If they fuss at drop off I require the parent to do their goodbyes outside on my front porch and then signal me that they are done by knocking on the door. I then open the door and bring the child in WITHOUT the parent following.

This gets it to stop pretty quickly. It takes the "show" out of it if it's just the parent and the child alone outside. It doesn't feed into the parents esclating the behavior by trying to talk them out of it or feeling "sorry" for the kid.

I want that behavior to JUST be between them. The minute I open the door then my watch starts. The first day or two the kid will keep up the nonsense but usually by day three they just come in and go about their business.

The child usually does it as a last ditch effort to remain in control. When it's just the parent and child outside the child is still in control. Then the door opens and I'm in control. This method doesn't allow the child to ever be in control in my presence.

If they want to have a long crying and clinging good bye then they can have as long as they want outside. Usually the first day it will take a few minutes but the parent gets tired of it very quickly. It's amazing how quickly the whole thing stops when the child can't do it in front of you.

This method puts the ENTIRE process on their family. THEY have to deal with it. The parent can always take the kid back into the car and go back home if they feel it is too much for the child. They can do that all by themselves without involving me at all.

A lot of the drop off drama is encouraged by insecure parents. There is a part of the mother that wants to know their child doesn't want to separate from them. Even though they ACT like it bothers them there is a part of many mothers that feel validated if the kid doesn't want to leave them.

But... if they don't have an audience and they have to deal with ALL of it by themselves they grow weary of it very quickly.

Any time I have a kid do this more than three days total I start the goodbyes outside program and have them do it for a substantial time. If I allow the parent to bring the kid in at a later time and the kid starts it back up then we go back to outdoor good byes. That rarely happens. The most I usually have to do the outdoor good byes is a week or so.

I don't ask the parents whether or not they want to do this. I tell them that it's going to be done this way until the fussing stops. I don't talk to the parent at all when they do outdoor goodbyes. I just tell them I will call or text them once the child is settled down. By day three I'm able to video tape the child totally fine within a few minutes of the parent leaving. I then send the video to the parent.

The video is proof that the child has quit fussing and it's sent within a few minutes so there is no denying that it is that child that day within a few minutes of coming into the house.

Problem solved.

Reply