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Parents and Guardians Forum>My 3 yo is hitting at DC
Unregistered/Jessi 06:47 PM 08-11-2009
My 3 year old hits other kids at daycare. When the teacher gets on his level to tell him it's not OK to hit our friends, he slaps her in the face. I don't know where he gets this from - he is NOT hit at home and certainly not in the face!

I have asked the teacher to gently hold his hands when she is telling him "no" and she told me it is against the law. We live in WA state and the law reads as follows:

"The licensee shall prohibit and prevent:

(b) The use of a physical restraint method injurious to the child;"

Now I read this literally in that it states no physical restraint that is injurious to the child. Gently holding his hands while telling him 'no' is not injurious to the child.

Any thoughts? Thanks in advance!

GretasLittleFriends 08:30 PM 08-11-2009
If this hand holding is what you think would work best for their situation, I'd urge her to reconsider arguing the fact that it is not breaking the law.

Reading that and considering the provider's opinion... What would happen if the child was being a turkey, running away from an adult, towards an extremely busy street. Would it be viewed illegal to grab a (hard jerking, perhaps bruising) hold of that child to #1 prevent them from running away like a naughty child and #2 prevent serious if not fatal injury???

Holding (not squeezing) a child's hands while saying no and/or explaining misbehavior, IMO seems to keep the child's attention to you.

Maybe the provider didn't completely understand what specifically you meant, and you could demonstrate so they understand it's not a malicious act??

Good luck!
ConcernedMotherof2 08:15 AM 08-13-2009
I understand your frustration and empathize with your situation. It is always difficult when our children display behavior like this in the care of others, as we see our children as a reflection of ourselves. My son displays aggressive behavior as well, but I am very fortunate to have a dc where he is accepted and loved and they work very well with him, always keeping open the lines of communication with me.

I agree with Greta, it's possible that the teacher did not fully understand what you were asking her to do. Arguing about the wording of the policy could lead to an unfavorable outcome, but if you explain, the situation may easily be resolved.

Best of luck to you! Let us know how this pans out
AmandasFCC 06:35 AM 08-31-2009
I have a hitter in my daycare. He's 2 1/2 and just gets frustrated and shoves people and slaps them. It's not quite to the extent that he slaps me in the face when I get to his level, but he's definitely aggressive towards the other children.

I've had a lot of success with 2 things: 1) I worked with him with "gentle touches". When he hits I tell him "We only use gentle touches", then gently rub his arm and ask him to do the same. Throughout the day I'll call him over and discreetly say "Can you show me a gentle touch" and then praise him when he does it. Sounds silly maybe, but it's helped a lot.
2) I tell him to clap his hands when he feels frustrated or angry. That not only gets him to think about what he's doing, but then the other kids start clapping and it becomes a little laugh fest for them all, clapping away... I often have to catch him when I notice him getting frustrated and remind him to clap his hands, but again, it's helping the situation. Maybe talk to your provider and suggest something like this - whatever works for you ...

Good luck
Tags:hitting, hitting in daycare, hitting provider, parent - its a verb, violence in child care
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