As most of you already know I went through a miscarriage last week. On Saturday December 8th I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage after I went to the ER for bleeding. I was 8.5 weeks pregnant when I found out that the baby had passed away at 6.5 weeks. Both my husband and I took the loss really hard. We had been trying to unsuccessfully conceive for 2 years prior. We were so beyond thrilled and excited when we found out that we had FINALLY conceived so you can only imagine the heartbreak when we found out we lost the baby.

Since we had found out over the weekend I decided I would try to open the daycare back up the following Monday. However, I found Monday to be really hard for me, especially being around the babies and I chose to close for Tuesday and Wednesday so I could have some time to emotionally heal. I had already booked Wednesday off as I have a doctor's appointment for an ultrasound to find out if I had passed everything. On Wednesday I found out I had not passed the baby yet. I was given a drug to try to induce a natural miscarriage at home and was told to come back in the next day so we could determine if everything had passed. If I didn’t pass everything I would have been scheduled in for a D & C on Thursday. My doctor told me to take the rest of the week off of work so I could deal with everything. I would for sure have to be off for Thursday as she had booked me in for another ultrasound to see where I was at and if I hadn't passed the baby I would go in for surgery that day. Friday was a day for my body to heal after taking the drug she had prescribed for me.

I ran into two separate issues with two of my daycare families during this time...

1. On Wednesday I texted all families and informed them of what was going on and that I would be closed for the rest of the week. One dcm that I was having previous problems with (see What is wrong with families!!??) responded with we don’t have to pay you for these days, right? I took immediate offense to this as dcm didn’t so much as wish me well, share her condolences or show any form of compassion prior to this response. I had been having lots of problems with dcm the week prior to this so I was already not very impressed with her to begin with and her response really got under my skin. In a situation where this was a family that I got along well with and had minimal problems with I know I would have felt a little different, although regardless I felt it was VERY rude to ask about finances in the situation I was in. I very much expected to have the conversation on Monday after everything was over with and being that families pay me monthly there was really no reason to find out that day as payment was already made so deductions to payment would not have been made until January's payment. Dcm's response only further finalized my decision that she was not the right fit for my daycare.

I have had the following previous issues with dcm:

1. Expecting me to hand feed dcb 3 bottled during the 9 hours that he would be in my care. (Dcb is 13 months old) This was taking me upwards of 1.5 hours through out the day because he was so slow to drink his bottles. I was not aware of dcm's intentions to have my feed dcb 3 bottles in a daycare day prior to his first day of attendance. I usually do my best to transition each child into my care with minimal changes to their current lifestyle but this was just a bit too much for me. I couldn't comfortably fit three thirty minute feedings into a 9 hour daycare day while being able to meet the needs of all the other children. I emailed dcm the first week and told her that the 3 bottle feedings per day were not working out for me and that I needed her to give dcb the first bottle at home prior to coming, I would give him the second one prior to nap and then dcm could give him the third one at supper. I also asked her to please work with dcb at home to hold his own bottles as I wouldn't be able to continue to hold his bottles for him here for much longer. Dcm had never tried to get dcb to hold his own bottles at home as she said she enjoyed doing it herself. Within 2 weeks from enrollment I had dcb holding his own bottles here. Dcm did agree with my requests and our daycare relationship was ok at this time.
2. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that someone had grabbed dcb the day before as there was a hand mark on his arm. I immediately check dcb’s arm which had a quarter size rash looking area (similar to rub burn). Dcb is also not walking at this time and doesn’t leave my sight.I found the accusation from dcm to be unacceptable and I feel I did the right thing in the situation by checking dcb's arm in front of dcm and there was no mistake that the quarter size rash like area DID NOT resembled a hand mark. Dcm agreed with me at that time and our daycare relationship was ok.
3. Dcm come in one morning and informs me that dcb has diarrhea but it’s because he had chocolate cake the night before so he doesn’t have to be excluded.This is the first time in my 6.5 years of running a daycare that a family has blamed an illness symptom on food. I have had illness symptoms blamed on teething which I have clearly outlined in my contract that I will not tolerate. I was taken back by this and agreed to take dcb BUT IF HE HAD ONE RUNNY POOP HERE HE WOULD BE SENT HOME FOR THE DAY. Dcb didn't have runny poop he had soft bowel movements. Our daycare relationship was ok at this time.
4. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that dcb has diarrhea but it’s because he drank too much milk over the weekend so he doesn’t have to be excluded.Being that the first time dcm had pulled the illness symptom is caused from food bit and dcb indeed did not even have runny poop I did the same as the last time. I accepted dcb in BUT IF HE HAD ONE RUNNY POOP HERE HE WOULD BE SENT HOME FOR THE DAY. Dcb didn't have runny poop he had soft bowel movements. Our daycare relationship was ok at this time.
5. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that dcb has goopy eyes but her doctor told her it’s just his eyes draining from a cold so he doesn’t have to be excluded. His eyes were COVERED in goop.I made a mistake of taking dcm's word on this issue. I had never heard of draining eyes from a cold and I felt that if dcb had already seen a doctor then it should be ok. I also didn't want to make it seem like I didn't believe dcm. However, that evening I got a text message from dcm asking me if I was aware that another boy that attended my daycare on a VERY part time basis had pink eye. I was not aware of this. The dcb had attended on Tuesday that week and his eyes were clear. That was the only day he had attended so I was not overly concerned. After telling dcm "no I wasn't aware but dcb was not here with any symptoms this week and only came on Tuesday" dcm made the comment that maybe that was why dcb's eyes were becoming more red. This was when I told dcm that she had to take dcb to the doctor and get him checked out again and bring me a doctors note with diagnosis and treatment plan. Dcm back tracked and said "oh no his eyes are just draining from a cold so there is nothing to worry about" this was when I felt that maybe dcm had been keeping the actual diagnosis from me. I told dcm that I would need a doctor’s note with diagnosis before dcb could return to care. Three times she told me that he didn’t need a doctors note because she had already taken him to the doctor and his eyes are nothing to worry about. Finally she agreed to take him. It wasn't until this situation that our daycare relationship started to go down hill. I do not appreciate being told no when it comes to my policies. I do expect families to follow my policies at all times with no argument. The following day dcm texts me and says dcb will not be attending because he was coughing all night but his eyes are fine. I told dcm to please bring the doctor’s note on Monday when she returned next.I felt dcm was trying to get out of bringing me the doctor's note and this threw up another red flag for me. That Monday (which was the last day I was open prior to taking time off for the miscarriage) dcm walks in and practically throws dcb at me and says she is late for work and here is the doctor’s note and runs out the door. I get dcb undressed and then open the note to see that all it stated was “dcb can return to daycare” NO DIAGNOSIS!!At this point I knew I would no longer be able to care for dcb. I had clearly requested a note with diagnosis and treatment plan and dcm didn't listen to my request. However, this was the Monday after I was diagnosis with a missed miscarriage and I felt I had so much on my plate as it was I didn't want to add a confrontation or termination to the mixture as well. I told myself I would take care of it the very next time that dcm broke a policy or disrespected me. I told dcm in the future I would need diagnosis and treatment plan on all doctor’s notes but because dcb’s eyes were now clear I would let it go this time. By Tuesday night both of my eyes were infected...coincidence?

Would you have termed dcm after her rude response to me needing to take time off for medical reasons? Since I had told myself that I would term dcm the next time she broke one of my policies or disrespected me I felt that this was the last straw. I would not have termed dcm just based on this situation.

I also DID NOT charge families for the 4 days I had to take off last week.

2. Second dcf sends me an email on Friday and informs me that dcm will be picking up dcb(age 5) at 1:00pm on Monday and dropping him off at 2:15pm because he has a doctor’s appointment.This family has been with me for 3 years and is well aware that I DO NOT allow drop off's and pick ups during nap time which runs from 12:30pm - 2:30pm daily. I also was not going to make an exception to this rule on my first week back to work. For anyone on here that has had a miscarriage before you would know that you can feel very run down and super tired for weeks after a miscarriage (which is how I am feeling) and I did not want my break to be lost on Monday. I emailed dcm back on Saturday (which I rarely will do when I am off)When I am off I am unavailable. I will answer all emails/voicemails/text messages on my next business day. Dcm was aware of this and I actually just had it in my last newsletter in November as a reminder. I informed dcm that I felt it was important to me that I try not to disrupt my schedule as much as possible next week with everything I had just been through and as per contract dcb could be picked up at the latest of 12:30pm and dropped off at the earliest of 2:30pm. Dcm didn’t respond. Now this morning dcd called and left me a voicemail to call him.Again this family knows I am not available on the time's that I am off The only reason that I responded to dcm's email was because I had to take UNEXPECTED time off last week and dcm said that she was going to give me that information but then I closed. I feel that I have already gave dcf my response to their question and there is nothing more to discuss. How would you handle this situation?

I added more information into my thread as I feel that some of you may not of fully understood the situations for lack of information.

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