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New Members - Welcome to the Forum!>How Do You Tell A Parent Their DD Isn't Ready To Potty Train
Rolloveryp 12:43 PM 09-12-2013
I have a dcg who is almost two. Dcm decided about a month ago she needed to start potty training. She told me she has seen readiness signs so I agreed to work with her. She is in no way ready, she does not stay dry for any extended amount of time. She never tells me she needs to go. If she does go she trickles in the potty and then goes in her diaper. This dcm has a history of being difficult and not being flexible. I would love to term her but need the income. I haven't told her, but I stopped putting dcg on potty, but how do I tell someone their kid isn't ready when they're convinced they are?
Unregistered 02:49 PM 09-12-2013
Parents lie about child being "ready " she wants you to train her so she can then senread her to a "preschool" or "real school" it happens all the time
Cat Herder 03:49 PM 09-12-2013
"I will take her to the potty every time she asks."


It puts the onus back on Mom to work on potty readiness, recognizing and verbalizing need at home.

*** It get's tricky if Parents are "training" with treats. Kid saying "I want to go potty" then translates to I want candy. Avoid the candy trap at all costs.
Rolloveryp 06:12 PM 09-12-2013
No treats involved, I will give stickers when they pee or poop.
Cradle2crayons 11:58 PM 09-12-2013
I have a specific potty training policy here. It's in the handbook and all parents have to sign under each section stating they have read and understand.

Here is my policy:::

"Due to health and sanitation issues, I have developed my own potty training (or potty learning) policy. Most importantly, potty training MUST begin at home. In order to prevent confusion between provider and parent and to give every child the best possible chance of success, the following must happen prior to a child starting in underwear while at childcare. No pull-ups are allowed for potty training. Diapers only until all of the following is completed. If the child is showing step 1 while at daycare, I will inform you and yu may begin when you are ready.

(1) the child MUST be able to verbalize "I have to go potty". This doesn't mean taking the child to the potty every hour or when others go etc. As a general rule, prior to this, the child needs to be able to stay dry in their diaper for at least two hours at a time and must be showing signs of when they are pottying.
(2) the child MUST be able to remove their pants, diaper, etc independently.
(3) the child must be able to use safety equipment provided (such as a step stool etc) to get onto the toilet independently.
(4) at this point, parents need to start potty training at home, preferably over a long weekend. If you are not sure if your child is able to truly know when they get the urge to go, please ask me. I am here to help. Please start from the very first day teaching your child how to pull down their pants and diaper, how to get on the toilet, and how to wipe correctly. Also, please teach them about pulling up their clothes, flushing the toilet and washing their hands afterwards.
(5) please let me know when training has started and I will remind your child to let me know when they have to go while here. If they refuse to verbalize they need to go, then we will continue reminding them to let me know.
(6) after two weeks without an accident while at daycare, you may send underwear for your child here. I will assist with wiping for bowel movements temporarily until the child can do it independently. If, at any point, the child has more than one accident in their undies very occasionally (once a week for the first few weeks), they will have to go back into underwear until they are dry again for two weeks. This is for health and sanitation reasons. After the first few weeks, I would expect the child is able to completely verbalize having to go, removing their clothes, getting onto the toilet independently, wiping correctly, getting off the toilet, pulling up their pants, flushing, and washing hands:: all independently.

Please understand that while I'm here to support each and every daycare child and family, my potty policy is adapted to allow for the best possible success for your child. Also, the first few weeks of potty training is very important. They have to learn several self help skills that require significant one on one time to master. This is better taught at home where one in one care can be given.

While there are lots of books and potty training methods out there, it's proven that the best possible success can only be obtained when and only when THE CHILD IS READY, not when only the parents are ready.

Thanks for understanding and if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me."

Cat Herder 04:14 AM 09-13-2013
I have this page in my enrollment forms. It has been a while since I posted this so:

A child is usually ready for toilet training when he/she can do most of the following:

1. Sit for short periods

2. Follow simple directions and complete simple tasks

3. Understands the meaning of toilet training words

4. Stay dry for at least 2 hours at a time

5. Stay dry during naps

6. Walk to and from the restroom

7. Pull his /her pants up and down

8. Verbally express the need to go

9. Have regularly scheduled bowel movements

10. Show facial expressions, position themselves, or make sounds before urinating or having a bowel movement

11. Control muscles used in the elimination and voiding process

12. Expresses an interest in regular underwear

13. Shows interest in the toilet or potty chair

Techniques for successful toilet training include:

1. Staying calm and maintaining a sense of humor

2. Explaining and showing children exactly what to do

3. Teaching appropriate words for body parts, urine, and bowel movements

4. Recognizing when children are ready to eliminate or void

5. Teaching children the connection between the feeling and having to go

6. Using a potty chair or potty attachment if child sized toilets are unavailable

7. Reading books about toilet training

8. Using easily removed clothing; no zippers, snaps, buttons or belts

9. Helping children on and off the potty

10. Teaching correct wiping, flushing, dressing and hand washing practices

11. Recognize that accidents often occur immediately after leaving the potty; try not to show disappointment, and never show anger or punish accidents

12. Understand that children may regress to needing diapers again during times of stress. Examples include the birth of a new sibling, major move, parent retuning to work, family illness/death or divorce.

Blackcat31 09:11 AM 09-13-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Parents lie about child being "ready " she wants you to train her so she can then send her to a "preschool" or "real school" it happens all the time
That is not true at all.

I've had many children in care that were completely trained at home but not quite "trained" at daycare. I've also had the opposite, trained at daycare but not at all trained at home.

Two completely different environments with two different approaches so the child can be completely different in each place.

Other posters gave great advice about what skills should be mastered before beginning toilet training.

As far as telling the parent, I would maybe just sit them down and tell them what you said in your original post... the child is just not ready yet.
Tags:potty trained - not
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