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Old 08-15-2011, 07:05 AM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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Default 30 Day Probation?

I am considering handing out a 30 day probation letter to one of my families.

Is this common? Or have any of you done anything like this?

Here's some background:

DCM and DCD aren't together. DCM drops off everyday and DCD picks up every Wednesday and Friday. When DCD picks up, it's 30 minutes later than if DCM were to pick up.

DCM has been dropping off all over the clock. DCG is suppose to be here at 745am but comes anywhere between 740am and 9am. I've already told DCM that if DCG is going to be late, I need a phone call or text. She was good about and now she just shows up whenever with no call or text indicating she is going to be late.

DCG has shown signs of aggression lately. Signs include: pulling hair, pinching, sitting on children, and hitting children.

I've addressed the issues with DCM and she tells her to "be nice" and said most recently that she's been putting her in time out on the couch. (REALLY
?! The couch...as in...in front of the tv?! Yeah, that certainly qualifies for a time out! DUH!)

She also screams this horrid high pitched scream if she doesn't get her way, she only naps for about an hour and the latest issue I've had is DCM will drop her off wearing jeans and come pick her up wearing work clothes.

I feel bad that I am giving notice but half way through my day, I'll be reminded why I don't want to have to do this anymore.

Any suggestions?
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Old 08-15-2011, 08:06 AM
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Iam having the same problems but the parents are together. They are done onSept 2 tho. I have sent out newsletter stating I need to know when parents are picking up dropping off so I can be prepared. Ive asked parents specifically "whattime is pick up today" or "what time is drop of tomorrow" They still do it whenever. I even say you told me X time, I dont have his stuff together. They say xoh thats fine, Ill wait" THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO CALL on Sunday to let me know when dropping off. All my others were comming at 9, I said to my hubby, Im sleeping til 8:30, if they show up before that tough. I got up at 7:45 they showed up at 8:10. Figures!
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:17 AM
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In May I did this with a 2yo dcg. She was having a hard time all around. Parents were no help. I put her on a 30 day probation with specific items I was wishing to see improvement in. 2 weeks in I handed DCM a termination letter. It was clear she wasn't going to make improvements, and there was some evidence of underminding from the parents, so I just ended it. It ended not good but not because of me. I knew I made the right decision as the stress level was gone the next day. And based on what I witnessed on her last day, I'm glad to have the family out of my life.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:41 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Do you have a fairly good relationship with both parents? I would try talking to them both (separately) and let them know that whatever the two of them are going through, you want to make your home and the time their dd spends there as normal and as consistent as possible. The dcg, should be able to have one "safe" place to be while her parents are dealing woth whatever they are going through. Talk to the mom and dad about how important it is for dd to arrive at a regular time and picked up as consistently as possible as well.

Tell the dcm, that if she doesn't arrive as scheduled she willbe assessed a late fee or early drop off fee. If she fails to call after a reasonable amount of time (like 15-30 minutes) tell her the space will not be available when she tried to drop off. Tell dcd, the same about late pick ups...if he arrives later than the scheduled pick up time, he will be assessed a fee.

It is hard to be stuck in the middle and probably even scary and very unsettling for the child as well. Which probably explains her aggression and unwanted behaviors. I would use examples of these behaviors when expaliaing to dcp's about the importance of consistency.

I would also tell mom to stop using words to the child and show her consistency and safety and security by keepong life as normal as possible right now. As far as the time outs, you can't make mom see the error in her ways (the TV and couch as time out ?!?! ) but you can definately offer some suggestions as far as how to properly implement a time out or "punishment" for behaviors at home.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:51 AM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Do you have a fairly good relationship with both parents? I would try talking to them both (separately) and let them know that whatever the two of them are going through, you want to make your home and the time their dd spends there as normal and as consistent as possible. The dcg, should be able to have one "safe" place to be while her parents are dealing woth whatever they are going through. Talk to the mom and dad about how important it is for dd to arrive at a regular time and picked up as consistently as possible as well.

Tell the dcm, that if she doesn't arrive as scheduled she willbe assessed a late fee or early drop off fee. If she fails to call after a reasonable amount of time (like 15-30 minutes) tell her the space will not be available when she tried to drop off. Tell dcd, the same about late pick ups...if he arrives later than the scheduled pick up time, he will be assessed a fee.

It is hard to be stuck in the middle and probably even scary and very unsettling for the child as well. Which probably explains her aggression and unwanted behaviors. I would use examples of these behaviors when expaliaing to dcp's about the importance of consistency.

I would also tell mom to stop using words to the child and show her consistency and safety and security by keepong life as normal as possible right now. As far as the time outs, you can't make mom see the error in her ways (the TV and couch as time out ?!?! ) but you can definately offer some suggestions as far as how to properly implement a time out or "punishment" for behaviors at home.
This is what you get when you work for young, single parents.

I don't have a great relationship with DCM but I do tell her what I expect and what my concerns are. Of course, they fall on deaf ears. Telling the child (20 months) isn't going to do anything.

That's why I thought the probation might be a better approach. Clearly discussing things with her is getting no where. I'm hoping by giving the probation period, the child will be picked up at regular drop off time each day, child will be picked up at the same time each day, and the DCM will understand that the reigns need to be tightened.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:58 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
This is what you get when you work for young, single parents.

I don't have a great relationship with DCM but I do tell her what I expect and what my concerns are. Of course, they fall on deaf ears. Telling the child (20 months) isn't going to do anything.

That's why I thought the probation might be a better approach. Clearly discussing things with her is getting no where. I'm hoping by giving the probation period, the child will be picked up at regular drop off time each day, child will be picked up at the same time each day, and the DCM will understand that the reigns need to be tightened.
Gotcha...I didn't realize the child was only 20 months! LOL!! And I completely understand about the young single parents! (No, I don't mean them all of them for anyone who felt I was stereotyping) In your situation then I would totally go with the probation period and maybe that will get mom to see that you aren't messing around.

Are you in the position to term then if the situation doesn't change? I also think you should start charging the mom for late or early drop offs and charge the dad for late pick ups.
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Old 08-15-2011, 11:21 AM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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Mom isn't ever early for drop off...she's late. DCG is suppose to be here at 740am but shows up anytime between then and 9am! At 830am, we start our daily activities so it's bothersome when we never know or if she's coming for the day.

DCM told me that her hours at work changed. Her drop off has remained the same but her drop off is now 30 minutes earlier yet DCM and DCD both are pushing that 30-45 minutes sometimes twice a week! They think that by bringing her in at 9am, they can pick up later too and I've told them that's not how it works!
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Old 08-15-2011, 11:49 AM
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Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
Mom isn't ever early for drop off...she's late. DCG is suppose to be here at 740am but shows up anytime between then and 9am! At 830am, we start our daily activities so it's bothersome when we never know or if she's coming for the day.

DCM told me that her hours at work changed. Her drop off has remained the same but her drop off is now 30 minutes earlier yet DCM and DCD both are pushing that 30-45 minutes sometimes twice a week! They think that by bringing her in at 9am, they can pick up later too and I've told them that's not how it works!
That is the toughest one to get parents to understand!! I hate that one! Maybe when they drop off late, you could say "Wow, it's too bad that you paid for 30 minutes this morning already and now you wasted it. You could've had a full 8 hour day but you dropped off late." I know that wouldn't really work but sheesh! Some parents!

I whole heartedly agree then with you about the probationary period! I almost think you should give them a two week probationary period instead of 30 days....that's a long time to get their ducks in a row when they shouldn't have let them get so lost in the first place! Especially since you have already talked to them about this.

Good luck, I hate being that situation. Hopefully they will take you serious and try to fix this. If not "Buh-Bye" I guess, and then you won't have to deal with them at all.

In the mean time, hang in there!
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Old 08-15-2011, 02:34 PM
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I have done the probation thing, only to term weeks or months later. I think that you should give it a shot only if you really need the income. the parents will change long enough to make you happy for awhile, but then will resort back to their old ways.

It is very hard to attach money to showing up late. Yes I too hate it when people are late becuase I also run a teaching program, but I have learned that I don't wait for anyone any more.

I have changed my rules that if you are not here by 9:15am each morning when class starts, the door is locked and won't be back open until 12:30 at lunch. So far none of my parents are showing up late anymore.

I used to allow the parents to just text me, I will be late this today and then I would unlock the door for them so they could come to the back room and drop off their child. But you know how that goes... CRAZY....then it takes forever for the kids to settle down again and get back on track with the schedule.

Do you work on contracted hours??
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:12 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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Yes. All families contract the hours they will need daycare.
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:56 PM
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Yes. All families contract the hours they will need daycare.
sounds like maybe you should try the no disturbance rule like I have...
I don't have my PHB on me at the moment, but it states something like this....All children need to arrive no later than 9:15am when class will start. Please understand that when you are late arrving during class time that it is very disruptive to the group. In wanting to keep my focus on the kids and teaching, every family will need to comply so that we will be able to stay on schedule.
No admintance will occur after 9:15am -12:30pm while class is in session. Should you need to arrive during this time for any reason, you must make prior arrangements with the provider. Do not make a habit of showing up late or picking up between these times.

LOL something like this is what i have written...Who knows maybe it will work for you too..
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:08 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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She received her 30 day probation letter today! It felt good too! The drop offs and pick ups are going to change and so is DCGs 'tude!

I reiterated the problems with DCM again at pick up and she said she will work with her more. I'm hoping next week when she returns back to full time, I can have a better grasp on getting her to stop.
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discipline - notifying parent, discipline plan, notice, probation, probation - length, single mom excuse

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