Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
While I agree that it is important to be professional, it is also important to remember that not all providers choose to be a "professional business only" all the time...What I mean by that is there are many providers out there who have built trusting and comfortable relationships with the families they are providing care for.
Not every parent is going to sue or be unhappy with being told no. Many parents are completely willing to forge that bond with their family child care provider as a member of their family....even when things do not work out.
I have been in this situation before and had no qualms about being completely honest and forthcoming about the situation. I used many of the same words and content as the OP. I had not one notion or clue that the parent would suddenly turn on me and be a completely different person because of what I was telling her. I knew our relationship and I knew how to communicate effectively with her. I termed a child for VERY similar reasons and the parents and I are still close. We worked together trusting that each was doing our part and trying to help the child and didn't worry one bit about legal ramifications or misunderstandings that could have happened. Ultimatley, I termed the child and mom understood 100%. Her child ended up having a one on one caregiver and when their 2nd child was born, he was placed in care with me.
Why??? Because the family and I had a relationship that was genuine and supportive and above all else trusting of each other. I get that there are times we should watch our backs and always prepare for the flip side, but sometimes, it is down right draining being "on guard" all the time. I find that I rather enjoy my job when I can really bond with a family and have that type of relationship. I don't have girls nights out with the mothers or go on family camping trips but I can still have a good, quality relationship with a family without always having to keep one eye on the "what ifs". Trust is an absolutely vital in this business.
I personally run my business as a business but there are some that just run it as a FAMILY child care. And successfully, I might add. That is the basis for many of the childcare providers out there.
I know that PP's were merely trying to make sure the OP saw the other side of the coin but I think she has a good handle on the situation and I don't feel she should change her words and how she feels because a parent might take it wrong after the fact. Not every situation is always like this.
I have a lot of respect for a lot of the members on this forum and the advice and knowledge that each of them brings to the discussions here, but I admittedly have to agree with some of the unregistered posters I have seen lately and say that sometimes our experience comes off as jaded and pessimistic.
I don't want people to view our profession in that way. I want parents, providers and the general public know that although we can work in a respectable and business like manner, we are also choosing a profession that does require a great deal of empathy and trust with those that enter or programs and homes. We aren't herding cattle or assembling a product via an assembly line. We are caring for children and to me that means being a support system to the family as well.
Lastly, I apologize if this comes out wrong to anyone but I have been hanging back and doing more lurking than posting for a few weeks now and I am trying really hard to read the posts and threads as if I were a parent and honestly, if I was really a parent only and not a provider, I wouldn't post a comment or ask advice on this forum. It isn't because there isn't alot of good advice out there or alot of great suggestions and tips because there are.....but it doesn't always come out as supportive and helpful. Alot of times it comes out as "this is wrong" and "this will happen" and "you will be sorry" or "watch out" and honestly that isn't always the message I want to put out there or hear.
I agree with others...this was very well put!