Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
okay, i didn't read all of the posts - i saw nannyde mention the "bye bye at the door" philosophy which i didn't read either bc i've seen it before. i normally agree with the whole theory, but i think with this kid being the only kid who has the issue and also being the only one who doesn't have his dad around all the time - i think it's probably a little deeper than a "control issue" and he probably genuinely misses his dad since he is the non-custodial parent.
that doesn't mean you should let it fly because of that. i think the "bye bye program" could still work, but i might approach the dad about it in private and with a little more sensitivity than i would with a kid who was doing it with the mom/dad they lived with on a daily basis. i'm sure it's harder for a child and a parent to say their goodbyes when they know they won't see them later that afternoon or maybe not for another week or whatever the case may be. if you can talk to the dad and let him know you understand the dynamic but get him to say his goodbyes before he approaches your home the kid will adjust.
basically, i agree with nannyde, but i think the dynamic is different being that it's a non-custodial parent issue and should be addressed as such.
I don't know.
For one the Dad obviously HAD thirty extra minutes this morning to one to one his kid, be with him, bond... give him lovin. Why couldn't they have done that at home? Why couldn't he have kept little guy home for thirty minutes and just give him undivided loving fatherly attention?
The drop off at day care shouldn't be a bonding experience between parent and child. Once you take your kid out in public and there is a transfer of who is caring for the child the idea is to make that transfer go smoothly for EVERYBODY... not just the kid and the Dad. It's the Dad's responsibility to make sure the kid is on his best behavior during these times. He wasn't doing this and was actually purposefully escalating the child by playing "poopy head" games ... leaving.. and returning to gear him back up.
I think there is a contingent of parents who really LIKE the drama at the door. They want to have that activity with the kid AROUND another adult. There's something inside of them that likes "showing off" their "I love me and mines the most bestest ever in the history of parenthood".
The Dad is most likely not dense in the head. After a few minutes it was most likely painfully clear that the provider didn't like the behavior in her house but he felt powerful and bold enough to let it go on and on and on... leave... then restart and go on and on and on.
THAT is a badly behaved adult. We shouldn't have to be any part of that just because they are a "parent" and it's "my child". If they are going to do the "me and mines" then they need to do it in PRIVATE where it REALLY counts.
Love up your kid and give your kid THAT kind of attention when you and your family are with them. Don't do it at the expense of a house full of people in public. It's rude.
If he's lacking in time with his kid. If he is having bad feelings about how much he is really raising his kid... then work with the other parent and make some changes. Don't involve a house full of people that have NOTHING to do with it by putting on a dog and pony show of badly behaving kid and adult at the door while she is trying to operate her business.