themselves. Go back to the 1800's or even early 1900's where we have cold hard documented evidence of family dynamics. Did the mom stay at home? Yeah, she was at home but she was busy tending to the garden or doing house chores. A nanny raised the children. My father was born in 1938 and he was raised by a live-in nanny. His mom was responsible for keeping up the massive garden which provided food for the family of 8 (plus live-in helpers) along with doing all of the household duties. My Dad's father held down the job. This really was very common during this era. Then society changed again where jobs became open to women and women were encouraged to get out in the workplace. Women wanted to work to liberate themselves. Then ultimately it became a necessity for women to work to provide dual income so that family's could achieve the ridiculous idea of The American Dream. Now, take that on thru to the early 90's where the American Dream lifestyle spanned out to include self luxuries like pedicures, spa treatments, mental days, etc. The younger generation of women were born into all of this ideology that society has perpetuated for as long as their parents have been alive. So, really what do you expect modern-age parents to do? This is how majority society has encouraged women to live.
Do not look for short term change in this way of life either. In fact, expect it to get worse because more people will find the need for dual family incomes as the cost of living continues to increase and their families expand. Americans are encouraged to spend to maintain the USA economy and world economy. Americans will continue to want to have everything because having everything in society's perception signifies that you have achieved something great. This cycle will perpetuate for longer than you or I will live.
Here's a funny story--my son attended a locally owned daycare center. The owner of this daycare told me that her center was successful and that I could see how successful the center has been because she drove an 80k Mercedes. This coming from a middle-aged woman......who gave her the idea that success is determined by your possessions? SOCIETY.
So sit back and be thankful that women are going to work and placing their children in your care. You being the childcare provider has income because of this. And if you believe that studies prove that children who have absent parents suffer, then look at yourself as the hero....these children care for YOU and the time you are giving them. Perhaps you can make a difference in a child's life.
Now this is why I love this site. This is an excellent post.
One thing I would add is what I call the "point and click". I think that this generation of parents are so used to so much of their lives being done with something so simple as a point and click or a touch touchpad that when things get hard their brains are just not wired to tolerate it. I see this with little kids. I can tell when a kid is playing with primarily battery operated toys. They want to do a little and get a big response.
It may sound trite but I think as humans we can easily get into the mindset that in order for things to be good they have to be easy. It's only good when it's good.
When in the history of human beings have we had SO much of our lives be a simple click or touch away? Really think about that.
As a provider one thing I look for in day care parents is finding ones that have a farm background. The ones who have been raised on a farm have the life experience of things being difficult, time consuming, and no end answer. There's no button to push to clean crap out of a stall. There's no button to push to weed a garden.
I also prefer oldest children in the family who have younger.. specially way younger sibs. These parents also know how to work. If they were relied upon during their childhood to do chores and contribute to the family then when their kid comes along they aren't overwhelmed by the amount of work and organization it takes to get er done.
These are the types of parents who aren't afraid of their kids, aren't afraid of the work their kids bring, and aren't afraid to discipline their kids. All of my day care parents are married. Out of all of my parents at least one of the couple comes from these two backgrounds. Out of 16 parents only four are not from this kind of background.
When I do my three interviews before I decide on a family I ask them extensively about their families and their childhood. It gives me insight to whether or not they will be the type of parents I like working for. These are the stable families that pay and stay (in my experience).
I agree too that this won't be solved in our life time BUT the seeds are being planted now.
Great post. Moral: We need to get a grip.