Ack! It's bad when parents don't help out. It's even worse when parents don't discipline. Maybe making a clear distinction with her will help. Saying something like "I understand you might be able to do that at home but you are not allowed to do that here" might help. Another approach you may want to take is ignoring her bad behavior. For example when you praised her for laying down and then she got up. You could have completely ignored whatever she did after you praised her for doing good (provided she wasn't hurting anyone). Focusing your attention instead on getting everyone to put their books away and lay down as well. I say this because she got a sentence of attention from you when she did something right and a lot more when she turned around and did something wrong. You said she really likes to be held. Maybe you should try and give her a hug and then praise her. For example when she picked up the toys. Maybe you could have hugged her, praised her while giving her a hug, and change direction before letting her go. HUG "I'm so happy you picked up those toys! Thank you very much for deciding to listen! Now let's go see what we can do about getting shoes on to go outside. End of hug. Then turn your attention to another child and give the impression that you expect her to follow the next direction. Try to not give her attention if she does something wrong instead.

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