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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Some People Can Be So Judgmental...
learn-n-grow 02:32 PM 10-19-2011
Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...
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Michael 02:37 PM 10-19-2011
I won't label you. I'll agree with you.
Anyone want to take me on??

BTW, here is another thread regarding "rude forum members". It comes with the territory. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23173
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Heidi 02:39 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...
I'm sorry, I don't know the circumstances, I am still fairly new here. I clearly don't know the whole story.

As for a SAHM taking her child to daycare a few days a week, that is certainly your right. Everyone needs a break now and then. It may be hard to find someone willing to take a child for those hours, because most of us have limited spaces, and prefer to fill them with full time children. It is also very hard for (especially younger) children to get into the routine of group care when they aren't there consistently.

That said, if you find a good match, you can afford it, and you and your child are both happy with your choice, then enjoy it !
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Zoe 02:42 PM 10-19-2011
I'm sorry that you felt judged on this forum. I wanted to say that I agree with you in needing a break sometimes. We're all human! I'm not the kind of mother who is all sunshine and roses with my children 24/7. In fact I'm so glad that my DD is at kindergarten right now. We were really butting heads this summer.

Before I started daycare I was a sahm for a while. My DD's doctor actually encouraged what she called "mental health" time and said that these kind of breaks made me a better mother. Do what is right for you.
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mismatchedsocks 02:45 PM 10-19-2011
I actually have 3 sahm or sahd who bring their child here, one is fulltime two are part time opposite of each other. They are very flexible and follow the rules, so I dont "care" what they do when their children are here unless i cannot get ahold of them if i need to.

I also dont mind if parents run errands after work, as long as they are here on time, and do not lie to me. If I call your work and you have taken a sick day..I will be mad.( because i would have to gues where to reach you ) If you are a sahm and i cannot find you because you went for a train ride to chicago for the day with no one to get child, without telling me, I will be mad. Otherwise, tell me a number I can reach you the FIRST time, and pick up on time and we will be a ok!

I havent been around long, but just read the posts that pertain to me, or i feel i can add something to, but everyone has their opinions, and i hope that in the future they can respect yours and vice versa!
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Heidi 02:47 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
I'm sorry, I don't know the circumstances, I am still fairly new here. I clearly don't know the whole story.

As for a SAHM taking her child to daycare a few days a week, that is certainly your right. Everyone needs a break now and then. It may be hard to find someone willing to take a child for those hours, because most of us have limited spaces, and prefer to fill them with full time children. It is also very hard for (especially younger) children to get into the routine of group care when they aren't there consistently.

That said, if you find a good match, you can afford it, and you and your child are both happy with your choice, then enjoy it !
Sorry, I just realized that you're a dcp too, so some of what I said was "well duh!".

My children went to other day cares or preschool part time when they were little. My sister and best friend both daycares, so that was easy, but my son also went to a Montessori for a while.
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learn-n-grow 02:48 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Zoe:
I'm sorry that you felt judged on this forum. I wanted to say that I agree with you in needing a break sometimes. We're all human! I'm not the kind of mother who is all sunshine and roses with my children 24/7. In fact I'm so glad that my DD is at kindergarten right now. We were really butting heads this summer.

Before I started daycare I was a sahm for a while. My DD's doctor actually encouraged what she called "mental health" time and said that these kind of breaks made me a better mother. Do what is right for you.
It's not about me needing a break because as I said, the hubby steps in. I am thinking solely for my son. I want him to be independent and have a change of scenery. He's been acting out and he gets tons of attention from both of us so I'm just trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Daycare may be the fix and it may not be, who knows. I may not even do it, it was just a thought...
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Lucy 02:49 PM 10-19-2011
One thing to think about is that 3 important things are missing in forums like this -- tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. Those things are EXTREMELY important when it comes to getting a message across the way you really mean it, and for it not to sound argumentative.

That being said, I only saw 2 people who disagreed with you, but many who were on your side in one way or another. (Even though they said they wouldn't put their child in Daycare, they would put them in pre-school, so I considered those "on your side".)

Try this.... re-read that 1st message that you thought was judgmental, and read it as if it was from your best friend, mom, sister, etc. Read it as if it's from someone who is just throwing thoughts out there, but is not trying to put you down. Read it with a GOOD tone of voice, a smile, and an extended hand of helpfulness. You may get a whole different meaning from it. Just sayin...

To sum up, please don't write off this great forum because of just 1 or 2 people. Just ignore them if they made you feel judged, and move on to the next person. But also give them the benefit of the doubt that they may have said it with good intentions, not bad.
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learn-n-grow 02:51 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
I won't label you. I'll agree with you.
Anyone want to take me on??

BTW, here is another thread regarding "rude forum members". It comes with the territory. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23173
Thanks for that!
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Zoe 02:52 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
It's not about me needing a break because as I said, the hubby steps in. I am thinking solely for my son. I want him to be independent and have a change of scenery. He's been acting out and he gets tons of attention from both of us so I'm just trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Daycare may be the fix and it may not be, who knows. I may not even do it, it was just a thought...
I apologize for misunderstanding. I just took what you wrote in the OP and thought that's what it was about.
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nannyde 02:53 PM 10-19-2011
hmmmmmmm

I just scanned the post and see a ton of support and "I did that too" posts. Two people disagree.

We all have different minds.

If you put it on here you are going to get one extreme to the other in responses. We had a post where two kids were lost in a park under a providers care and even SHE got support to not tell the parents and the little kids were partially at fault.

If THAT can happen then having a couple of people disagree with you putting your kid in day care is surely going to happen.

I get disagreed with continually here. It's just part of being on a day care board. Shake it off and do what is right for YOU and your kid.

BTW my kid went to Head Start when he was three and it was HEAVEN.
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Cat Herder 02:55 PM 10-19-2011
I just read your whole thread and to me it looked like you got mostly positive responses.

Did you want everyone to agree with you?



Edit: Ugh...I did not see your post, Nan.

Get out of my head...

My DD got on the school bus at 4 for preschool until I felt comfortable enough with my homeschooling to go solo.
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Lucy 02:58 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:


Edit: Ugh...I did not see your post, Nan.
Or mine that said it first.
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Christian Mother 02:58 PM 10-19-2011
Don't feel judged by your the posts u write. Sometimes things get a crossed wrong. You have to weigh it from every angle.

Every mother/father should have some "me" time. And there are so many ways to be able to go about getting that time. I just now saw that your little guy is having problems. Mine did also...I thought I was the worst parent and couldn't handle my son...I ck'd with his school on maybe how I can better parent only to find out he has ADHD. I need to learn how to work with him not to mention getting him help. I think it's a wonderful ideal to have him in daycare or preschool...sometimes children just need more activities and learning. Not that we can't give those but my son is a gifted child who is about to start excellerated classes in school..he just needed more then what I knew to give him. Entrusting your child into another providers home knowing that he/she will be happy there and learning, loving etc. It gives you a peace of mind, gives your child friends, and the provider excitement and income. Win win for everyone. Please don't be turned off by this sight. You have to take the good with the bad. That is just the way it goes with these sights. Shrug it off girlie. Thank you for venting though...that is why we are here...well also for many other things. But you'll find a lot of people here to comfort you.
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Cat Herder 03:02 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
Or mine that said it first.
You are correct!!! Ugh...my computer loads so ridiculously slow...

The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing.

Vista... what can you do
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Lucy 03:04 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
You are correct!!! Ugh...my computer loads so ridiculously slow...

The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing.

Vista... what can you do
LOL. Just a ha-ha from me.

Windows Vista?? I heard there are lots of problems with it. Maybe it's not your OS though. Maybe it's your browser. Are you on IE? Maybe try Firefox. I have much more luck with FF, and never use IE anymore at all. Or you could try Google Chrome?

EDIT: Sorry for off-topic. Oops.
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sharlan 03:08 PM 10-19-2011
When you go onto a public forum and ask for people's opinions, that just what you get. Everyone here has different opinions and ideas of how things should be done. We all have different life experiences to draw from.

Do I agree with everyone's opinion here? Absolutely not. But I respect what they have to say. I listen to what they have to say and then take it or leave it.

Does everyone here agree with what I have to say? There's a few that disagree with most of what I say. That's great because it gives me a different perspective to look from.

I would never want to be on a forum where everyone agreed with every word I said. I want other's opinions, suggestions, and thoughts. I learn by hearing the other side.
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MyAngels 03:08 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
One thing to think about is that 3 important things are missing in forums like this -- tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. Those things are EXTREMELY important when it comes to getting a message across the way you really mean it, and for it not to sound argumentative.

That being said, I only saw 2 people who disagreed with you, but many who were on your side in one way or another. (Even though they said they wouldn't put their child in Daycare, they would put them in pre-school, so I considered those "on your side".)

Try this.... re-read that 1st message that you thought was judgmental, and read it as if it was from your best friend, mom, sister, etc. Read it as if it's from someone who is just throwing thoughts out there, but is not trying to put you down. Read it with a GOOD tone of voice, a smile, and an extended hand of helpfulness. You may get a whole different meaning from it. Just sayin...

To sum up, please don't write off this great forum because of just 1 or 2 people. Just ignore them if they made you feel judged, and move on to the next person. But also give them the benefit of the doubt that they may have said it with good intentions, not bad.
Very well put. This should be required reading for all internet forums .
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Michael 03:12 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
One thing to think about is that 3 important things are missing in forums like this -- tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. Those things are EXTREMELY important when it comes to getting a message across the way you really mean it, and for it not to sound argumentative.

That being said, I only saw 2 people who disagreed with you, but many who were on your side in one way or another. (Even though they said they wouldn't put their child in Daycare, they would put them in pre-school, so I considered those "on your side".)

Try this.... re-read that 1st message that you thought was judgmental, and read it as if it was from your best friend, mom, sister, etc. Read it as if it's from someone who is just throwing thoughts out there, but is not trying to put you down. Read it with a GOOD tone of voice, a smile, and an extended hand of helpfulness. You may get a whole different meaning from it. Just sayin...

To sum up, please don't write off this great forum because of just 1 or 2 people. Just ignore them if they made you feel judged, and move on to the next person. But also give them the benefit of the doubt that they may have said it with good intentions, not bad.
Yes, this is well said. I think I am going to copy this and put it in the New Members Forum as a sticky.
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31242
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nannyde 03:13 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
You are correct!!! Ugh...my computer loads so ridiculously slow...

The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing.

Vista... what can you do
The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing. Look at the minutes of the posts.
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Lucy 03:17 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
Very well put. This should be required reading for all internet forums .
Thanks! I rock! LOL
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Lucy 03:19 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing. Look at the minutes of the posts.
16 minutes
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learn-n-grow 03:21 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
One thing to think about is that 3 important things are missing in forums like this -- tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. Those things are EXTREMELY important when it comes to getting a message across the way you really mean it, and for it not to sound argumentative.

That being said, I only saw 2 people who disagreed with you, but many who were on your side in one way or another. (Even though they said they wouldn't put their child in Daycare, they would put them in pre-school, so I considered those "on your side".)

Try this.... re-read that 1st message that you thought was judgmental, and read it as if it was from your best friend, mom, sister, etc. Read it as if it's from someone who is just throwing thoughts out there, but is not trying to put you down. Read it with a GOOD tone of voice, a smile, and an extended hand of helpfulness. You may get a whole different meaning from it. Just sayin...

To sum up, please don't write off this great forum because of just 1 or 2 people. Just ignore them if they made you feel judged, and move on to the next person. But also give them the benefit of the doubt that they may have said it with good intentions, not bad.
I'm not writing off the forum, I am just shocked at how judgmental people can be and as I stated in my post, I am not just referring to my post. There were other posts with similar subjects. I know that written words can be misconstrued so I take that into consideration. Just as you have said read it that way, people should take the time to be sure that what they are writing does not come across that way.
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Cat Herder 03:21 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing. Look at the minutes of the posts.
all of our keyboards were flying at the same time. ...
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dave4him 03:23 PM 10-19-2011
Yes. Now as a Stay at home dad its my belief that every person, mom or dad, is designed for what they can and cannot do. We cant put everyone in the same test tube because they are all various shapes and types. My wife loves our kids and they are the joy of her life, but could she stay at home with them rather than me - after a year of being at home with them myself - not without a great deal of help... she was made to be a wonderful mother and i was made to be a wonderful father, but there is simply no reason to cast judgment.
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learn-n-grow 03:28 PM 10-19-2011
What I am not saying is that I want everyone to agree with me and I am not referring to only my post. I have read a couple other posts with a similar subject and people can be so mean. I can take an opinion, that's not the problem. But to say why have kids if you don't want to stay home with them or you need to get your priorities straight if you want to put your child in day care is a little extreme for me.
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dave4him 03:32 PM 10-19-2011
Why have kids?...... well for starters so the human race doesnt go extinct
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Lucy 03:34 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
What I am not saying is that I want everyone to agree with me and I am not referring to only my post. I have read a couple other posts with a similar subject and people can be so mean. I can take an opinion, that's not the problem. But to say why have kids if you don't want to stay home with them or you need to get your priorities straight if you want to put your child in day care is a little extreme for me.
Again, just ignore that person who you feel insulted you, and move on to the next person.
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Blackcat31 03:34 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
What I am not saying is that I want everyone to agree with me and I am not referring to only my post. I have read a couple other posts with a similar subject and people can be so mean. I can take an opinion, that's not the problem. But to say why have kids if you don't want to stay home with them or you need to get your priorities straight if you want to put your child in day care is a little extreme for me.
Oh Hun, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Go back and read some of the older posts and discussions. Some of them were pretty interesting to say the least.

I hear you though and know exactly what you mean but honestly, to each his (her) own. Pick out the advice you like and skip the rest. Works for me.

I am too old and too impatient to call people out that I disagree with or think are rude/judgemental.

I chose to believe in Karma instead. Works better....and alleviates the stress.
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learn-n-grow 03:34 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
When you go onto a public forum and ask for people's opinions, that just what you get. Everyone here has different opinions and ideas of how things should be done. We all have different life experiences to draw from.

Do I agree with everyone's opinion here? Absolutely not. But I respect what they have to say. I listen to what they have to say and then take it or leave it.

Does everyone here agree with what I have to say? There's a few that disagree with most of what I say. That's great because it gives me a different perspective to look from.

I would never want to be on a forum where everyone agreed with every word I said. I want other's opinions, suggestions, and thoughts. I learn by hearing the other side.
I am not looking for everyone to agree with me. In this particular instance, I wanted to know if there were any other providers that have put their child in childcare. If you haven't then you have nothing to say. YOu don't need to tell me that I need to re-evaluate things and get my priorities straight.
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Crystal 03:35 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
What I am not saying is that I want everyone to agree with me and I am not referring to only my post. I have read a couple other posts with a similar subject and people can be so mean. I can take an opinion, that's not the problem. But to say why have kids if you don't want to stay home with them or you need to get your priorities straight if you want to put your child in day care is a little extreme for me.
I agree with you. I have really backed off of posting here as much as I used too. I got tired of EVERYTHING becoming an argument. Some members feel the need to post a reply to everything, when a good majority of the time they should just move along. I, myself, am a guilty of it at times, but it is usually in response to things that I am actually rather passionate about, not every little topic. I think members need to pay attention to the OP and comment if their opinion is really being asked for....not just because they can.

And, I completely agree with you that the comment regarding putting your child in daycare meaning you don't have your priorities straight, blah, blah, blah, was completely uncalled for.....just know in the end....that person's opinion has absolutely no significance in the grand scheme of things and try to let it go
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nannyde 03:38 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
What I am not saying is that I want everyone to agree with me and I am not referring to only my post. I have read a couple other posts with a similar subject and people can be so mean. I can take an opinion, that's not the problem. But to say why have kids if you don't want to stay home with them or you need to get your priorities straight if you want to put your child in day care is a little extreme for me.
I got my priorities straight and sent my little demon to Head Start. He even rode the little Head Start bus.

It was AWESOME.

I got to dress him in really cute clothes and he got to DO something outside of the house. The only thing I didn't like about it was they have a ton of breaks and it was only four days a week.

His first teacher was a REAL teacher and it was her first year teaching. She was adorable and so sweet. She was very excited about her job and he had a blast. She had a teachers assistant who was in her fifties and she didn't play. Great combo of youth and experience.

It wasn't that great for "education" but it was great for FUN. I didn't include him in my day care when he was little so it was his first real experience in a group of kids. It was very cool.
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Cat Herder 03:40 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
What I am not saying is that I want everyone to agree with me and I am not referring to only my post. I have read a couple other posts with a similar subject and people can be so mean. I can take an opinion, that's not the problem. But to say why have kids if you don't want to stay home with them or you need to get your priorities straight if you want to put your child in day care is a little extreme for me.
Oh... Yeah.

I think those posts are typically out of frustration with folks who have their kids in daycare open to close then require another for evening care...often followed by being dropped at Grandparents on the weekends...

You know what it feels like to watch those kids beg for their parents. It builds and they post....

Anything posted that seems too extreme in any one direction tends to make me look for hurt feelings, venting and personal hot buttons. YKWIM?

There was an awesome thread on "hot button" issues... Sometimes we even "poke a hornets nest" to help another provider vent in hopes they wont vent at clients or to get at the root of the issue... I mean, who better would understand that nobody was really driven to tears by one tootsie roll breakfast....
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Country Kids 03:49 PM 10-19-2011
I know of a whole forum that was very close to being shut down because of how out of hand it became. Being were judging something horrible or making posts of things they had no idea of. Alot of members left or won't even post anymore.
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nannyde 03:54 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I know of a whole forum that was very close to being shut down because of how out of hand it became. Being were judging something horrible or making posts of things they had no idea of. Alot of members left or won't even post anymore.
Wow

When did that happen?

This board has grown a lot since I've been here. I didn't realize there was a time when it was going to be shut down or that there was a time when a lot of members left.

That either happened before I came or I missed it.
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Crystal 03:55 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Wow

When did that happen?

This board has grown a lot since I've been here. I didn't realize there was a time when it was going to be shut down or that there was a time when a lot of members left.

That either happened before I came or I missed it.
I don't think she meant this forum.....
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Lucy 03:57 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Wow

When did that happen?

This board has grown a lot since I've been here. I didn't realize there was a time when it was going to be shut down or that there was a time when a lot of members left.

That either happened before I came or I missed it.
She knew "of" a forum.... not this one.
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Michael 04:03 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
She know "of" a forum.... not this one.
Yes, not THIS forum. It would take a lot for me to close it.
I think I, and the mods, have a pretty good handle on the environment and attitude of this forum. Actually most members here are great!

I also own a whisky forum that I occasionally manage. I think they get along well there also but for different but obvious reasons. http://whisky.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2
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nannyde 04:10 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
Yes, not THIS forum. It would take a lot for me to close it.
I think I, and the mods, have a pretty good handle on the environment and attitude of this forum. Actually most members here are great!

I also own a whisky forum that I occasionally manage. I think they are all happy there too but for different but obvious reasons. http://whisky.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2
Gotcha gotcha

I misread what she said.


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JenNJ 04:43 PM 10-19-2011
You have to learn to filter out the rudeness. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

You know your child best. If you think he needs daycare -- go for it! My son started at daycare at 3.5 2 days a week. At 4.5 I increased it to 3 days a week. We BOTH needed it. Now he is a happy, well adjusted kindergartener who loves school and is not the least bit scared to leave mommy.
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Kaddidle Care 05:11 PM 10-19-2011
Just put me on your ignore list dear - I've done the same for you.
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Crystal 05:17 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
Just put me on your ignore list dear - I've done the same for you.
hmmmm.....if she's on your ignore list.....how do you know what she posted? speaking of rude......................................
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Kaddidle Care 05:23 PM 10-19-2011

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Heidi 07:10 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
Kaddidle...you are very naughty! Instigator!
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Michael 07:50 PM 10-19-2011
Careful. I'm taking numbers.
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Blackcat31 09:24 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
Careful. I'm taking numbers.
Hold on a sec,.....I gotta get my popcorn
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cheerfuldom 07:11 AM 10-20-2011
I think some people mistake being judgmental or mean as not agreeing with them. Or they are too close to the issue to see that people really are trying to help. One time I posted and I felt a little attacked and just dropped the topic. then a few months later, I ran into the thread, re-read and could easily see that the posts were not bad intending at all. I guess I was just being oversensitive in the heat of the moment. that happens sometimes too.
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GotKids 07:17 AM 10-20-2011
Years ago in CA a few providers I knew would do "daycare" for each others kids. They would swap kids during business hours so their child and themselves could get a break. It is easy to forget that even though a childcare provider works at home it is still work and balancing that with full time Mommy can wear you out.

The swap provided the time the parents needed away from their children so when they returned they could be mommy to them and their teacher. It also helped them them adjust to for school without mom solving all their problems or them having rules and privileges that no one else had.

Every situation is different and to expect what works for one family to be the end all answer for everyone is very narrow minding. I say if putting your child in daycare is what you feel is right then how can a group of strangers know more more about your family and their needs than you do?
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countrymom 07:32 AM 10-20-2011
well, I put my dd in daycare long ago so she can play with other kids, and when I had my ydd I put her in the gym daycare because she was so clingy I couldn't fix the problem.

as for rude members, I'm going to read your thread but I already know which ones they are, ignore them.
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Ariana 07:34 AM 10-20-2011
Yeah I do agree with the others! It's the internet so don't take things too personally. We all judge others and people who say they don't are probably liars....or I'm judging them as liars :P

You gotta take the good with the bad and people are going to give their "real" opinions on an anonymous forum so you have to prepare for it!!
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dEHmom 07:38 AM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...
I agree with what you are saying. I have always said the same things, and I battle with some family members and my DH because they figure we get to stay home, and can sit down all day if we want, and don't understand that we are on call 24/7.

I just started a new family. The mom phoned me and said her dad passed away in the summer, and he used to take her 2 girls 2 or 3 days a week, and she hasn't had a break from them since. So she decided to put them in daycare.

At first I thought, Wow, you sound like a great mom, but then I find out more info. The parents are self employed, work from home, and she needs to get the paperwork (book keeping), errands, etc done. Plus she schedules dr. appts on those days the kids are away as well. But honestly, it wouldn't matter to me if she was using this time to have an affair with the milk man.


Anyways, she emailed last night asking if it would be ok to drop off 15 mins early and I emailed back saying no problem for today, but not normally (because I have to drive kids to school and don't have proper seats, but today I don' thave to.). I asked her if she was happy with things so far, any q's or concerns? and she emailed back saying she's so happy and glad to hear (she read the email to her husband and they looked at each other like what are we doing wrong?) because they feel like their kids are holy terrors at home. So I know she was close to a burnout.


Sorry that was so long. I just wanted to share, that it doesn't matter what the reasons are for putting a child in daycare. No matter what you need a break from your kids, so you can enjoy the time you do have with them. Even as a SAHM doing daycare, your attention isn't 100% on your own kid. Plus they have distractions with friends, crafts, and other fun times. I am lucky because we have such a large family, someones usually taking my kids for a sleepover on the weekends. Not every weekend, don't get me wrong, but about once a month.

Also, sometimes peoples comments come off with the wrong tone on here. Often that is a problem with the written word verses the spoken word.

AND....you should check out the thread about the forum cycle because we were in it this past week
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hoopinglady 07:59 AM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by GotKids:
Every situation is different and to expect what works for one family to be the end all answer for everyone is very narrow minding. I say if putting your child in daycare is what you feel is right then how can a group of strangers know more more about your family and their needs than you do?
This.

It would have never occurred to me to put my own children in daycare. It did make me say "hmm, that's strange". It would not occur to me, either, to judge or insult your decision.

That, however, is the very nature of places like this. If you are really looking for opinions then you should keep an open mind and take it all in...with a grain of salt if needed.

Otherwise, just let it go. If you are secure in your decision, it shouldn't matter what others say and if you get defensive over judgmental comments, maybe you should give your decision some more thought? Maybe you're having doubts?

I was glad that is was posted, actually. It was interesting to me from both sides.

Either way, good luck.
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Unregistered 08:24 AM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by learn-n-grow:
Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...
I wanted to put in my 2 cents here. I use to be a member on here and I closed my account out. I felt the same way you do.

I do come on and read post from time to time and even post some. But when I read post like your ASKING "if any providers ever put their own chldren in daycare while having their own daycare",?

You did not ask for someone to slam you, put you down. That person should have never posted such a RUDE posting.

You were asking "IF ANY OTHER PROVIDER"??

I think if more posters would "READ" what the posters are asking. So if your were NOT a provider that had placed your child in child care while running a home daycare.....then why answer with a VERY RUDE POST?

I am a provider for MANY MANY years, but I can not answer your question as i never done that, so i won't post.

But i wanted to give you some BIG BIG hugs and to tell you I was really sorry to see such a "RUDE posting".

Here are more BIG HUGGGGGGGSSSSS
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SandeeAR 08:30 AM 10-20-2011
I too rarely post anymore. Because the sad thing is, some of the "rude and judegemental" posted, don't realize THEY are the "rude and judgemental" posters.

I have a tough skin. I just don't have the time in my life to waste on getting upset by other peoples junk.

Now I just read to learn new information. If I have a question about something, I ususally PM a couple of the ones that I value their opinions.
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Crystal 08:37 AM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I think some people mistake being judgmental or mean as not agreeing with them. Or they are too close to the issue to see that people really are trying to help. One time I posted and I felt a little attacked and just dropped the topic. then a few months later, I ran into the thread, re-read and could easily see that the posts were not bad intending at all. I guess I was just being oversensitive in the heat of the moment. that happens sometimes too.
I think the Op's (very valid) point is that these particular remarks were uncalled for. She didn't ask if members agree or disagree with her. She didn't ask for members personal opinions....she asked about their EXPERIENCES. Had she started the thread asking for people's opinions, then they'd have the right to post their opinion. What the OP did though was ask if anyone has any experience with putting their own child in day care for a few hours a day and how that worked out for them. Then she gets remarks about not having her priorities straight, balh, blah, blah.

THOSE are the types of comments that should be kept to themselves......she didn't ask what do you think about me as a parent if I do this, she asked has anyone done this and what was your experience with it.

This happens regularly here.....whatever happened to "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" ?
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melissa ann 08:50 AM 10-20-2011
When my dd was 4 I enrolled her in preschool. It was the best thing for her. Even though I do preschool. She made lots of friends her own age and became more independant. She's now in 1st grade. I love my daughter, but I can honestly tell you that I"m glad she's in school all day. The kids I have are 4and under and she gets frustrated with them. Which is understandable.

My son is now in preschool and he is doing great. He is/was really clingly to me. Even if he went to his g-ma's,within the hour he would want to come home. He's still the first one to want to come home. But he is not quite so shy as before preschool. I'm glad to have been able to be with my kids when they were younger, but as they get older, they need some time away from mom/dad.
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2ndFamilyDC 09:50 AM 10-20-2011
Other forums I have been on have judgemental people on them too, can't get away from them.

Sorry some on here made you feel that way. I am not here to judge anyone, I am on here to learn from others, gain new insight and some new ideas.

I learned quick that at times I need to keep my opinions to myself on here.
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jen 03:26 PM 10-20-2011
My DD did not go to preschool or to another provider...she cried for about 2 weeks at the beginning of Kindergarden and the same deal in 1st grade. She cried when the session changed at gymnastics...even though the coach and most of the kids were the same. Going to a friends house? NO way.

She is in 3rd grade now and she is fabulous...competes in gymnastics, LOVES school, sleeps over at friends houses...super social and outgoing....

In hindsight, I should of had her go do something away from me so that the transition would be easier. I felt that academically I was doing a better job than preschool would have, but I didn't take the separation issues in to consideration.

Do what works for you and your child.
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Michael 05:30 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I wanted to put in my 2 cents here. I use to be a member on here and I closed my account out. I felt the same way you do.

Here are more BIG HUGGGGGGGSSSSS
Is that you Beth?
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Michael 05:35 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by 2ndFamilyDC:
Other forums I have been on have judgemental people on them too, can't get away from them.

Sorry some on here made you feel that way. I am not here to judge anyone, I am on here to learn from others, gain new insight and some new ideas.

I learned quick that at times I need to keep my opinions to myself on here.
I find when I post something in a contested thread I pretty much say what I want to say and move on. I guess I just get it off my chest and move onto other things/posts.

For the most part, I enjoy putting time in here. I have a lot of other things to do but for the most part this is a great forum IMHO.
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nannyde 06:43 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I think the Op's (very valid) point is that these particular remarks were uncalled for. She didn't ask if members agree or disagree with her. She didn't ask for members personal opinions....she asked about their EXPERIENCES. Had she started the thread asking for people's opinions, then they'd have the right to post their opinion. What the OP did though was ask if anyone has any experience with putting their own child in day care for a few hours a day and how that worked out for them. Then she gets remarks about not having her priorities straight, balh, blah, blah.

THOSE are the types of comments that should be kept to themselves......she didn't ask what do you think about me as a parent if I do this, she asked has anyone done this and what was your experience with it.

This happens regularly here.....whatever happened to "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" ?
Yes but inevitably if we tell our experiences and say they were good for us we ARE endorsing our own opinion. Once one person gives their opinion then the opinion is up for discussion.

You really can't have one without the other.

It's an internet forum with loads of opinions. That's what we do.
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Unregistered 09:07 PM 10-20-2011
"Is that you Beth?' quoting Michael"

I am registered here. I do not like to log in and use my registered name very often. I find it sort of creepy that Michael responded to my very first post by stating where my IP address located me. This forum does not feel very anonymous to me when my location is noted and commented upon. I don't understand enough about computers/forums/IP addresses to know if this is common, but to me, anonymous means that - anonymous. Not, you think you're anonymous but Michael (or someone else) really knows where you're from or maybe even who you are (Beth).
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Michael 03:41 AM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
"Is that you Beth?' quoting Michael"

I am registered here. I do not like to log in and use my registered name very often. I find it sort of creepy that Michael responded to my very first post by stating where my IP address located me. This forum does not feel very anonymous to me when my location is noted and commented upon. I don't understand enough about computers/forums/IP addresses to know if this is common, but to me, anonymous means that - anonymous. Not, you think you're anonymous but Michael (or someone else) really knows where you're from or maybe even who you are (Beth).
See you're still anonymous. Most if not all sites know where a user is from. If you're IP shows you are from California......Big Deal. That still makes you anonymous. We have thousands of members from differing states. Are you just trolling for a fight?
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Unregistered 05:48 AM 10-21-2011
Expressing an opinion/feeling. Trying to understand how IP works. Guess that post came off wrong. I didn't mean to be disagreeable with you personally, Michael, after all you do for day care providers with this site. I'm just kind of paranoid about how much information gets sucked out of my computer into the unknown world of the internet!
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Unregistered 06:29 AM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
I find when I post something in a contested thread I pretty much say what I want to say and move on. I guess I just get it off my chest and move onto other things/posts.

For the most part, I enjoy putting time in here. I have a lot of other things to do but for the most part this is a great forum IMHO.
Just curious- and forgive if this has been addressed before....

but why do you find this to be a great forum? Do you have anything to do with daycare? I believe I read somewhere that you are married. Are you the actual person posting or is your wife? Is this just work to you or do you have a connection to daycares? I skimmed your back ground of going from rock band to here.......very interesting. It also seems as though you have a strong family connection with your brother is this true?

I stay hidden, because I don't want to put "me" out there- you chop me up enough as it is. I hope you keep me hidden Michael. I am not beth and I am not a troll and I am not just another unregistered. I have been reading the forums for a while. I too, take it and leave it. I come here for information and helps and tips and support and friendships. Nan is one of my favorite posters- she knows her stuff. I learn from her and others here.
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Unregistered 07:08 AM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Expressing an opinion/feeling. Trying to understand how IP works. Guess that post came off wrong. I didn't mean to be disagreeable with you personally, Michael, after all you do for day care providers with this site. I'm just kind of paranoid about how much information gets sucked out of my computer into the unknown world of the internet!
I wouldn't stress too much about being anon here. I posted logged out one time to ask a serious question that I didn't want linked to my log in and he posted the state my IP address told him I was in. The funny thing is that it was not even the correct state. I don't think he takes the time to really stalk the posters and track down anything other than very very basic information, most the time I don't think he has the time to even do that.

If you are really worried about your information. Never use names of your childcare, children or parents. Do not post pictures, address or link your website. Other than that you should be fine. Most people don't stalk a daycare forum in search of hacking our computers or seeking us out in person. It isn't like our bank accounts are the fullest or houses are filled with high end items that interest your typical thief.
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dave4him 07:11 AM 10-21-2011
Cue Oceans 12 quote:
"It's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it, and I can't talk about why."

"Ooo..."
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Crystal 07:23 AM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Yes but inevitably if we tell our experiences and say they were good for us we ARE endorsing our own opinion. Once one person gives their opinion then the opinion is up for discussion.

You really can't have one without the other.

It's an internet forum with loads of opinions. That's what we do.
Agreed. Except This post, from the original thread:

Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
Never!
Perhaps you need to re-evalutate your current situation - maybe you are taking care of too many children?

You say "I just think he needs a break from mommy." Are you sure it's not the other way around? I don't mean to criticize, we all need a break from our children every now and then but to put them in Daycare?

It's time to sort out your priorities.
was NOT telling about her own experience....this was just mean-spirited. I don't see how that helped the OP at all and it was not what the OP asked about. This is judging a person's character, not sharing her experience.
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Michael 05:39 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Just curious- and forgive if this has been addressed before....

but why do you find this to be a great forum? Do you have anything to do with daycare? I believe I read somewhere that you are married. Are you the actual person posting or is your wife? Is this just work to you or do you have a connection to daycares? I skimmed your back ground of going from rock band to here.......very interesting. It also seems as though you have a strong family connection with your brother is this true?

I stay hidden, because I don't want to put "me" out there- you chop me up enough as it is. I hope you keep me hidden Michael. I am not beth and I am not a troll and I am not just another unregistered. I have been reading the forums for a while. I too, take it and leave it. I come here for information and helps and tips and support and friendships. Nan is one of my favorite posters- she knows her stuff. I learn from her and others here.
I must say that your post is very odd in several ways.

I stay hidden, because I don't want to put "me" out there- you chop me up enough as it is.
I don't believe I am the type of person to "chop" people up as you describe.

Do you have anything to do with daycare?
I own Daycare.com, hence, I am involved in the business of daycare.

I believe I read somewhere that you are married.
There is enough information on the internet if you search for my name. It appears you have already done your homework.

Nan is one of my favorite posters- she knows her stuff.
Yes she does as do many of our members on this forum. I even gave Nannyde her own Blog. You should check it out sometime: www.daycare.com/nannyde

Your prodding is a bit creepy. Is this a Halloween stunt??

Enjoy the forum and consider registering.
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Sugar Magnolia 06:30 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:

....I chose to believe in Karma instead. Works better....and alleviates the stress.
Ditto this. You have to be like a duck. Just let the negativity of the world roll like water off of your well-oiled back. Otherwise, it seeps in and weighs you down and you can't keep swimming through the big a** pond of life. Let the good vibes be the rays of sunshine that dry up that negative water.

So sayeth hippie chick. LOL!
BTW, to the OP: I support your choice.
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daycare 07:16 PM 10-21-2011
I've only read little of this because I'm so Taken back by these types of threads.

All I have to say I'd these are just WORDS! Leave them at that and know when to just be done and move on to better post!

TGIF ladies and gentlemen!!
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Unregistered 07:23 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
I must say that your post is very odd in several ways. I agree, when I reread it, I thought......gee I know what I am saying but will anyone else get it?

I stay hidden, because I don't want to put "me" out there- you chop me up enough as it is.
I don't believe I am the type of person to "chop" people up as you describe. I was referring to some of the members that have in the past. I was not speaking of you Michael. I have read nothing unkind of you that I can recall.

Do you have anything to do with daycare?
I own Daycare.com, hence, I am involved in the business of daycare. I understand that you own daycare.com, but how did that come about.....what made you interested in daycare....or was it business only. Curious

I believe I read somewhere that you are married.
There is enough information on the internet if you search for my name. It appears you have already done your homework. You had posted a link that I looked at very quick. I asked because I was wondering if you Michael were posting or if your wife did childcare-curious to how you came about on this topic, an interest or pure business deal.

Nan is one of my favorite posters- she knows her stuff.
Yes she does as do many of our members on this forum. I even gave Nannyde her own Blog. You should check it out sometime: www.daycare.com/nannyde I have several times.

Your prodding is a bit creepy. Is this a Halloween stunt?? no, sadly enough I am just a normal person.

Enjoy the forum and consider registering.
I will and have been on here for a long time now. I am not ready to become a member. I like being me. Let me clarify-not all unregistered posters are trolls or whatever, some just like not having it all out there. I read and respond to what moves me or an area I feel I can help or help is asked for. This forum is a great place for us providers. I continue to learn a lot here.
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Michelle 07:43 PM 10-21-2011
what the heck? I have been too busy working that I missed all this,

yikes, I am so glad it's Friday, come Monday everyone will be rested and nice again...
OP... Do what you want with your kids, don't listen to anyone...
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dave4him 09:41 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
OP... Do what you want with your kids, don't listen to anyone...
I hear ya!
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mom2many 11:10 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
what the heck? I have been too busy working that I missed all this,

yikes, I am so glad it's Friday, come Monday everyone will be rested and nice again...
OP... Do what you want with your kids, don't listen to anyone...
YES! I so agree!
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Tags:forum members, judgmental, rude members
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