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Old 09-28-2011, 08:09 AM
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Angelwings36 Angelwings36 is offline
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Default FRUSTRATED with DCM!

Ok, I will start by giving you all a background story on this family. Sorry but this is long.

Two years ago I enrolled a family into my daycare, at that time the little boy was just over a year old. When the dcm enrolled with me I was running a special low rate for single mom’s. (I really needed to fill spaces at that time and it was a quick way to do it). The rate that I offered this dcm was $400.00/month, that is a $250.00/month savings for this dcm compared to my regular full time rate of $650.00/month.

I soon became friends (to an extent) with this mother and I bonded really deeply with the dcb.

Six months after the family enrolled with me I informed the mom that I felt something was off with her son (he was really behind both cognitively and physically) and I suggested she take him in for an evaluation. She did take him in for an evaluation, A YEAR AFTER I SUGGESTED IT, and her son is autistic.

So here’s what’s going on…

I have had numerous problems with this mother;

1. Dropping off at 7:10am every morning when I open at 7:30am. I tried reminding the mother and asking her not to come until 7:30am, that never worked. Finally I fixed the problem by not unlocking my door until 7:30am on the bell. Unfortunately she still stands outside my door for sometimes upwards of 15 minutes and allows her son to bang on it! Her excuse is if she doesn’t let him he screams. If my husband leaves through that door and forgets to lock it she will walk right in. I get so upset over this! Last time it happened I walked to the door and said, “Gee, I didn’t realize the door was unlocked it’s not 7:30am yet.” She responded, “Ya but it’s 7:25am so close enough.” And then laughed. I was so mad! The extra 5 minutes would have given me enough time to finish getting myself ready for the day.

2. Sending her son to daycare with food and toys. I DO NOT allow outside food and toys in my daycare. I get so frustrated having to repeat myself over and over again! Yesterday morning dcb walked in with a chocolate tim bit in his hand! Her excuse is if she takes it from him in the car he screams so it’s easier if I take it from him.

3. She insisted 4 months ago that I cut out dcb’s nap because he is not sleeping well at night and it is stressing her out. I said no, everyone in my care naps. What exactly am I suppose to do with a LOUD autistic non-napping child at naptime?

4. In March of this year I changed my hours on Friday so I could close at 4:30pm. All but this daycare mom made accommodations for me to do so, dcm said there was no way that she could pick up at 4:30pm on Fridays. I had one Friday per month were I was truly closed at 4:30pm due to this mom’s EDO she had every third Friday off work. In June of this year the mom informed me that she would be using her EDO time for any of her son’s appointments so he would be here until 5:15pm (my closing time) every single Friday. OMG REALLY!? So, this whole time the mom could have been using her EDO time to get off a little earlier on Fridays to pick up her son by 4:30pm and she didn’t even breath a word of this to me. I fixed that one, I told her I was going to be closed every Friday at 4:30pm PERIOD, amazingly enough she has had no problems picking up her son at 4:30pm every Friday since then.

5. Wanting to pick up in the middle of naptime once a week every week. This started two months ago. Dcm said that she would be picking her son up at 1:30pm every Friday for her son’s appointments for autism. I told her that, that won’t work for me and she either has to pick up before 12:30pm or after 2:30pm. Her son is autistic and he is the LOUDEST child that I have. When mom shows up to pick up he is completely out of control. Screaming at the top of his lungs! So much so that I implemented Nan’s bye bye outside program for 2 weeks to re-train both the dcb and the mom.

6. She also asked me if he could have his therapy sessions at my house twice a week for an hour and when I said no for obvious reasons she huffed and stomped out of the house.

7. Today dcm walks in and says, “I know you don’t prefer to have drop offs and pick ups during 12:30pm and 2:30pm but all my son’s appointments on Friday got changed so I will have to pick him up during that time. I was like no I’m sorry that won’t work for me, he has to be picked up either before 12:30pm or after 2:30pm, I am not changing my policies for one person. She huffed and said she didn’t know what she was going to do then and stomped out the door. I was like, hmmm, didn’t we already go over this?

At this point, I have just about had it! Not only is this mom receiving a $250/month discount, but she insists on having MORE special than everyone else in my care. Also, had I known earlier her son was autistic I would have given her a higher than regular rate, not lower.

On top of that there is very little parenting going on, on mom’s side of things. Dcb is here from my opening until closing Monday through Friday. She even arrives earlier than my opening time and sits in the car with dcb waiting for me to open. I know for a matter of fact that mom doesn’t work until 8:00am and it only takes her 15 minutes to get to work! Dcm informed me that when she gets home her and dcb have supper, she baths him and puts him in his bedroom to watch a movie at 6:30pm until he falls asleep. She puts a baby gate up so he can’t get out. So Monday to Friday Dcb only gets 5 hours total of face time with dcm.

Dcm cannot control her son. He doesn’t listen to her. He will scream, hit, throw things at her and she does nothing to correct this behaviour. When he is with me he is well behaved, follows my rules and would never dream of hitting me or throwing stuff at me, he knows it’s not allowed. I keep his day structured and the same, as that is what works best with autistic children and in the end I think it keeps his behaviour very much in check and I am able to control him.

I just don’t know what to do at this point. I feel disrespected, taken advantage of, walked on and hurt.

Any advice?
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:21 AM
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I am also starting the progress of SLOWLY changing my daycare down to only running a part time daycare. I want to be closed on Mondays and possibly tuesday. I was willing to stay open those two days for this DCM, my gf and another family that has been with me for 4 years until their children were in Kindergarten. But I don't think I'm willing to stay open for this mom on Monday and Tuesday with the low rate that I have her on.
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:26 AM
AnneCordelia AnneCordelia is offline
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I think if you raise her rates (sounds like she's been getting a hefty discount for more than a year without an increase!) then your problems will disappear.
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:35 AM
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I think if you raise her rates (sounds like she's been getting a hefty discount for more than a year without an increase!) then your problems will disappear.
Thanks so much, I think this is the route I will likely take!
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:47 AM
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Considering she's violated about every single rule you have, I'd be quick to push her out the door and offer a discount for a new family to come in. (AND...not that significant of a discount).

This mom wants cheap and wants quality and wants what she wants. Put your foot down! It's your house and your rules and they haven't changed. You tell DCM you run the show!

And as for the discount, it expires next month! Give her notice this Friday that effective October 31, discount has expired. She needs to pay what everyone else is...even if you have to spread it out over time for her to get the concept.

(Example: your rate will increase $25 a week effective October 31 and it will increase by another $25 a week February 1 to reflect the change. If she has an issue, you can tell her she is still getting a $50 a month discount. Either she can deal or she can leave and pay someone A LOT more than you are currently charging her!)
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:13 AM
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This!!!!
Excellent post
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  #7  
Old 09-28-2011, 09:17 AM
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I usually do not like to suggest this but . . . I think you should terminate/encourage parent to find "better for her" day care. What this parent relay needs is someone that can help her help her child someone with training in dealing with autistic children. (This did my step son a world of good)

Short of that start raising her rate so that on top of dealing with her you are not getting paid less.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Angelwings36 View Post
Ok, I will start by giving you all a background story on this family. Sorry but this is long.

Two years ago I enrolled a family into my daycare, at that time the little boy was just over a year old. When the dcm enrolled with me I was running a special low rate for single momís. (I really needed to fill spaces at that time and it was a quick way to do it). The rate that I offered this dcm was $400.00/month, that is a $250.00/month savings for this dcm compared to my regular full time rate of $650.00/month.

I soon became friends (to an extent) with this mother and I bonded really deeply with the dcb.

Six months after the family enrolled with me I informed the mom that I felt something was off with her son (he was really behind both cognitively and physically) and I suggested she take him in for an evaluation. She did take him in for an evaluation, A YEAR AFTER I SUGGESTED IT, and her son is autistic.

So hereís whatís going onÖ

I have had numerous problems with this mother;

1. Dropping off at 7:10am every morning when I open at 7:30am. I tried reminding the mother and asking her not to come until 7:30am, that never worked. Finally I fixed the problem by not unlocking my door until 7:30am on the bell. Unfortunately she still stands outside my door for sometimes upwards of 15 minutes and allows her son to bang on it! Her excuse is if she doesnít let him he screams. If my husband leaves through that door and forgets to lock it she will walk right in. I get so upset over this! Last time it happened I walked to the door and said, ďGee, I didnít realize the door was unlocked itís not 7:30am yet.Ē She responded, ďYa but itís 7:25am so close enough.Ē And then laughed. I was so mad! The extra 5 minutes would have given me enough time to finish getting myself ready for the day.

2. Sending her son to daycare with food and toys. I DO NOT allow outside food and toys in my daycare. I get so frustrated having to repeat myself over and over again! Yesterday morning dcb walked in with a chocolate tim bit in his hand! Her excuse is if she takes it from him in the car he screams so itís easier if I take it from him.

3. She insisted 4 months ago that I cut out dcbís nap because he is not sleeping well at night and it is stressing her out. I said no, everyone in my care naps. What exactly am I suppose to do with a LOUD autistic non-napping child at naptime?

4. In March of this year I changed my hours on Friday so I could close at 4:30pm. All but this daycare mom made accommodations for me to do so, dcm said there was no way that she could pick up at 4:30pm on Fridays. I had one Friday per month were I was truly closed at 4:30pm due to this momís EDO she had every third Friday off work. In June of this year the mom informed me that she would be using her EDO time for any of her sonís appointments so he would be here until 5:15pm (my closing time) every single Friday. OMG REALLY!? So, this whole time the mom could have been using her EDO time to get off a little earlier on Fridays to pick up her son by 4:30pm and she didnít even breath a word of this to me. I fixed that one, I told her I was going to be closed every Friday at 4:30pm PERIOD, amazingly enough she has had no problems picking up her son at 4:30pm every Friday since then.

5. Wanting to pick up in the middle of naptime once a week every week. This started two months ago. Dcm said that she would be picking her son up at 1:30pm every Friday for her sonís appointments for autism. I told her that, that wonít work for me and she either has to pick up before 12:30pm or after 2:30pm. Her son is autistic and he is the LOUDEST child that I have. When mom shows up to pick up he is completely out of control. Screaming at the top of his lungs! So much so that I implemented Nanís bye bye outside program for 2 weeks to re-train both the dcb and the mom.

6. She also asked me if he could have his therapy sessions at my house twice a week for an hour and when I said no for obvious reasons she huffed and stomped out of the house.

7. Today dcm walks in and says, ďI know you donít prefer to have drop offs and pick ups during 12:30pm and 2:30pm but all my sonís appointments on Friday got changed so I will have to pick him up during that time. I was like no Iím sorry that wonít work for me, he has to be picked up either before 12:30pm or after 2:30pm, I am not changing my policies for one person. She huffed and said she didnít know what she was going to do then and stomped out the door. I was like, hmmm, didnít we already go over this?

At this point, I have just about had it! Not only is this mom receiving a $250/month discount, but she insists on having MORE special than everyone else in my care. Also, had I known earlier her son was autistic I would have given her a higher than regular rate, not lower.

On top of that there is very little parenting going on, on momís side of things. Dcb is here from my opening until closing Monday through Friday. She even arrives earlier than my opening time and sits in the car with dcb waiting for me to open. I know for a matter of fact that mom doesnít work until 8:00am and it only takes her 15 minutes to get to work! Dcm informed me that when she gets home her and dcb have supper, she baths him and puts him in his bedroom to watch a movie at 6:30pm until he falls asleep. She puts a baby gate up so he canít get out. So Monday to Friday Dcb only gets 5 hours total of face time with dcm.

Dcm cannot control her son. He doesnít listen to her. He will scream, hit, throw things at her and she does nothing to correct this behaviour. When he is with me he is well behaved, follows my rules and would never dream of hitting me or throwing stuff at me, he knows itís not allowed. I keep his day structured and the same, as that is what works best with autistic children and in the end I think it keeps his behaviour very much in check and I am able to control him.

I just donít know what to do at this point. I feel disrespected, taken advantage of, walked on and hurt.

Any advice?
So you would of charged her a HIGHER rate of what you charge if you knew her Son was special needs that is discrimanation. Honestly instead of talking about Mom not being able to handle her child suggest she get family therpay to learn how to deal with her child special needs children are much more harder to handle then a normal child my heart goes out to the Mom because it seems she doesnt know how to deal with him except put him in his room to watch tv its sad for her and the child. Why couldnt he have therpay at your house too whats wrong with that its only to benifit the child? I had a PT come in and work with a child once a week before if the child NEEDS it then why not. I think Mom should find another provider who can deal with her time frame and what she can afford so term her instead of complain about it.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:26 AM
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I can understand that you are frustrated with your dcm who is not following your rules. I have to say that you can't give her a higher rates than regular rates due to his special needs that you can get in trouble for that. But you can increase her regular rates.

About autistic child being loud, well, he can't help it. Some autistic children can be louder or not but you have to be patient with him whatever you can. All autistic children are different. It kinda hurts what you said about this since I have a daughter who has PDD on Autism Spectrum. My husband and I work so hard to get some help for our daughter and I taught my daughter everyday. Her behavior was awful and we work so hard to get her better everyday. You have NO idea what I am going through. Now she is doing much better and I am very impressed that I work hard with her. He may be screaming out of his lungs due to lack of communication. As you know, there are so many autistic children have trouble to take nap time because they don't know what is it. My daughter was like that when she was younger. Now she is 10 year old and she knows my routine for her to go bed every nights. It took a long time for her to understand about routine. I suggest you and your dcm to work together as same pages to help him to get better everyday if you want to.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:31 AM
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I can understand that you are frustrated with your dcm who is not following your rules. I have to say that you can't give her a higher rates than regular rates due to his special needs that you can get in trouble for that. But you can increase her regular rates.

About autistic child being loud, well, he can't help it. Some autistic children can be louder or not but you have to be patient with him whatever you can. All autistic children are different. It kinda hurts what you said about this since I have a daughter who has PDD on Autism Spectrum. My husband and I work so hard to get some help for our daughter and I taught my daughter everyday. Her behavior was awful and we work so hard to get her better everyday. You have NO idea what I am going through. Now she is doing much better and I am very impressed that I work hard with her. He may be screaming out of his lungs due to lack of communication. As you know, there are so many autistic children have trouble to take nap time because they don't know what is it. My daughter was like that when she was younger. Now she is 10 year old and she knows my routine for her to go bed every nights. It took a long time for her to understand about routine. I suggest you and your dcm to work together as same pages to help him to get better everyday if you want to.
I actually have very LITTLE problems with the dcb. I have spent the last two years working with, getting him into a routine and figuring what his triggers are and what will turn those triggers off if it happens. I'm sorry if what I said about him being loud bothered you but I didn't mean it towards the dcb at all. I was frustrated because mom knows that when she picks up her son become extremely loud as soon as he sees her and still wanted to do a pick up in the middle of nap time. Dcb also has ZERO problems sleeping at nap time but if I had him out in the play room he would for sure wake all my kids up as he does get loud when he is stimulated. I don't have a problem dealing with this autistic child and I actually love him as my own, my problem is with the mom who is not cooperating with me.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:35 AM
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It kinda hurts what you said about this since I have a daughter who has PDD on Autism Spectrum.

I suggest you and your dcm to work together as same pages to help him to get better everyday if you want to.
1. what did the op say that was so hurt full B/C I can not find it she was simply complaining that the mother would allow the child to bange on her door sometimes for 15 min.

2. Most of the OP problems are B?|/C the mom will not work with her or her son.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:40 AM
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So you would of charged her a HIGHER rate of what you charge if you knew her Son was special needs that is discrimanation. Honestly instead of talking about Mom not being able to handle her child suggest she get family therpay to learn how to deal with her child special needs children are much more harder to handle then a normal child my heart goes out to the Mom because it seems she doesnt know how to deal with him except put him in his room to watch tv its sad for her and the child. Why couldnt he have therpay at your house too whats wrong with that its only to benifit the child? I had a PT come in and work with a child once a week before if the child NEEDS it then why not. I think Mom should find another provider who can deal with her time frame and what she can afford so term her instead of complain about it.
I can understand why she doesn't want the therapy at HER home. Who would (just being honest). When I had DCK at my house we had a routine that I set. We'd go to the park, storytime, did preschool activities, baking & crafts. I wouldn't want a extra appointments that would infringe on the activities I do & would more than likely make the other kids in care miss out on things, too. A provider has to consider ALL the kids in her care & in some cases can't make SPECIAL arrangements for one child that affects ALL the kids.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:40 AM
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So you would of charged her a HIGHER rate of what you charge if you knew her Son was special needs that is discrimanation. Honestly instead of talking about Mom not being able to handle her child suggest she get family therpay to learn how to deal with her child special needs children are much more harder to handle then a normal child my heart goes out to the Mom because it seems she doesnt know how to deal with him except put him in his room to watch tv its sad for her and the child. Why couldnt he have therpay at your house too whats wrong with that its only to benifit the child? I had a PT come in and work with a child once a week before if the child NEEDS it then why not. I think Mom should find another provider who can deal with her time frame and what she can afford so term her instead of complain about it.
I actually would not have charged her HIGHER if I was AWARE that her son was autistic. I just would not have accepted him into my daycare in the first place because I DO NOT have the educational background to deal with an autistic child, mom is aware of this but still CHOOSES to bring him here. And if you will read my whole post you can note that I was the one that suggested that the mom get him in for an evaluation...it took mom a whole year to do this. He is in therapy now and she has someone trying to help her. Therapy WILL NOT be done in my house as it just won't work. The daycare is a wide open space downstairs and my upstairs is STRICTLY AN ADULT ZONE! It's my private home and I don't want other people in my upstairs area.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:41 AM
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I actually have very LITTLE problems with the dcb. I have spent the last two years working with, getting him into a routine and figuring what his triggers are and what will turn those triggers off if it happens. I'm sorry if what I said about him being loud bothered you but I didn't mean it towards the dcb at all. I was frustrated because mom knows that when she picks up her son become extremely loud as soon as he sees her and still wanted to do a pick up in the middle of nap time. Dcb also has ZERO problems sleeping at nap time but if I had him out in the play room he would for sure wake all my kids up as he does get loud when he is stimulated. I don't have a problem dealing with this autistic child and I actually love him as my own, my problem is with the mom who is not cooperating with me.
That is awesome that you are accepting him like as your own. Most daycare wouldn't take autistic children due to behavior problem or not patient. I do understand that you are having problem with his mother. Maybe his mother needs some help.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:43 AM
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Raise rates and charge her additional for a special needs rate.

Raise her rate to twice what she is paying and give her a two week notice on the rate hike.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:45 AM
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That is awesome that you are accepting him like as your own. Most daycare wouldn't take autistic children due to behavior problem or not patient. I do understand that you are having problem with his mother. Maybe his mother needs some help.
Thank you.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:45 AM
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I can understand that you are frustrated with your dcm who is not following your rules. I have to say that you can't give her a higher rates than regular rates due to his special needs that you can get in trouble for that. But you can increase her regular rates.

About autistic child being loud, well, he can't help it. Some autistic children can be louder or not but you have to be patient with him whatever you can. All autistic children are different. It kinda hurts what you said about this since I have a daughter who has PDD on Autism Spectrum. My husband and I work so hard to get some help for our daughter and I taught my daughter everyday. Her behavior was awful and we work so hard to get her better everyday. You have NO idea what I am going through. Now she is doing much better and I am very impressed that I work hard with her. He may be screaming out of his lungs due to lack of communication. As you know, there are so many autistic children have trouble to take nap time because they don't know what is it. My daughter was like that when she was younger. Now she is 10 year old and she knows my routine for her to go bed every nights. It took a long time for her to understand about routine. I suggest you and your dcm to work together as same pages to help him to get better everyday if you want to.
Although I do agree with you about not being able to charge higher rates than regular clients simply because he is autistic I don't believe that her issue with the child is that he IS autistic.

To me it seems that her issues are in fact with the parent. The provider is responsible for "children" not "child". One child's needs cannot be held above the needs of the other children even if he has special needs and this includes the other children's need to nap. She doesn't have an issue with the autistic child but rather with the way that the parent acts against the rules and policies of her daycare. The parent does not want to work together, the parent wants to do what is easier for her and leaving the hard part for the provider to manage. The parent corrals the autistic child in his room for crying out loud. That parent does not strike me as the knowlegable, patient, eager parent that you are. I am 100% in agreeance with the phrase "don't bite the hand that feeds you" and although I don't think that the providers problems will all just magically go away if she raises DCM's rates, I do believe that she will either see improvement or the DCM will choose to go elsewhere.

I do have a question for you Angelwings. In your OP you said that for obvious reasons you rejected the idea of allowing the child to have therapy sessions at daycare. Now I'm sorry but this isn't obvious to me and I was curious and wondered if you could elaborate a little bit about this? I know you mentioned that it wouldn't work and that you don't have experience with autistic children but allowing therapy sessions in your daycare would give you that opportunity to get one-on-one training with a skilled professional FOR FREE . Personally I don't have any kids with special needs (I just never had the opportunity) however I do know of providers that do and they allow any therapy sessions that the children need to be provided during DC hours as long as it is during a time that doesn't interfere with meals and naptime. My nephew is also autistic and his therapy sessions are held at him home daycare and are not at all intrusive. It actually benefited him to have his sessions during daycare because the therapist was able to help and correct behavior as it was happening. It also gives the provider a break from my nephew and likes having a second adult to help her with him. I think this is a great idea and the providers themselves have said that they have learned a lot from the therapists and have learned tools to help them manage the special needs child better. Don't get me wrong ... I'm with you on everything else you've said and like I said before ... it sounds like your issues aren't really about the child but rather the DCM's disregard to your policies. I can see that you have tried to work out a compromise but she isn't willing to accomodate you at all.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:46 AM
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I actually would not have charged her HIGHER if I was AWARE that her son was autistic. I just would not have accepted him into my daycare in the first place because I DO NOT have the educational background to deal with an autistic child, mom is aware of this but still CHOOSES to bring him here. And if you will read my whole post you can note that I was the one that suggested that the mom get him in for an evaluation...it took mom a whole year to do this. He is in therapy now and she has someone trying to help her. Therapy WILL NOT be done in my house as it just won't work. The daycare is a wide open space downstairs and my upstairs is STRICTLY AN ADULT ZONE! It's my private home and I don't want other people in my upstairs area.
Just get used to saying "NO" because I see you saying it to her requests more frequently!

You need to tell DCM that her discount is done. No way is it cost effective to work for any child for $100 a week!

And, I don't blame you for not wanting to care for a special needs child. I've turned my fair share down too.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:48 AM
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1. what did the op say that was so hurt full B/C I can not find it she was simply complaining that the mother would allow the child to bange on her door sometimes for 15 min.

2. Most of the OP problems are B?|/C the mom will not work with her or her son.
1. What she wrote about child is so loud that makes me feel it kinda hurts because I have a daughter who was like that when she was younger (she was around 3-5 years old at that time) and I always get nasty looks from strangers in public because they don't understand about her being special needs. If you were in my shoes, then you will understand what I mean.

2. I know but I thought it is worth to give a try to see if she and her dcm to work together to get some help if possible. If don't then it might not worth it. I feel for her son.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:01 AM
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1. What she wrote about child is so loud that makes me feel it kinda hurts because I have a daughter who was like that when she was younger (she was around 3-5 years old at that time) and I always get nasty looks from strangers in public because they don't understand about her being special needs. If you were in my shoes, then you will understand what I mean.

2. I know but I thought it is worth to give a try to see if she and her dcm to work together to get some help if possible. If don't then it might not worth it. I feel for her son.
I can understand your motive, it's a subject that hits close to home and I get that but I don't think the OP has bad intentions. I think she's just pointing out that if the child is not able to nap then that keeps the other children from napping. If dcm would schedule the child's sessions during a time that worked around nap then I dont think she'd have a problem. kwim?
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:08 AM
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If you were in my shoes, then you will understand what I mean.
I am in very similar shoes. Can not be in your shoes. Myself and my husband are always working with my autistic step son and I have had to learn how not to care about what others think about any of my children including the ones that do not have a "special need" but not not act like "main stream society"
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:12 AM
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I think my post is beginning to go in the wrong direction now. Just to clear things us I DO NOT have a problem with the dcb. What I am asking about has anything to do with his autism, I guess I should have just left that out of my whole post to begin with. I have never discriminated this child because he has autism, nor would I ever, nor am I complaining about it. What I am asking for advice on is the on going issues I am having with the dcm.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:20 AM
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I think my post is beginning to go in the wrong direction now. Just to clear things us I DO NOT have a problem with the dcb. What I am asking about has anything to do with his autism, I guess I should have just left that out of my whole post to begin with. I have never discriminated this child because he has autism, nor would I ever, nor am I complaining about it. What I am asking for advice on is the on going issues I am having with the dcm.
EXCELLENT advice was given in regards to the problematic mother in post #5 by wdmmmom. That's what I would do.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:25 AM
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These things are only an issue because you are allowing them to be. I would have termed about each of the issues you mentioned. No way would I let her come and go as she wanted and no way would I let a kid bang on my door until I opened. Make a list of what you expect from her in order to stay with the understanding that the first violation would mean termination with no notice, increase her rates to the regular rate that everyone else pays, give her one week to sign and return agreement and NO chances to break any rules. That way you know you gave her one last chance to make it work and if she leaves or gets termed, it is her own fault. Stop getting bullied by her!!!
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:37 AM
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I think you should definately increase her rate to the rates of the other families. Just because she seems to have forgotten about your "special price deal". Remember what Nanny says,... its really only a special price to YOU, to her its your rate.



you cant charge her more because of special needs, that is against ada rules.

Q. Can child care providers charge more for tuition for children with disabilities?

A. Under the ADA, child care providers cannot charge the family of a child with disabilities for the total costs of having to comply with the ADA. Costs must be spread out to all the families enrolled, or taken as a tax credit or tax deduction. However, there are some exceptions. It appears that families may be charged for measures which exceed compliance with the ADA, or when a child care provider would not be required to make an accommodation or remove an architectural barrier because it would pose a financial or administrative hardship.

Q. What if our child care center refuses to admit my child because they say they can't afford to make the accommodations necessary to meet my child's needs?

A. If you are not satisfied that your child was given a fair consideration, or that it would not in fact be an undue burden for the child care provider, you may file a complaint with the Department of Justice. It will investigate your case and can impose fines of up to $50,000 for a first violation. You can also file a private suit. Private plaintiffs cannot receive money damages, but can receive injunctive relief such as a court order requiring the day care center to make the necessary accommodations and attorney's fees.

Q: Which child care centers are covered by title III?

A: Almost all child care providers, regardless of size or number of employees, must comply with title III of the ADA. Even small, home-based centers that may not have to follow some State laws are covered by title III.



Here is my advice,...

Dear Mom,

Due to inflation and increased costs and in order to effectively operate my childcare home, I am canceling the discounted fee you recieved upon enrollment. The normal tuition for childcare is $***.xx per week. Please sign the new tuition agreement and return the paperwork by xx/xx/***x. ( I would give her one week) The new tuition rate will be in effect xx/xx/***x. (two weeks from date of letter) If you choose not to return the paperwork by xx/xx/***x, (first date listed) Our contract for care will be terminated on xx/xx/***x (second date).

this gives her a week to decide if shes staying and 2 weeks for a contract policy change and for the new rate to kick in, also by giving her the two week window you are allowing her to tell you by the first week if the agreement is over and fill her spot with someone else.

I also would like to discuss some items that I feel are becoming an issue for us. I open for care at 7:30am, I will not open earlier. This is the earliest time you may drop off. If this continues to be a problem I will place your family on probation and if things continue I may be forced to terminate care. Banging on my door prior to 730 am is something that will stop immediately. It is rude to wake my children and disrupt mornings. I will not allow it to continue. Please be respectful of the limited time I have with my family and wait until 730, knock lightly and enter.

Please remember outside food and drink is not allowed in my home. This is another item that may place your family on probation.

I close at 4:30pm on Fridays, if this is not convenient for you or poses a serious problem please let me know and I will begin interviewing families for the position. I do have a 'termination of care' form if you need to fill one out.

Please respect our 'no pick up' during naptime rule. This is another item that will put your family on probation.

I do apologize but I am unable to provide an area or time frame for an outsider to be in my home for your sons therapy. I have thought about it and it will disrupt our routine too greatly so I must require you to do this at a different location when he isnt in daycare.

I personally wouldnt even mention the therapy, I wouldnt offer it, I did once and the child destroyed a dollhouse my father built me when I was 7.NEVER AGAIN.


Thank you

Polly Provider,....
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:38 AM
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Default Term, she needs a daycare w/longer hours is what I would tell her.

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Just get used to saying "NO" because I see you saying it to her requests more frequently!

You need to tell DCM that her discount is done. No way is it cost effective to work for any child for $100 a week!

And, I don't blame you for not wanting to care for a special needs child. I've turned my fair share down too.

Agree, and its not discrimination; often it won't work with a regular daycare group "depending" on the degree. I termed a child last summer, mom downplayed the behavior and in the interview I didn't catch everything going on with her. I did it after two days, a long....two days.

Now take that combined with a really bad, disrespectful parent; I would term because reading the post it doesn't look like the mother will change. I would start looking to fill the space right away, place the add and charge full price. When you have a good set of parents it makes this job so much better.
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:02 AM
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I think you should definately increase her rate to the rates of the other families. Just because she seems to have forgotten about your "special price deal". Remember what Nanny says,... its really only a special price to YOU, to her its your rate.



you cant charge her more because of special needs, that is against ada rules.

Q. Can child care providers charge more for tuition for children with disabilities?

A. Under the ADA, child care providers cannot charge the family of a child with disabilities for the total costs of having to comply with the ADA. Costs must be spread out to all the families enrolled, or taken as a tax credit or tax deduction. However, there are some exceptions. It appears that families may be charged for measures which exceed compliance with the ADA, or when a child care provider would not be required to make an accommodation or remove an architectural barrier because it would pose a financial or administrative hardship.

Q. What if our child care center refuses to admit my child because they say they can't afford to make the accommodations necessary to meet my child's needs?

A. If you are not satisfied that your child was given a fair consideration, or that it would not in fact be an undue burden for the child care provider, you may file a complaint with the Department of Justice. It will investigate your case and can impose fines of up to $50,000 for a first violation. You can also file a private suit. Private plaintiffs cannot receive money damages, but can receive injunctive relief such as a court order requiring the day care center to make the necessary accommodations and attorney's fees.

Q: Which child care centers are covered by title III?

A: Almost all child care providers, regardless of size or number of employees, must comply with title III of the ADA. Even small, home-based centers that may not have to follow some State laws are covered by title III.


Weird. My county social services dept. sent me papers to request a higher rate of pay because of the disability of a child in my care. I wonder what the exact laws are about this.

Many providers in my area charge according to the level of care a child requires, ie. needs special diet, needs transportation, needs "special" outside of normal services they offer. Not necessarily a "special" need as defined by the ADA but "special" none the less.
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:04 AM
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Write a note to home.......just for her.

address the issues.

No showing up before opening hours, no knocking on the door, or sitting in the driveway as it causes me anxiety to feel pressured into opening before my opening time. State that it is disruptive to my morning routine and my family. State facts with no wiggle room to negotiate.

No in house outside visitors. It's against my policy, disruptive to the other children and our day. Plus- it sounds like the mom would benefit from seeing how a pro can help her son. Have her schedule those for in the evening or early pick up day.

As of......and I would make it a two week notice, your rate is being increased to what all the other parents are expected to pay. I can no longer offer a discount and stay afloat with all the expenses I have to pay out.

no pick up or drop off between nap hours.


I would also add I really enjoy and love dcb but in order for my daycare to run smooth, mutual respect, and good communication is required here, add any other issues you need to address, a place for her to sign and date that she has read this. I would put I have policies in order for the good of the whole daycare and for it to be able to run smooth.

I have noticed so many providers let the parents run the show instead of the providers owning and running a business as they want. I am all for helping others, bending here and there but for the most part, the rules should be the rules and your business should run the way you choose, not the other way around. It's hard because so many facets, factor in, but if you state it, then you back yourself up....should be no room for a parent to back you down into something you will resent. I am not the person to run to the answer of terminate, but I am the person that will make my rules clear and then give you the choice to do what you have to do. After you give her the note, if she decides to stay and sign the new changes, then if she comes early once, you will have to go and say to her what part of me not opening until 7:30 did you not understand? I can't have this. Do you understand now? Walk in the house, close the door and don't open until your time. If she did it the next day explain to her that its not working for you, you don't feel she respects you as a provider and end it. Another thing I would do is find out what hours she is actually working and use those hours as your contracted hours, so the boy is not in your care when she is actually able to give him care herself.

one more thing. As much as we try, want to and bang our heads. WE CAN'T FIX EVERYONE!

Good luck, I feel for you because its hard to have a back bone when our nature is to care~
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:37 AM
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I am in very similar shoes. Can not be in your shoes. Myself and my husband are always working with my autistic step son and I have had to learn how not to care about what others think about any of my children including the ones that do not have a "special need" but not not act like "main stream society"
Well, I don't care what others think about my daughter. I noticed something changed when she was 3 years old and later I found out she has PDDNOS. She was fine from birth to 3 years old with her social skills, use sign language like normal kid. I taught her sign language that she is deaf so am I. I don't care anyone thinks of me due to my deafness all of my life but it was hard for me to deal with nasty looks from strangers because my daughter have two "special needs" that she is profoundly deaf and has diagnosed PDDNOS when she was a little. After she was 5 years old, I don't care about it anymore. I would stare them back if they are staring my daughter like I always do when I was younger. Sometimes, my daughter would go to strangers to touch something which she shouldn't have (touch baby, legs, go to their house, etc...) and I went get her off and I tell them that "I am sorry about that my daughter has special needs." Most of them are very understandable and some don't. (She is faster and stronger than me, lol). As far as I know, my daughter is very BRAVE that she don't care what others think and it doesn't bother her at all. Also, she have a few deaf/hearing friends who are very understandable and help her sometimes.
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:29 AM
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So I spoke to the dcm today and informed her that I would be raising her rate by $50.00/month over the next 5 months to match my regular full time rate of $650.00. I told her that due to personal choice I would be down scaling my daycare to cut down on my workload and daily stress. She was irate! First she said she couldnít afford $650.00/month and that she would be looking for another daycare for her son. Then she told me she would just have to see how it goes. When I asked her for a straight answer, she responded with could I have some time to think about it? I said yes you can have until tomorrow and then I need to know because I will be giving notice to a number of families tomorrow and I donít want to give notice to an extra one if you will be leaving as well as I will be out that space. She was completely pissed! Said I was giving her no time to make a decision. I really think she just wants to soak me for the lower rate until it reaches a certain dollar sign and then switch her son then! She wonít be able to find daycare that is cheaper than $650.00/month in our area, itís unheard of right now! Iím so frustrated. I will find out in 10 minutes what is going on.
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Angelwings36 View Post
So I spoke to the dcm today and informed her that I would be raising her rate by $50.00/month over the next 5 months to match my regular full time rate of $650.00. I told her that due to personal choice I would be down scaling my daycare to cut down on my workload and daily stress. She was irate! First she said she couldnít afford $650.00/month and that she would be looking for another daycare for her son. Then she told me she would just have to see how it goes. When I asked her for a straight answer, she responded with could I have some time to think about it? I said yes you can have until tomorrow and then I need to know because I will be giving notice to a number of families tomorrow and I donít want to give notice to an extra one if you will be leaving as well as I will be out that space. She was completely pissed! Said I was giving her no time to make a decision. I really think she just wants to soak me for the lower rate until it reaches a certain dollar sign and then switch her son then! She wonít be able to find daycare that is cheaper than $650.00/month in our area, itís unheard of right now! Iím so frustrated. I will find out in 10 minutes what is going on.
$50 a month isn't squat really and to be honest, I would have told her she has 4 months to figure it out since it's such a gradual change.
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:45 AM
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Well dcm gave me notice. She said she is going to either try to find a cheaper daycare within a month or that she will just quit her job and go on welfare!
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:58 AM
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Well dcm gave me notice. She said she is going to either try to find a cheaper daycare within a month or that she will just quit her job and go on welfare!
Excellent

Now make her stick to the one month. Once she looks and can't find it she will stay with you because each month you are still cheaper than the others.

Doing the increase over five months is most likely going to cause you problems with her. It's five opportunities to protest. You have just received her first round. Have it be her ONLY round.
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:59 AM
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You should start looking immediately then. What is your termination policy? Do you require written notice? If you do then I would give HER written notice for two weeks. I suspect she's just trying to draw you out to change your mind. Don't fall for it!!
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:15 AM
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Well dcm gave me notice. She said she is going to either try to find a cheaper daycare within a month or that she will just quit her job and go on welfare!
That is not your problem. Maybe going on welfare and being forced to deal with her son's issues will be good for them.
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:16 AM
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Excellent

Now make her stick to the one month. Once she looks and can't find it she will stay with you because each month you are still cheaper than the others.

Doing the increase over five months is most likely going to cause you problems with her. It's five opportunities to protest. You have just received her first round. Have it be her ONLY round.
Leave no wiggle room. Two weeks would have been enough time. Your just asking for her to argue and negotiate. I would have only told her of her situation. she is not looking out for your best interest only her own.........so who is going to do that, has to be you two weeks you would have been making what your worth, and know if you had to find someone to replace or it was going to work out for both of you.

I wouldn't even feel bad over her throwing it your face that she would have to go on welfare either. My answer would have been, well thats a choice we all have to make for ourselves.

UGH!!! I would talk to her and say your not comfortable with five months, and that as of this day, she has two weeks to decide if she is staying or going and that in two weeks the rate will be increasing to what everyone else is paying, your regular rate. You can't run a business on discounts. You have nothing to lose, except a thorn bringing you down.....gee wiz Have a solid contract for the future, handbook and policies
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:25 AM
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I am not going to take on her stress. However, I fear for the dcb. Mom is going to look for the cheapest daycare she can. In my area 'cheap' daycares are either running over their limit to make up for the lost income or they are plain crap daycares. I fear that her son is going to be abused because of his disability or he is going to be bounced from daycare to daycare. I wish I could do more on my end, but I helped as much as I could already! It still hurts my heart though!
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:27 AM
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As per contract we both are entitled to give a one month's written notice, so two weeks isn't an option.
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:29 AM
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I am not going to take on her stress. However, I fear for the dcb. Mom is going to look for the cheapest daycare she can. In my area 'cheap' daycares are either running over their limit to make up for the lost income or they are plain crap daycares. I fear that her son is going to be abused because of his disability or he is going to be bounced from daycare to daycare. I wish I could do more on my end, but I helped as much as I could already! It still hurts my heart though!
Just remember this:

Some parents will give up their usual coffee and newspaper in the morning and their extravagant lunch with business partners to accommodate a more expensive daycare.

Others won't give up a thing and put their kids in care that has an amount they want to pay.

No one wants to pay a high cost for daycare. Other parents don't care about the cost as long as their child is properly cared for.

You can clearly see her decision.

SAD!
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:33 AM
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Just remember this:

Some parents will give up their usual coffee and newspaper in the morning and their extravagant lunch with business partners to accommodate a more expensive daycare.

Others won't give up a thing and put their kids in care that has an amount they want to pay.

No one wants to pay a high cost for daycare. Other parents don't care about the cost as long as their child is properly cared for.

You can clearly see her decision.

SAD!
You know that's what I was thinking about this morning before she came. Every single morning she goes to either Tim Hortons or McDonald's for coffee and breakfast before work. If she cut that out that would save her a pile of money every month. I know she is not looking out for the best interest of her son, that is VERY clear to me now, I just feel for him so much as I love him as my own and it's hard to walk away from this situation without tears.
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:41 AM
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You know that's what I was thinking about this morning before she came. Every single morning she goes to either Tim Hortons or McDonald's for coffee and breakfast before work. If she cut that out that would save her a pile of money every month. I know she is not looking out for the best interest of her son, that is VERY clear to me now, I just feel for him so much as I love him as my own and it's hard to walk away from this situation without tears.
Yes, there is a major difference between "being poor" and making "poor choices".
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:08 AM
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Yes, there is a major difference between "being poor" and making "poor choices".
yep,.. just intrview,.. interview, interview,.. pick the best family for you,.. let her live with HER choices. You didnt do this to her, to him, to anyone,... YOU are taking care of YOUR FAMILY. which is what you should do. You are not responsible for her lifestyle choices any more than if she wears hoops or post in her ears on saturday night. =-) YOU DID GOOD!!!
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Old 09-30-2011, 05:59 PM
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So you would of charged her a HIGHER rate of what you charge if you knew her Son was special needs that is discrimanation.
Actually, its not. Usually, rates are assigned at the group care level, meaning that the child is able to be cared for as part of the group and needs little special, one-to-one care that the other children don't receive. If the special needs child needs special one-on-one care and the schedule/activities/space/food/whatever to be altered for them at the provider's and/or the group's expense, then it would logical to charge more money to compensate for that. Plus, in some areas having a special needs child in the group brings the ratio down...which means the provider has to either take in fewer kids or pay an assistant. More $$.

And look at this way. This family is paying LESS than 2/3 of what the other families pay (am I right?) for way MORE one-to-one and MORE special.

And I'm just looking at it from a financial standpoint.
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Old 10-01-2011, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Angelwings36 View Post
As per contract we both are entitled to give a one month's written notice, so two weeks isn't an option.
I would change this right now to two weeks. Two weeks in ample enough time for notice. I couldn't be in the lurk for a month to decide. In this case two weeks is enough time for her to get it together and let you know what she is doing so that you can move forward also. I wouldn't want to deal with this parent for any longer then that. Good luck and glad that you have a contract going with your parents. I guess I was under the impression that you did not have one for your parents.
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Old 10-01-2011, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I would change this right now to two weeks. Two weeks in ample enough time for notice. I couldn't be in the lurk for a month to decide. In this case two weeks is enough time for her to get it together and let you know what she is doing so that you can move forward also. I wouldn't want to deal with this parent for any longer then that. Good luck and glad that you have a contract going with your parents. I guess I was under the impression that you did not have one for your parents.
In the area that I live one month's notice is standard. I actually hadn't even heard of two weeks notice until I found this site and found out what people in the states were doing.
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