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  #1  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:14 AM
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Default Send Child Home For Continually Assaulting Another Child?

One of my DCK keeps hitting, kicking, pulling hair. Every time it turn around the victim has another accusation. I've witnessed the aggressor at least a dozen times assault the victim. This just started this morning but has been going on non stop for the last 90 minutes. I want to send DCM a text warning her if it continues DCK will need to be picked up for the day.

Would you warn DCM and send home if it continues?

Last edited by Michael; 10-08-2013 at 02:22 PM.
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  #2  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
One of my DCK keeps hitting, kicking, pulling hair. Every time it turn around the victim has another accusation. I've witnessed the agressor at least a dozen times assault the victim. This just started this morning but has been going on non stop for the last 90 minutes. I want to send DCM a text warning her if it continues DCK will need to be picked up for the day.

Would you warn DCM and send home if it continues?
Why would you let that go on for 90 minutes.?

Is this even a real question or a troll?
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:35 AM
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first i'm wondering if this is a troll question too.

but if not, where the heck are you as a provider and why would you let this happen.
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:40 AM
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One of my DCK keeps hitting, kicking, pulling hair. Every time it turn around the victim has another accusation. I've witnessed the agressor at least a dozen times assault the victim. This just started this morning but has been going on non stop for the last 90 minutes. I want to send DCM a text warning her if it continues DCK will need to be picked up for the day.

Would you warn DCM and send home if it continues?
Absolutely warn mom, but it's your job as the provider to be proactive once you've witnessed aggressive behavior. Separate the two, supervise, try to identify triggers and intervene before the aggressor has an opportunity to lash out.

There's no reason the child should have had the opportunity to hurt someone else that many times without serious intervention on your part to avoid future assaults.
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:42 AM
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Um......yes
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:45 AM
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He needs to go home asap no warning
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
One of my DCK keeps hitting, kicking, pulling hair. Every time it turn around the victim has another accusation. I've witnessed the agressor at least a dozen times assault the victim. This just started this morning but has been going on non stop for the last 90 minutes. I want to send DCM a text warning her if it continues DCK will need to be picked up for the day.

Would you warn DCM and send home if it continues?
First, this behavior is normal for a child under 2.5. If the child is older than that, I would most definitely be sending the child home. Under 2.5, I would ATTEMPT to head off the behavior myself and deal with it here. If it becomes too much, the child would be sent home for the day.

Kids under 3 just simply do better with one-on-one play. Is it possible to find an older kid to assign to play with him for a while? Some kids under 3 are very social creatures (especially the ones that grow up in daycare), but developmentally, they just aren't generally capable of empathy and the concept of social rules. However, they DO understand what "no" means, and telling them "No, hitting hurts, use gentle hands". Repeat this phrase 2,000 times, and they'll get it.

How I would deal with the situation depends on the age and maturity level of the child, but if the situation is one where you feel that the child needs so much supervision today that you just can't keep the victim safe, I would send home regardless of age.
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  #8  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:48 AM
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I am not a troll. The assaults are very mild. And I have intervened and am keeping a very close eye on both children. I also have 2 infants that I'm caring for at the same time, literally every time I turn around the victim says so and so pulled my hair/hit me/touched me/took this away from me. I keep separating the 2 kids. I've never dealt with continuous behavior like his before and wasn't sure if it's something you all would send home for.

The victim has not been injured or really hurt at all. The issue is the aggressor seems to have a major issue with keeping their hands to themselves and the victim is very sensitive that I think some if the "hits" are just touches. I have witnessed a few times where it really is a little rougher than that.

Sorry for not being more clear on the severity. I just quickly typed the original post to get opinions while I had a minute.

Would you warn mom and send home if aggressor makes contact again?
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  #9  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I am not a troll. The assaults are very mild. And I have intervened and am keeping a very close eye on both children. I also have 2 infants that I'm caring for at the same time, literally every time I turn around the victim says so and so pulled my hair/hit me/touched me/took this away from me. I keep separating the 2 kids. I've never dealt with continuous behavior like his before and wasn't sure if it's something you all would send home for.

The victim has not been injured or really hurt at all. The issue is the aggressor seems to have a major issue with keeping their hands to themselves and the victim is very sensitive that I think some if the "hits" are just touches. I have witnessed a few times where it really is a little rougher than that.

Sorry for not being more clear on the severity. I just quickly typed the original post to get opinions while I had a minute.

Would you warn mom and send home if aggressor makes contact again?
You need to keep the aggressor in your site at all times! If you can't do that, they yes, send home *and* terminate care. I get that infants can be demanding, but essentially what you are saying is that you can't adequately care for *all* the children in your care.
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  #10  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:53 AM
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Just caught victim lying. Now I don't know how many of the accusations are real. Ugh! I've witnessed aggressor being to physical but it doesn't seem bad, but now I know victim is making some false accusations.
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  #11  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
You need to keep the aggressor in your site at all times! If you can't do that, they yes, send home *and* terminate care. I get that infants can be demanding, but essentially what you are saying is that you can't adequately care for *all* the children in your care.
I agree!
In my opinion you need to have the child be your shadow and do a better job of supervising... Not being mean- just being honest. If you can't fully supervise the children your watching then you have too many. Things happen in a second- I think we all understand this but to have 90 min of it and you have only seen it a hand full of times in that period- that concerns me.
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:59 AM
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The agresor needs to be supervised 100% meaning hes by your side at all times and he needs to fe busy
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Old 10-08-2013, 07:01 AM
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I agree!
In my opinion you need to have the child be your shadow and do a better job of supervising... Not being mean- just being honest. If you can't fully supervise the children your watching then you have too many. Things happen in a second- I think we all understand this but to have 90 min of it and you have only seen it a hand full of times in that period- that concerns me.
I just posted that I caught one of the so called pushes and there was no contact. It seems that it is false accusations and that is why I've only seen it happen a few times and it was minor touches that were said to be hits.
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  #14  
Old 10-08-2013, 07:02 AM
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Just caught victim lying. Now I don't know how many of the accusations are real. Ugh! I've witnessed aggressor being to physical but it doesn't seem bad, but now I know victim is making some false accusations.
This happens with kids, too. Keep the kids where you can supervise 100% until the behavior improves. I have a 4 yo that LOVES to lie to get his little brother in trouble. I don't believe it until I SEE it.
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Old 10-08-2013, 07:06 AM
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I just posted that I caught one of the so called pushes and there was no contact. It seems that it is false accusations and that is why I've only seen it happen a few times and it was minor touches that were said to be hits.
I still stand by what I said- very well may be victim is lying. If they are always in your site line you will know. I would find it odd for a kid to go from no issues to frequent aggression. Maybe a little of both?
Good luck
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Old 10-08-2013, 07:39 AM
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The "victim" needs to be given the words to deal with this himself as well.

First question when tattler comes over is "Did you talk to HIM about it?"

When the babies are napping, have a little pow-wow with the older 2. Help them learn the words "Stop! I don't like that". Put it back on them to solve the problem, with your support and encouragement.

Now, obviously if one is on top of the other pounding away, you need to stop them. It doesn't sound like anyone is really being hurt, though. It sounds like maybe the "aggressor" did hurt the other one a little once or twice, and then the "victim" got attention for it, and now you have a new dynamic.

I put aggressor and victim in quotes because I am hesitant to use labels, but since we don't have names here, I did for clarification.
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  #17  
Old 10-08-2013, 08:09 AM
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Sorry you are dealing with this.... I know what you mean about the one getting hit being a bit sensitive... I have a little DCK like that too. Someone will squeeze by and that automatically warrants a tattling about how someone pushed...

Sometimes it's for attention and other times, it is simply an overload of being schooled on how to speak up or tell when you feel others hurt you..kwim?

Either way, I would most definitely separate the two as much as possible... make sure you let BOTH mom's know what's going on.

Both Leigh and Heidi gave some great advice! Hang in there!
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  #18  
Old 10-08-2013, 08:38 AM
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I had a girl years ago who was a little, doe-eyed doll. I also had a big, burly girl a month or two older. They were both about 18 months.

There was constant "ehhhhhh" whenever the bigger girl got too close to the little one. She'd claim (no speech yet, but she'd cry and look accusing) that brute was picking on her poor little self.

I decided to take a step back and just observe what was going on. I realized very quickly that the "little doll" was actually the instigator. She would purposely go to the bigger child's space and body check her FIRST. Then, the bigger girl would retaliate.

After this, I gave them a little room to work it out, and when the little one would give me that doe-eyed "she hurt me", I'd tell her "Tell her you don't like it then", and keep my tone benign.

Guess what? A week later, it all magically stopped. No one was getting attention for it.

OBVIOUSLY, we can't let anyone really hurt other children. But, I think sometimes they do need to figure it out a little bit...with help.

Little doll left my program, but would visit periodically. She's the same child who taught HERSELF to read before her 3rd birthday.
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  #19  
Old 10-08-2013, 09:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Familycare71 View Post
I still stand by what I said- very well may be victim is lying. If they are always in your site line you will know. I would find it odd for a kid to go from no issues to frequent aggression. Maybe a little of both?
Good luck


Heidi had some awesome ideas, but if the OP isn't supervising the children in her care, she won't know what she should be implementing. I have a very smart 3 yo DCG in my care, and she has told her Dad at pick up that another child pushed her or hit her. Because I supervise the kids very closely, I knew that didn't happen and was able to reassure Dad. Because we know DCG "embellishes" we are working with her on this. You need to be able to see what's going on to effectively come up with solutions.
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  #20  
Old 10-08-2013, 09:44 AM
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I get that infants can be demanding, but essentially what you are saying is that you can't adequately care for *all* the children in your care.
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  #21  
Old 10-08-2013, 11:13 AM
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As a short term measure I would sit both them at the table with a quiet individual activity saying nothing or "it sounds like you two really want to play by yourselves right now"

As a long term measure I would keep both in my sight at all times unless there is actual harm to the "victim" I would help them work through it themselves, using words, going somewhere else if they don't want to be near the other, etc.
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Old 10-08-2013, 11:16 AM
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Why would you let that go on for 90 minutes.?

Is this even a real question or a troll?
was wondering the same thing-
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  #23  
Old 10-08-2013, 02:23 PM
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I am not a troll. The assaults are very mild.

Sorry for not being more clear on the severity. I just quickly typed the original post to get opinions while I had a minute.
You used the word "assault". That conjures up different images.
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  #24  
Old 10-08-2013, 02:34 PM
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Quote:
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You used the word "assault". That conjures up different images.
It sure did for me!!!
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  #25  
Old 10-08-2013, 02:39 PM
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It sure did for me!!!
me too, because I know that at that age kids can really hit.
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