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nannyde 03:37 PM 02-21-2011
There's a lot of good lessons in this story.

If you are going to take 800 dollars up front for care you need to make sure you have in writing that you get to keep that money OR you keep the money in reserve until you have earned it and then spend it.

The other lesson is how to handle that one fifteen minutes when you have a parent in your doorway asking something of you that you can't or don't want to do. You have to have your policies and your signed contract standing beside you in that doorway.

Having a high conflict arrival is going to put you to the test. It's THAT moment... the moment when you are giving them a money NO... it's always best to try to difuse the situation and put the "talk" off to another time when you don't have kids in the house. In this situation I would have most likely just told her I would need time to figure it out and tell her to think about it for a bit today. Once I returned the child to her in the evening I would have tried to ask for a time when we could all talk.

This parent, who did not confront the provider the day before, felt powerful the next day because she KNEW she didn't have a written agreement. She most likely found care that told her she must start immediately or very soon if she wants the spot. At that point she's not going to take NO for an answer because she KNOWS she didn't sign anything. Her only weakness is the fact that she doesn't have possession of the money.

When a provider tells a parent that she can't care for the child... even if it is one day... over money conflict or policy conflict the parent will likely never bring the child another day. The parent has what she was after... a REAL reason that could be taken back to the safety of her child.. to pull the kid. She did what most any parent would do after that high conflict. She left.

If you give the parent ANYTHING that can be taken back to the safety or happiness of their child they will use that as their reason to not honor their agreement. In that high time of conflict the message has to be... "I see we disagree on this... let's talk about it later... but I'll give little Missy a WONDERFUL day at day care... on baby.. and we will talk about it tonight... okay...

That will buy you some time to get your plan together and see where you stand. It's your only chance to try to work out some arrangement to make it work. If the parent refuses a money "no" then you will end up going to court. In the end you do NOT want to muddy the water with any "safety of my child" in the money matter.

I'm sure in a month or two we will hear that the provider was victorious.
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