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Rebecca 01:57 AM 08-11-2017
My boyfriend (I'll call him Bob) and I have been together for five years and I love him deeply but I'm thinking about leaving him for the safety of our son. I personally think my boyfriend (Bob) was molested as a child but he totally denies it every time I bring it up. I even asked his mom and she denied it too. His father past away when my bf was 14. Bob is very quiet and shy. I'm the opposite, bubbly and outgoing. We make the perfect couple but I feel like I'm living a lie because I'm no longer happy and attracted to him. I think my boyfriend is molesting our 3yr son(I'll call my son Henry). I started to noticed Bob's strange behaviors when our son Henry was 8months. Bob constantly wanted to sit Henry on his lap. He places Henry directly on top of both thighs. I would understand if it was one. He wouldn't do anything strange when Henry is sitting on him but I just get bad vibes from it. I only started to notice when he would get hard after our son would get off of him. Till this very moment it's still happening and his explanation is he can't control it and does not know why it happens. I have never ever seen any physical signs of abuse but in my heart and gut I know something is going on. This feeling has never gone away since 2.5 yr ago. Henry would act very weird when I would return to the room after him and our son Henry was left alone. He acts uncomfortable and strange but tries to play it off. Whenever they are left alone I just get a weird and unease vibe. I want to leave him but I have been trying to look for proof and it's 2017 still no proof. Well tonight might be my proof and I've decided to leave him. So I got home unexpectedly around 10pm and Bob was sitting with our son in the couch, with a shirt and just boxers. He was hard onces again(when Bob is hard, he lifts his penis upward so it's not noticeable but I know the trick and noticed it). I was heated and did not speak to him for the entire night. I just grabbed our son and we fell asleep on the couch. I woke up around 2am to find Henry butt naked (no bottom on just his shirt) on the floor and Bob with no shirt just his boxers. He was covered with a blanket and our son was not. I have been asking God for proof or to catch him for years and nothing but I felt like tonight was enough proof. I can't do this anymore because I can not trust to leave Henry alone with his own father Bob. I stopped him from bathing his son,(by just always doing it and voiding him to do it), I don't feel comfortable when they are left alone, and I feel like I have to sleep with my son under my arms because I'm afraid he would go in his room to touch him. I'm not sure what type of molestation he's doing but there's no physical signs but my gut is telling me something is going on. I did addressed Bob tonight and he denied it of course. I have confronted him several times with my suspicions and he denies and dismissed them like I'm just going crazy and it's all in my head. I know something happened but didn't see it. I have also asked and talked to my son "if daddy ever touched you there" and he says no but he's young so he doesn't know. It really break my heart to end this but I can not continue to live in fear. My son safety comes first and can't continue to sit and wait for proof. I don't want to be 60yr and live with this regret. I'm scared no one will believe me. We are high school sweet heart and I love him. He's such a great guy(loving, sweet, helpful, great father, caring and etc). He's basically everything someone would want in a guy but he does have his flaws. One thing I can not accept is this suspicious or gut feeling I have about Bob. I can not wait any longer before our child become scare for life. It breaks my heart because I really wanted us to stay together since I didn't grow up in a two parents household. As for my bf he was raised in a traditional household with two parents and siblings. Everyone is rooting for our relationship and want us to stay together forever but no one know what's going on bc I'm too afraid and ashamed to explain to anyone. My mom is my best friend and I want to tell her but she will probably call the cops. I sort of feel trapped with Bob bc we have build so much together (car, house, family, accounts and etc). Not sure how everything will unfold but I'm willing to take a leap of faith and leave him. My fear is for Bob to continue this nasty behavior into our son adulthood and scare him for life. I know I'm not crazy but something is going on but can't proof it. I just need some advice and input on this. Please help!!!! I have been trying to escape for years but don't know how without making everything public bc I do not want that. We both have great paying jobs, great position in the community and our church; don't want our lives to be expose like that. I was thinking to just have him to leave and go back to his moms house and say we grew apart and our relationship is not working. Ugh I don't know what to do or think, someone please help. I feel so alone, ashamed, confused, disrespected, used and misguided. We are both African and elders encourage us to stay together no matter what but this is America and I do not want to stand by that. I'm tired of lying to myself and pushing me gut feelings away.
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