All of the advice you've received is good so far. It sounds like you are looking for ways to make the situation better, and I hate to say it, but you might want to readjust your thinking to focus more on how to live with the situation exactly as it is, because just as things get better, something else usually comes up and a new, equally irritating behavior starts up. That was my experience, and that was the advice others had for me as well. I'm not saying the child will not grow and improve, but her temperament isn't going to change and her habits aren't really going to change since it sounds like they're being reinforced by the parents, so the WAY she grows and improves is going to be within the parameters of the behaviors she's already showed you (because those are the only tools she has in her toolbox at the moment). If you're not going to term, then you need to be ready for the rollercoaster ride.

Really not trying to be negative, but I had the mindset that things would get better with the kid I had to term and if someone had just explicitly told me to let go of the wishful thinking, I would have been happier.

As to your question, the only thing that worked for my screaming tantrum thrower was to give her exactly what she wanted when she wanted it within, like, 5 seconds, or all hell would break loose. What she mostly wanted was to be held and to have ALL the attention to herself, which I obviously couldn't do. But seriously, some kids really need that, and IMO, those type of kids need to be home with a family member who loves them. Or they need a nanny with a big heart.

When I called the local CCRR for help, they suggested a home visit by a "behavioral specialist", which is just a less scary term for an infant mental health specialist. I would have been all for it if I hadn't already terminated my contract. I'd try that if I were you, because they may be able to give you specific advice on how to deal with the disruptive behavior in a proven way. Good luck, and keep us posted if you get any solid, professional advice!

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