Uggghhhh...potty training. After so many years trying to convince parents to wait until their child was actually ready and meets certain criteria (with very limited success). I’ve given up. I’ve probably initiated and successfully “trained” at least 50 children but what do I know.

As long as they wear pull-ups over their underwear if they still have accidents I’ve come to the point where I just say “whatever” and just do as the parents ask. Reminders every hour? Fine. Potty chair instead of big toilet with steps and a handle because that’s what is causing the problem? If you say so. They think it’s normal for me to have to ask the child every time, they think it’s normal that the child always says they went when they didn’t, they think it’s normal for the child to sit on the potty forever until I tell them they need to get down because it’s been 10 minutes, they are fine with the child holding it all day as long as they aren’t peeing in diapers.

I’ve seen what all of this leads to. I’ve dealt with many children who have come to me “trained” and were an emotional and physical wreck because of it. In the end they usually end up actually trained much later than they probably would have if they had taken the lead instead of adults. Telling the insistent parents this information does no good.

These are the children that take forever to be fully trained instead of 1-2 weeks when adults wait until the child is ready. These are the children who seem successful but then start having accidents as 3.5, throw tantrums about trying, end up with UTI’s, have accidents any time they’re not reminded etc.

It’s always the first child. The parents with older siblings usually listen to me and let me take the lead. I can’t have this fight anymore. I’m exhausted. It doesn’t matter what information I send their child is always unique and doing so great at home unless I listen to the contradictory information about what’s really happening at home that the parent accidentally discloses. I give a packet full of actual studies and information..it doesn’t matter.

Trying to tell parents that their child is in the early stage of training where their body is partially ready (they can hold it) but their brain isn’t (can’t actually go without being reminded, needs to sit for long periods to go etc.) and that we can remind them all the time for months or wait until all systems align and have the entire process completed in a week is fruitless.

I can’t do it. I want to scream.

Conversation today:
parent: did he stay dry all day?
Me: yes, but I think he’s holding it
parent: well I guess a UTI is better than diapers

No, no. No.

a different parent: Did you see if he actually peed when he was on the potty?
Me: no, he sits for a really long time and only goes to the potty with a reminder.
Parent: can you watch to see if he actually goes. I dont want him to get a UTI.
Me: I’d have to spend an hour in the bathroom a day to catch it coming out and once it’s in the toilet I can’t tell. I have other children to care for and can’t spend that much time in the bathroom.
Parent: it’s such an individualized process with each child. He needs a lot of time to sit and get comfortable with going.

No. No. No.

Ugh.

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