Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:11 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default How To Respond To This Parent's Complaint

My little guy has been sick with croup since Monday so I've been splitting my time between looking after him upstairs and helping my assistant with dck's downstairs. It's been a pretty stressful week for my assistant so I've been finding an extra assistant to come in and sub for the busy times of day. Today, my assistant recommended a guy friend of hers that she works with. Both myself and my assistant are present in the house at all times! Dcm arrives at 10.30 to remove her daughter from care and then sends this email:

"I wanted to take a quick moment and just let you know my thoughts on today's substitute situation. Unfortunately, I felt/feel very uncomfortable leaving DCG with someone who we do not know anything about--even if that person is a third person stand-in working alongside you and Assistant. Having more of his background information (maybe in an early morning email) would have helped my fears-is he CPR certified, who are his references(for your consideration is fine), does he have a resume to share, where do he and Assistant work together? Even though I wish I didn't, I feel even more uncomfortable with a male substitute caretaker who we do not know. I would have spoken with you about this, but there's not exactly a time/place for private parent-teacher conferences, so I thought I would address here as soon as possible.

We didn't know what to do this morning when we got this news as it was very disconcerting, but I was totally unprepared to work from home so I had to rush downtown at 8:30 to gather my office things."

It goes on longer but you get the idea!

I'm so frustrated! I could have just closed for the day and left all my parents in the lurch. Or I could have my assistant work alone as I'm within my ratio to do so but I wanted her to have help and wanted the kids to be well cared for. This comes at extra expense that I don't need to spend so when a parent complains its hard to take.
I understand her fears but she dropped her child off to me, not a complete stranger and my assistant has been with me longer than her child has!
I needed to vent here before responding as I don't want to reply with something rash.
This family are always the first to question and complian about everything and I'm annoyed that they don't trust me to make good decisions regarding the care of their child.
Vent over! Thanks for listening
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:25 PM
CedarCreek's Avatar
CedarCreek CedarCreek is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,529
Default

Oh goodness. I'd reply something like: Please be assured that I have checked all of the new assistants references and certifications as I do all assistants. I am very sorry that you do not feel comfortable leaving dcg in care due to his gender. If you would like, I can let you know the dates that he will be working in advance so that you can keep dcg home that day.

Are you planning on using him in the future or just this one time? That also is a factor in how you word it. If you plan on using him in the future, be prepared to lose this dcg either by her leaving or you terming.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:26 PM
SSWonders's Avatar
SSWonders SSWonders is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 289
Default

Was the third person licensed or approved by your licensing agency?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:27 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,627
Default

The not trusting you would be my sticking point too.

Maybe you could just be super short and to the point and just say that although you understand her fears, you are MORE than capable of making business decisions in the best interest of the group and that if she has any personal issues against your choice of assistants, that the only thing you can offer her is a head's up when the assistant will be present and SHE can choose to stay home with child or bring child but the rate will remain the same.

I would also maybe add that while being a male in the early childhood field is not as common as females, you refuse to put that stereotypical thought process into a child's mind and are sad that you actually have to address it at all.

I'd be really upset if I were you at the lack of trust. For me personally that trust is so important in the provider-parent relationship.

I'm sorry this family is giving you such a hard time. Especially when you didn't have to go this far above and beyond.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:28 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

He was originally just a sub for today but he was great and lives locally so I will likely use him again in the future.

He isn't CPR certified but doesn't need to be as both myself and my assistant are. We only need to have one certified staff member present. But to be honest I don't think that is what she was really worried about!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:34 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

I don't need to clear 'emergency subs' with licensing as long as they are never left alone with the children. And I can never get hold of licensing anyway so if I waited for their approval I would probably have to close for the day.

Black cat - you're right about the trust issue. It's been a sticking point since day one with them as they are extremely over protective. They question everything from what materials my mattresses are made out of to the type of paint on my walls!
They also supplied me with a lifetime supply of shoe covers so their child doesn't ever have to risk coming into contact with debris from outside. Even though I'm a no shoes household!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:37 PM
TwinKristi's Avatar
TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
Family Childcare Provider
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,386
Default

Wow, I have to say I would probably be hurt and offended too! To even think that you would just find some "guy off the streets" or something to come babysit! LOL I'm assuming he IS CPR certified and has all his clearances to work with children and you did the back work on him? Maybe just assuring her that you would never jeapordize not only her child, but he other X children in your care and your entire business by hiring someone unfit to assist you while you cared for your own sick child because after all you are a mom first and foremost. If this is a one-time thing that you don't typically do except a dire emergency then I would also make that clear. And I would probably throw in there the alternative would be closing for the day which would be the least cost effective choice for you and them. Some people are really weird about guys caring for kids, but other people don't seem to care at all about who cares for their kid. I have a client who has asked if my teenage sons could watch her son when I was sick. She had no problem at all with my dh watching her kids either. Other clients I've had would have a serious issue with my dh or teens simply because they're male. When I worked in a gym daycare there was a couple guys but they usually took older kids (5-12) to the other area we had with video games, basketball hoops, stationary bikes, foosball, etc. and not with the infants.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:38 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
although you understand her fears, you are MORE than capable of making business decisions in the best interest of the group and that if she has any personal issues against your choice of assistants, that the only thing you can offer her is a head's up when the assistant will be present and SHE can choose to stay home with child or bring child but the rate will remain the same.

I would also maybe add that while being a male in the early childhood field is not as common as females, you refuse to put that stereotypical thought process into a child's mind and are sad that you actually have to address it at all. ".

I like this thought process and think I will say something along these lines. Thank you everyone for your support as always!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:40 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,627
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepping View Post
I don't need to clear 'emergency subs' with licensing as long as they are never left alone with the children. And I can never get hold of licensing anyway so if I waited for their approval I would probably have to close for the day.

Black cat - you're right about the trust issue. It's been a sticking point since day one with them as they are extremely over protective. They question everything from what materials my mattresses are made out of to the type of paint on my walls!
They also supplied me with a lifetime supply of shoe covers so their child doesn't ever have to risk coming into contact with debris from outside. Even though I'm a no shoes household!
Um, I don't even know what to say in response to that...

Maybe you are better off without this family... Why in the world would they put their child in group care and then be that "weird" about it?

Sounds like they need to have a nanny so they can control every aspect of their DD's life. Including debris from the outside.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:48 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

And there was also the time when they asked me where I source my tuna from. When I replied 'trader joes' they asked 'no, which ocean was this tuna sourced from?'
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:55 PM
sharlan's Avatar
sharlan sharlan is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chino, California
Posts: 5,721
Default

Sounds like a "unique" family.

I honestly wouldn't have been offended at the question. I may have been hurt at the lack of trust as others have said. But, I would rather the parent come to me right away with any questions than to let it simmer and blow out of proportion.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-05-2013, 12:56 PM
melilley's Avatar
melilley melilley is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,018
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepping View Post
And there was also the time when they asked me where I source my tuna from. When I replied 'trader joes' they asked 'no, which ocean was this tuna sourced from?'
Wow, and wow to the shoe covers...in a no shoe house!

I agree with bc, you are probably better off without this family. If they don't trust your judgement of the people that you have substitute for you then they shouldn't have their child in your care.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-05-2013, 01:00 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
Sounds like a "unique" family.

I honestly wouldn't have been offended at the question. I may have been hurt at the lack of trust as others have said. But, I would rather the parent come to me right away with any questions than to let it simmer and blow out of proportion.
To be honest, I'm not offended at the question. They have a right to ask about who is caring for their child. I'm offended that they felt my judgement was so poor they had to rush out of work and pick their child up, despite the fact that the emergency sub was working alongside a trusted assistant.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-05-2013, 03:29 PM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 8,804
Default

Wow. I admit with my first child I was overprotective but never to that extreme? Which ocean did the tuna come from? Shoe covers? I have to feel sorry for her child.
And I would've felt very angry getting an email like that. It all but says she's worried because the assistant is male. Isn't that discriminatory?
I'd be looking to replace that dcf.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-05-2013, 03:33 PM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,197
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepping View Post
To be honest, I'm not offended at the question. They have a right to ask about who is caring for their child. I'm offended that they felt my judgement was so poor they had to rush out of work and pick their child up, despite the fact that the emergency sub was working alongside a trusted assistant.
I completely agree with you. I would possibly term over the lack of trust.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-05-2013, 03:55 PM
blandino's Avatar
blandino blandino is offline
Daycare.com member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tulsa area
Posts: 1,508
Default

I understand that parents choose a home daycare for the more intimate atmosphere. However, I always compare situations like this to a center to see if I am being unreasonable. In a center it would happen frequently that a different teacher would have access and probably be responsible for their children if they were needing extra support in a different room. It wouldn't even be a rare occurrence.

Aside from the obvious lack of trust. I think the act of rushing to come get her is complete overkill, and ridiculous. If the mom had concerns she could have discussed them at pick up or called you during the day. Rushing to come get her implies that she was so concerned for her safety that she felt that she needed to be removed from the situation immediately, which is ABSURD.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-05-2013, 04:12 PM
craftymissbeth's Avatar
craftymissbeth craftymissbeth is offline
Legally Unlicensed
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,367
Default

How would I respond to this complaint? With a big fat term notice.

Based on what you've said group care just isn't for her family. And that ok. What's not ok is treating you as if you are untrustworthy... so untrustworthy that both you and your regular assistant would allow the new sub to go off privately with their child to potentially harm them. And that's basically what she's saying... that regardless of whether you and the other assistant are there she fears this new man will do harm to her child - and you would let him.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-05-2013, 04:21 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Dear DCM,

I received your email regarding your concerns for your child being in my care with a male assistant after you came and retrieved your child extremely early today. In my honest opinion, I feel that you have some trust issues with my judgment and other things that I have let go. For these reasons, I do not feel that you trust ME to make wise decisions for the children in my care. This is hurtful and offensive but moreover, if you do not trust me,so much so that you had to rush and grab your child and write me a long email on the subject, then it seems as if our child care is no longer the proper fit for your family. This letter will serve as my two-week notice. Keep in mind, you may bring your child or not, however no refunds are given if you do choose to leave care prior to the end of your notice period. I do hope you can find a provider you can trust and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

You
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-05-2013, 04:23 PM
Scout's Avatar
Scout Scout is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,740
Default

People can flame me if they want but, as a parent I can understand her concerns. Not having knowledge of his backgroundcould make the unease worse. I id not read through all of it but, were they aware that you would have an assistant that they may not know when they signed a contract? I tell all my interviews when, rarely I am out for a whike my dh or mil will be filling in. If they didnt know this l, I agree aith her. If they did know this, then she is being ridiculous and has no grounds to complain. Sorry you are dealing woth this and I hope you did not take it the wrong way. I am not intending to insult.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 12-05-2013, 04:36 PM
itlw8's Avatar
itlw8 itlw8 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,199
Default

where does he wear these shoe covers??? outdoors???
__________________
It will wait
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 12-05-2013, 05:01 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scout View Post
People can flame me if they want but, as a parent I can understand her concerns. Not having knowledge of his backgroundcould make the unease worse. I id not read through all of it but, were they aware that you would have an assistant that they may not know when they signed a contract? I tell all my interviews when, rarely I am out for a whike my dh or mil will be filling in. If they didnt know this l, I agree aith her. If they did know this, then she is being ridiculous and has no grounds to complain. Sorry you are dealing woth this and I hope you did not take it the wrong way. I am not intending to insult.
Yes, it states in my policies that if my child is sick I will find a substitute to avoid closing for the day. Unfortunately, I don't have family nearby to help in these situations. I didn't need to find a sub today but did anyway because I thought it was the best thing for all the children. Two sets of eyes are better than one. I also had a sub in yesterday, who she didn't know, but that was ok because that sub was female. Her concerns are based on the fact that he was male and that's discrimination.

And don't worry I'm not insulted, I value all opinions, even those different to my own.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-05-2013, 05:15 PM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is online now
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,146
Default

This would have been my response:

Dear DCM,

I appreciate you taking the time to communicate your concerns with me and I would like to respond. I must say that since you are being honest with me I can only do the same. I have to admit that I had hoped that by now I had proven to you that I make good business decision in regards to the daycare and the children. In these many months that you have been a client I have grown to know you and your family and especially your child. I have gladly made accommodations for your family that are not by any means standard in child care and I have been forthcoming to any questions that you may have that are atypical in the realm of daycare. I know that entrusting your child in the hands of another person is very difficult for any parent however I must admit that your fears go above those of the typical array of "first time" fears and I have always been more than willing to work with your family in an attempt to ease your fears.

After today however I must come to the realization that I will probably not ever be able to accomplish that you trust me fully with your child and in the decisions that I make. That thought to me is disappointing considering that the main goal in my business is to create a partnership based on mutual respect and trust. I would like to set aside some time to meet with you in person so that we can discuss whether our arrangement can continue with only half of that being met.

As far as the new male assistant goes I must ask you, would it had made a difference if my choice in assistant had been a woman? I only ask because he came highly recommended and after only working with him for one day I found that his work ethic and mannerism with the children was wonderful and I will more than likely be using him again. It is unfortunate that you feel uncomfortable with the choice that I made or I can least hope that I am misunderstanding (which can happen in written communication) and perhaps you are only concerned because the idea of adding another employee was not discussed with you. If that is the case then I must admit that the thought had never occurred to me as I do not make it a habit to discuss business decisions with my clients including the hiring of new staff.

I was actually very pleased with the male assistant and grateful to have him here as he can add extra benefits that I and [other assistants] cannot provide to the children during daycare hours, such as a positive male role model. I understand that a male assistant in the daycare may be an interesting thought to your family however with more and more males entering the child care field I jumped at the opportunity to add this extra facet to the daycare, especially with someone of his caliber. I hope that I can at least put some of your fears to rest by saying that the male assistant will not be handling any diaper changes and will always be working alongside myself or [1st assistant]. I will be more than happy to share more information about him with you, the only reason why I had not done so with any of the families was because I was searching for a possible candidate for an assistant and if I did not like any of the candidates there would nothing to tell.

Again, I hope that we can set aside some time to meet in private to discuss your questions and concerns and to decide how to go forward.

DC PROVIDER


I would then go into the meeting with an open mind but also with a two-week written notice at the ready. If I found that the client would not be comfortable with the decisions that I make then it would be in both our interests to go our separate ways. Sometimes these types of parents just need a little bit of extra "petting" to ease their fears and other times they are simply exhausting and impossible to work with.

I know that I would love to have a male assistant, there are too many benefits to list especially if you work with single parent clients.

http://www.spacesforchildren.com/men.html - Scroll down to Gender is Culture

http://www.examiner.com/article/gend...-last-frontier
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-05-2013, 05:24 PM
Scout's Avatar
Scout Scout is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,740
Default

The shoe coversThis will probably be the only time I will hear this one! Let us know what you decide to do...I would not want this parent to be in my home as I would feel constantly as if I were being judged on my home. I just read the whole thread but, I still stand by my original post, however, if she did not have a problem with yesturday's sub then she has no ground to stand on!
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-05-2013, 05:39 PM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is online now
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,146
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scout View Post
The shoe coversThis will probably be the only time I will hear this one! Let us know what you decide to do...I would not want this parent to be in my home as I would feel constantly as if I were being judged on my home. I just read the whole thread but, I still stand by my original post, however, if she did not have a problem with yesturday's sub then she has no ground to stand on!
My thoughts exactly.

Sometimes though all it takes is setting boundaries. Once those are set then clients are less likely to ask/complain about other weird/strange/obsessive things.
Sort of like ... I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is how it's going to be. I understand if you need to find alternative child care arrangements. They usually choose to stay anyway ... usually.
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 12-05-2013, 05:39 PM
Cradle2crayons's Avatar
Cradle2crayons Cradle2crayons is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Deep in the woods....
Posts: 3,634
Default

I totally get if the op had been off site and the male was alone with the kids and the parents hadn't been notified. But that wasn't the case.

I'd likely be prepared to term that family just for the simple fact they don't seem to trust you.

As a provider I commend you for putting he needs of your daycare children first and that shows because you had and paid for not one, but TWO assistance, even though you didn't have to. Kudos to you!!

My husband is my assistant and has occasionally been left alone with a few of the kids. But that's explained to parents from day one. None of my five daycare kids have a father or male role model in the picture and it DEFINATELY gives them that role model when he is here.

Op, you have to do what works best for you. But certainly you don't have to deal with that level of disrespect from this family.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 12-05-2013, 07:47 PM
Hunni Bee's Avatar
Hunni Bee Hunni Bee is online now
Unauthorized Insect :P
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the Rainbow...
Posts: 2,176
Default

If she was THAT uncomfortable, why did she leave the child??

That's what speaks volumes to me. And takes away all her credibility.

If you truly are worried and cannot stand the thought of your child in the care of a person, you don't leave them there at all. You don't work half or most of the day and then "rush" to get your special snowflake. Have several seats.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 12-05-2013, 07:55 PM
Angelsj's Avatar
Angelsj Angelsj is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,323
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons View Post

My husband is my assistant and has occasionally been left alone with a few of the kids. But that's explained to parents from day one.
Mine is also my sub/assistant, has all the same certifications and CPR, etc that I have and the kids LOVE him. I taught my 12 yo dd to change diapers just in case that ever arises, but so far it has not been an issue (the babies are part time.)
It isn't always him that subs for me, but the kids love when it is, even if he won't let them play with play do in the house.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 12-05-2013, 08:15 PM
Mister Sir Husband's Avatar
Mister Sir Husband Mister Sir Husband is offline
cook, cleaner, bug killer
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 304
Default

well.. mom getting all nervous and pulling kid out because "assistant" is a guy.. at least that's one problem I won't ever have to worry about
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 12-05-2013, 08:44 PM
crazydaycarelady's Avatar
crazydaycarelady crazydaycarelady is offline
Not really crazy
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,447
Default

I really question whether I would continue care. It seems as if the family is looking for issues. I wouldn't want the stress of finding out where my tuna is sourced or whatever their current concerns are. If you can fill the spot I would. I think they have forgotten that you don't work for them, they are a client of yours!
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 12-06-2013, 04:33 AM
Shell's Avatar
Shell Shell is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,743
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady View Post
I really question whether I would continue care. It seems as if the family is looking for issues. I wouldn't want the stress of finding out where my tuna is sourced or whatever their current concerns are. If you can fill the spot I would. I think they have forgotten that you don't work for them, they are a client of yours!
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 12-06-2013, 05:00 AM
MotherNature's Avatar
MotherNature MotherNature is offline
Matilda Jane Addict
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,117
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
The not trusting you would be my sticking point too.

Maybe you could just be super short and to the point and just say that although you understand her fears, you are MORE than capable of making business decisions in the best interest of the group and that if she has any personal issues against your choice of assistants, that the only thing you can offer her is a head's up when the assistant will be present and SHE can choose to stay home with child or bring child but the rate will remain the same.

I would also maybe add that while being a male in the early childhood field is not as common as females, you refuse to put that stereotypical thought process into a child's mind and are sad that you actually have to address it at all.

I'd be really upset if I were you at the lack of trust. For me personally that trust is so important in the provider-parent relationship.

I'm sorry this family is giving you such a hard time. Especially when you didn't have to go this far above and beyond.
We need a clapping hand icon. Totally agree. I hate the gender bias as well...My husband, for instance is waaaay more patient and creative with kids than I am. When he was little he wanted to be the President so he could live in the white house because it has a gazillion bedrooms for kids. He's a fantastic dad, very involved, & he helps out a lot around here.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 12-06-2013, 06:02 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,627
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherNature View Post
We need a clapping hand icon. Totally agree. I hate the gender bias as well...My husband, for instance is waaaay more patient and creative with kids than I am. When he was little he wanted to be the President so he could live in the white house because it has a gazillion bedrooms for kids. He's a fantastic dad, very involved, & he helps out a lot around here.
This is one stereotype that really gets me hot under the collar.

I think men offer so many valuable things to early childhood. Some things women just cannot duplicate.

I used male sitters when my kids were young. I've had male assistants here in my program as well as sponsored male students as interns.

I think that the stereotype of molestation and all the other common worries about men in this field is simply ridiculous and something I am surprised hasn't changed over the years.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 12-06-2013, 06:19 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

When my son was in daycare center 4 ago they hired a male teacher for his preschool classroom. There was a big fuss over it and parents were flipping out. Half the girls in the class ended up either moving to the other preschool classroom or leaving the center. People were freaking out about this male teacher and the how he might see their daughters in the bathroom.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 12-06-2013, 06:59 AM
MCC's Avatar
MCC MCC is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 501
Default

OP- I just ran into this same situation last week. My husband and I both had to be at an appointment, and I had to hire a sub. I stressed about it for 2 weeks, b/c I didn't want to inconvenience the parents by closing, but I also didn't want to leave my assistant alone with 6 kids. So I had my cleaning lady (who is here every Wednesday morning for 5 hours cleaning) stay with her. I have a background and CPS check on her b/c she is here during care hours cleaning. I met her when she was a previous client's nanny. She almost always stops in the daycare room to play with the kids when she is here cleaning.

I sent out an email on Monday letting parents know that she would be here with the kids and with my assistant for 3 hours on Wednesday. One DCM was very upset. She ended up taking the morning off and not bringing DCB in, which negated me needing to hire the extra help. It really has been eating at my heart b/c I feel that she didn't trust my judgment. I left my own child here that morning, so I obviously felt comfortable with the situation.

I just feel that in a center, the providers are often supported by new assistants, so what is the difference really? I'm still not sure I want to keep this family here after that.

Good luck OP!
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 12-06-2013, 07:42 AM
KIDZRMYBIZ's Avatar
KIDZRMYBIZ KIDZRMYBIZ is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 669
Default

What a sad statement this thread makes. Women can work in non-traditional careers, but not men? Male assistants are held back from changing diapers? That's just so insulting it completely disgusts me. By that line of thought, women providers should not be changing any little boys' diapers either.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 12-06-2013, 07:55 AM
NeedaVaca's Avatar
NeedaVaca NeedaVaca is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 2,239
Default

Update? I'm wondering what happened!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 12-06-2013, 08:03 AM
littlemissmuffet's Avatar
littlemissmuffet littlemissmuffet is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,081
Default

I am sure the mom wouldn't have had an issue if it wasn't a man.

We are proud that my husband is my business partner and part time assistant. He makes a HUGE difference in the lives of some of my DCKs, especially the ones without dads or the ones with deadbeat dads. He runs this daycare JUST as well as I do with or without me here and I trust him 100% - it's imperative that my DCPs do as well.

It's too bad that a couple of bad seeds have created such a stigma around men in childcare. How many women do we hear of on a regular basis who beat or put DCKs in harm's way? Yet, people still overall trust a female childcare provider. It's ridiculous!
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 12-06-2013, 08:05 AM
crazydaycarelady's Avatar
crazydaycarelady crazydaycarelady is offline
Not really crazy
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,447
Default

Quote:
This is one stereotype that really gets me hot under the collar.

I think men offer so many valuable things to early childhood. Some things women just cannot duplicate.

I used male sitters when my kids were young. I've had male assistants here in my program as well as sponsored male students as interns.

I think that the stereotype of molestation and all the other common worries about men in this field is simply ridiculous and something I am surprised hasn't changed over the years.
I totally agree! My three boys are now 23, 21, and 19yo. Two of them live here but they all are fill-in subs. I would really tick me off if someone was opposed to them being here based on gender! The kids LOVE the things my boys do with them that I don't (play ball, go for lawn mower rides.)
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 12-06-2013, 08:19 AM
TwinKristi's Avatar
TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
Family Childcare Provider
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,386
Default

Have you replied OP??
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 12-06-2013, 08:35 AM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

Not yet. This DCG is not in on Fridays so I'm taking my time to respond in a considered and informed way. I'm not looking to term but I'm going to make it clear that I will not discriminate against any member of staff, that I'm saddened they trust my judgement so little they felt the need to rush out of work and that I will be using this assistant again in the future.

It's pretty hard to get care for under twos in our neighbourhood so it's unlikely they will continue to make a fuss.

I have really enjoyed reading everyone's responses and they have helped me to formulate how I want to respond. Thank you
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 12-06-2013, 12:55 PM
Stepping's Avatar
Stepping Stepping is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 218
Default

Forgot to say, thank you Marina for the links about men working in child care. I will be including those in my response.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 12-06-2013, 01:10 PM
jenn's Avatar
jenn jenn is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Kansas
Posts: 695
Default

I would just reply back to the email.

"Thank you for sharing your concerns. All people in my home are considered by me to be trustworthy and qualified and meet all legal requirements. My substitute policies will not be changing. If you would like to discuss this further, I would be happy to set up a time to do so."

Short and to the point. If they want to meet, I would have very clear plans in writing to share with them. I would give them the articles about male providers as well.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 12-06-2013, 04:15 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ View Post
What a sad statement this thread makes. Women can work in non-traditional careers, but not men? Male assistants are held back from changing diapers? That's just so insulting it completely disgusts me. By that line of thought, women providers should not be changing any little boys' diapers either.
ALL parents signed my contract stating my husband would be my #1 sub if home or my friend M would be my backup to him. I always tried to make appts where I could take the kids but sometimes JUST NOT POSSIBLE, so I always 2nd tried to do them when hubby would be home. He passed all same checks I did.

He HAS changed diapers. I usually tried to do my dr appts or dental appts during nap so he would not have to change diapers or do too much with the kids. I lost a baby (2nd trimester loss) I was carrying one day and I had to have the baby removed and I could not take the kids on. My husband (because most of the parents were REAL JERKS at that time and WOULD NOT take any time off) volunteered to step in and had to do EVERYTHING from breakfast, snacks, lunch, nap, activities AND DIAPER CHANGES that day. He did a great job and the kids LOVED him so much they couldn't stop talking about this guy (I had mostly 2-5yo girls) that was so funnnnnnn! They loved him and who cares if he's a guy. How did these women think they even HAD children? Do they not even trust their own husbands?

Only ONE parent was pretty cool about seeing my hubby change diapers at pickup. She came about an hr early and of course her dd pooped. Side note: My DCP said he did put on rubber kitchen gloves and was gagging and using all the wipes....such a wimp! But that said, he got her clean and didn't do anything unscrupulous to her.Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he is GOING to do something. In fact, gotta watch out for ladies, anymore! See all the teachers FEMALES on the news with the male kids? Gross. So I am astonished how we're allowed to stereotype a man simply because he helps take care of kids.

How offensive
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
male providers, parent - complains, substitute

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do Your Daycare Kids Act Out at Pickup? jenh171 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 53 04-05-2018 11:04 AM
SO Sick Of Inconsiderate Parents!!!! rmc20021 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 11 04-22-2013 12:28 PM
What Happens After You File A Complaint? Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 8 04-22-2013 11:51 AM
Opinions On Parents Contributions Heidi Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 42 04-17-2013 07:31 AM
Is There Anything I Can Say - or Just Keep Ignoring It DancingQueen Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 98 11-12-2010 10:57 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:52 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming