Here's a story for you. I am in my 30s and have a younger sister in her mid-20s. My mother was a single mother who had worked as a secretary and a teacher and always planned tosomeday be a SHM. Life changed and she found herself single with 2 young daughters. My sister and I were in daycare from 7:30-6:00 every day. This was considered so extreme that we had to change daycares to find one that was open enough hours to cover this, and my mom's family gave her a ton of grief for putting us in daycare for so long each day. No one I knew went to daycare nearly as long as I did. We went to a wonderful provider who offered a fabulous DAP program and full preschool program-even 20 some years ago. (My former provider is still an important part of my life now.)
My mom went back to school at night and earned her MBA. Besides being in daycare so long each day, we also had a babysitter 2 nights/week when my mom had class. She is still single, owns a great home/car, and is now an executive at a local hospital. I am really proud of her and all that she has accomplished.
So, how did we turn out? Well, we are fine. We both have a great relationship with our mom. We did great in school and have great jobs, etc. I have children but my sister does not yet.
So, what does that show? Well, nothing really. My mom sincerely feels like she missed out on a lot when we were kids. She admits that, at the time, she felt our provider did a better job caring for us than she did. She says that, for that reason, she never felt guilty sending us on days she took off etc. so that she could catch up on school work. She says that she did what she had to do at the time, and that she doesn't regret it or feel guilty (which she shouldn't) but that she does wish she had more time with us. She does spend a LOT of time with my sons and will play games, etc. with them that she never did with us, but I think a lot of grandparents do that.
The funniest thing, if you ask me, is that by today's standards I think we were in daycare for a reasonable and average amount of time. I think it's funny that 10 hours a day has gone from "so extreme" to common in the last 20 years or so. All of my dcks are here for 10 hours a day now.
Anyway, I don't realy have a point here, I just wanted to recap this situation 20 years later as my sister and I are adults now. We had little face time with our mom, we had a great provider, we turned out well-that's really my point. The rest are just details that show both sides of the story.
I still don't think that MOST parents should need 12 hours a day/5 days per week childcare. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but I don't think it's common to have to work really long days, every day of the week, with a long commute, with no one else to provide care to the child so he/she doesn't have to be in daycare so long. SOME people are single parents, SOME work long shifts (but not always 5 days/week), SOME have 2 parents working long hours, SOME have long commutes, but not MANY have ALL of these things. I still think it's a long time in daycare.
For those of you who do work long shifts, it is hard work. I've been there. For those of you who do work long shifts and still spend a lot of face time with your children-congrats to you. I know when I worked long days, I didn't get to do that. I left before they were awake in the morning, I picked them up at 5:00, got them home by 5:30, fed them, gave them a quick bath and a story, and put them to bed about 7:00-7:30. They needed the sleep to do it all again the next day. I hated it, but I only had to do it 3 days/week so that I could spend the other 4 days with them, so it was worth it to me. I, personally, probably would have felt differently if I had to do it every day and would have had to come up with a different solution to see my children more. That's just me, though.
I don't think any of us are saying that you can NEVER have time with your children and work long days. I don't think we are saying that you can't work a lot of hours and NEVER be a good parent. I don't think we are saying that ALL parents who work long hours are wanting to be away from their children (I really don't think any parent really WANTS to be away from their child-although sometimes it seems like it so there are exceptions to that as well. I think MOST parents want to be with their children.) And I really don't think any of us are saying that we think parents don't have to work and could sacrifice to be at home with their children. If that were the case, I don't think we'd be providers-we'd just stay home. And, if that were the case, we would surely be wishing ourselves out of a job. What we are saying is that, while we understand that it can be necessary in SOME circumstances, the bottom line is that 60 hours/week is a lot of time in daycare. Okay, off my soapbox and back to my lovely children that are ALL here at least 50 hours/week-including my own.
