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permanentvacation 08:00 AM 12-09-2014
Midaycare,

You're not being bad news Betty. You are being realistic. My track record is horrible! I have never supported myself - EVER! I have never relied just on myself financially. I have always done the 'mom' job of nurturing the children, taking them to their activities, and tending to the house. Yes, I have always been employed, but I RELIED on my husband and then ex-husband to really take care of my girls and myself financially. I have always been able to go to my ex and say I need money and he'd give me money - often accompanied by cussing me out, but I would get the money handed to me. This is why I am so nervous about the fact that I truly need to set financial goals and Hell or high water, MUST meet those goals all by myself.

I plan to be employed here until I move and plan to obtain a job in the new area before I move there. I have been researching jobs in that area and have actually already spoken with a couple of daycare centers in the new area to get an idea of how much they need people and what the rate of pay is in that area. I think I will be able to get a job there quickly enough that pays a decent salary when I need to. I am sure, mainly because of my debt, that I will need to have a full time job as well as a part-time job starting as soon as possible and lasting at least until I pay off all my debt and collections accounts.

Part of the reason that I couldn't save $500 or do much of anything right with my money is that my ex would dictate to me what to do with my money. I knew I shouldn't have allowed him to control me and my money. But he gets so abusive; verbally, emotionally, threatens me, won't help with any money if I don't do with my money what he demands me to, etc. that I just obeyed him rather than stand my ground regarding my income. But now he's stopped controlling my money. And my daughter has a job. She hasn't started yet. She goes in Friday to discuss her schedule and everything. So, I can now start taking control of my money and doing with it what I know I need to. The problem is that since I let my ex control my finances for so long, I have a good bit of debt to pay off. But I am going to figure this out. I will, I have to be able to support myself in 17 months.

I might not be able to move right when my daughter graduates, but I really hope to be able to do so and I am going to really work towards being able to do so. I know, especially since I have NEVER planned and saved towards anything, that there's a good chance I will mess myself up somewhere along the way and that I won't stay focused on my goal. But I have to realize that my ex-husband is most likely not going to give me one red penny by June of 2016. So, somehow I have to train and condition myself to make financial goals, rely only on myself, and actually achieve those goals.

Actually, I did, once, create a financial goal for myself and achieve it. Right after my ex and I separated and sold our house, I paid off all of my debt then and was actually debt free for about 2 years. I made a plan and stuck to it. Of course, at that time, we had sold the house and I was able to put a good bit of money from the proceeds of the house towards my debt, but I still had debt that I had to work for a while to pay off.

Then my ex started demanding that I allow our kids to do things that couldn't afford, but to keep from having him cuss me out and yell at me, I obeyed him. Which led to me getting into debt like I am. But now, my ex, recently, has started paying for our daughter's activities himself. And my daughter got hired at a restaurant. She's supposed to start working soon. So, she will have her own money. She also has been dating a boy for 7 months now who has been taking her out for dinner often over the past couple of months, so she doesn't eat much of our household groceries. Which saves me grocery money.

So, basically, this is the first time in 21 years that I really have complete control over my money! My ex isn't dictating to me how to spend my money and my daughter is going to make her own spending money. If I truly focus on how I handle my money, I just might be able to be able to achieve my financial goals!
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