Mom is Dying..DCPs Mean

[hgonzalez]

My Mom had a stroke last weekend, and is now determined to have a poor prognosis and is in hospice. I took Monday off to deal with moving her to hospice and spend time with her. She probably has less than a week to live.

I worked both yesterday and today, and my DCP's are being so disrespectful. I asked them to please try to be on time and understand that I am going through a lot right now. I apologized for the inconvenience to them. Nothing I do is ever enough.

Today, two parents were late picking up. No-one bothered to ask me how things were going. One parent who picks up early asked if her infant got taken outside today....we usually go out after she goes home. Like that is my priority right now, to make sure a 4 month old gets some outdoor time on her limited schedule. Sheesh.

I am so sick of my DCP's being so selfish. It's not my fault they used their 4-5 weeks of vacation time for traveling and not for kids' illnesses and planning for my time off. Oh, and I have plenty of vacation time left as I have not used my measly 10 days yet. I am just completely fed up.

Originally Posted by hgonzalez

My Mom had a stroke last weekend, and is now determined to have a poor prognosis and is in hospice. I took Monday off to deal with moving her to hospice and spend time with her. She probably has less than a week to live.

I worked both yesterday and today, and my DCP's are being so disrespectful. I asked them to please try to be on time and understand that I am going through a lot right now. I apologized for the inconvenience to them. Nothing I do is ever enough.

Today, two parents were late picking up. No-one bothered to ask me how things were going. One parent who picks up early asked if her infant got taken outside today....we usually go out after she goes home. Like that is my priority right now, to make sure a 4 month old gets some outdoor time on her limited schedule. Sheesh.

I am so sick of my DCP's being so selfish. It's not my fault they used their 4-5 weeks of vacation time for traveling and not for kids' illnesses and planning for my time off. Oh, and I have plenty of vacation time left as I have not used my measly 10 days yet. I am just completely fed up.

I am so sorry! Prayers and hugs coming your way!

[Msdunny]

First of all, hugs to you for all you are going through.

My mom passed away at the first of this year, so I know how you are feeling - under-appreciated and unloved. You do what is best for you! DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for standing up to thoughtless, uncaring adults. Charge them for any late pick-ups - especially if you have given them a time to be at your home.

And again, I am so sorry you are facing this. Do what works for you - I have heard it said many times here, and I totally agree...in a few years you will not remember the child that was in your home that day, but you will remember the time you didn't have with your mother.

[boysx5]

So sorry I know what you are going through my dad passed away last dec and some parents were so rude

[Meeko]

I would have NO problem being sharp with them. When it comes to my family, "professional" takes a back seat. I would have complained to the late parents and made sure they knew I was REALLY upset.

And take as much time off as you need. Their needs come a very distant second to yours right now. Sounds like you are trying to work as much as you can. They need to be grateful for that.

[Annalee]

Originally Posted by hgonzalez

My Mom had a stroke last weekend, and is now determined to have a poor prognosis and is in hospice. I took Monday off to deal with moving her to hospice and spend time with her. She probably has less than a week to live.

I worked both yesterday and today, and my DCP's are being so disrespectful. I asked them to please try to be on time and understand that I am going through a lot right now. I apologized for the inconvenience to them. Nothing I do is ever enough.

Today, two parents were late picking up. No-one bothered to ask me how things were going. One parent who picks up early asked if her infant got taken outside today....we usually go out after she goes home. Like that is my priority right now, to make sure a 4 month old gets some outdoor time on her limited schedule. Sheesh.

I am so sick of my DCP's being so selfish. It's not my fault they used their 4-5 weeks of vacation time for traveling and not for kids' illnesses and planning for my time off. Oh, and I have plenty of vacation time left as I have not used my measly 10 days yet. I am just completely fed up.

I lost my dad 11 years ago.....stayed the entire last ten days with him in the hospital as did my other siblings and extended family members.....some dcp were sympathetic but I had two dcp at the time that "decided" to call the others to see if they were going to "pay" for this time I was off......THey thought I would not find out but I called them on it and termed.......If I had it to do all over again, I would still take the time off....It falls under my "emergency days" which are unlimited and could come WITHOUT NOTICE! Do what you feel is right for your mother....Do NOT allow dcp to make you feel guilty. Time is precious with our loved ones and it passes much too quickly!

[Maria2013]

so sorry for you

[Josiegirl]

Dcfs come and go, you've only got one mom. My heart goes out to you, this is one of the most difficult times you'll ever go through.
As for the dcps, I'd tell them you're closing early and that's that. If they don't understand term. Simple as that. I'm usually very patient when it comes to dcps being late, etc., etc., but if I was going through something like what you're going through(I have twice) I wouldn't give a damn what they said or thought, they'd be history.

Originally Posted by hgonzalez

My Mom had a stroke last weekend, and is now determined to have a poor prognosis and is in hospice. I took Monday off to deal with moving her to hospice and spend time with her. She probably has less than a week to live.

I worked both yesterday and today, and my DCP's are being so disrespectful. I asked them to please try to be on time and understand that I am going through a lot right now. I apologized for the inconvenience to them. Nothing I do is ever enough.

Today, two parents were late picking up. No-one bothered to ask me how things were going. One parent who picks up early asked if her infant got taken outside today....we usually go out after she goes home. Like that is my priority right now, to make sure a 4 month old gets some outdoor time on her limited schedule. Sheesh.

I am so sick of my DCP's being so selfish. It's not my fault they used their 4-5 weeks of vacation time for traveling and not for kids' illnesses and planning for my time off. Oh, and I have plenty of vacation time left as I have not used my measly 10 days yet. I am just completely fed up.

I would take the rest of the week off and go be with your mom. Tell them that you're sorry, but you SIMPLY CANNOT DO IT and you'll take this time off as part of your 10 days. Let them know that your mother is dying and that this is very serious, and remind them that the reason you have chosen to take off is 2 fold. #1 the situation in it of itself and #2 that you have tried to work through it but it's too stressful, especially since they have not been respectful of the fact that you have a horrible situation to deal with AND have not followed your policies on being on time. Let them know that once they return, you'll be going over policies and procedures again and they'll be signing an agreement stating that they have read/understood/accepted them as of (what ever date) and that's that. No more games.

I am VERY VERY sorry you are going through this. (((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))

[hope]

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. You and your family will be in my prayers.
If you have 10 days vacation left please use them. Maybe you can type up am email to dcps explaining that you need this time to spend with your mom in her last days. What really matters? Spend some time at hospice and put your mother and yourself first.

[Michael]

Sorry to hear about your mom. My dad had a stroke which paralyzed his left side. After care and eating well, he made a full recovery. Don't give up hope.

Your DC parents are another matter. I would seriously consider moving them out when you get other offers.

[Lorri]

Hugs, so sorry you are going threw this. When my dad was in the hospital and dying,my first priority was him and my family. I was lucky my parents were excellent. They help me out in so many ways, I couldn't of gotten threw it without them. Put you family first.

[e.j.]

I'm sorry to hear of your mother's prognosis and the lack of compassion your dc parents are showing you. If it were me, I'd start taking those 10 vacation days so I could spend what time there is left with her or at least threaten to if parents continue to show up late for pick ups.

[Soccermom]

I am so sorry for you

I lost my father to cancer 10 years ago. He was diagnosed and gone within 8 weeks. It was tough and I took 6 weeks off work to deal with it. (I wasn't working in daycare at the time so I could)

You need to focus on you and your mom right now. Don't let them make you feel guilty for closing for a few days to deal with a family emergency.

Most DCPS have no compassion for us or our families at all. Over the years, I have maybe had 1 or 2 DCFS who actually cared and were sympathetic to what was going on with my own family.

Take the time you need and don't give it a second thought.

[Luna]

Don't miss another moment with your Mom. Those families will find a way to get by, but you cannot get that time back with your Mom. I'm so sorry.

Honestly, if a home care provider were caring for my child, I would embrace her like an extended family member. What you are dealing with now is tough, and I am sending you hugs. I thought parents used a home provider to get a small, intimate environment . That works both ways, the parents should be prepared for and help out when something happens and the provider needs off. Otherwise, they may as well be at a center. We all know that if something happens in a day care family , the home providers are quick to offer a hand. Maybe some parents don't see it that way.

[Scout]

Wishing you peace to deal with all this!

[hgonzalez]

Thanks for all of your support. I was with my Mom last night and was up most of the night. I decided to take a day off to get myself pulled together.

I sent a text message last night saying all parents should check their text messages in the morning for an update. All but one family responded. I texted this morning and they did not respond again. So rude.

There is no hope for my Mom, she is 89 and stopped eating last week, then had a major stroke. She is in hospice care and dying. It is just lasting longer than we had hoped for her. The hardest part is that she is awake and looking at us and getting teary. Really hard to watch.

It's really difficult to work with young children when this is going on. I don't expect them to understand, but they also seem to act up even more when I am run down. I do expect adults to understand, and if anyone doesn't, they can leave my daycare. I am that fed up.

[JoseyJo]

Prayers for you and your family

[AfterSchoolMom]

So sorry to hear this.

[melilley]

So sorry

I'm also sorry that they are treating you like this, it's so sad that people can't be sympathetic, especially people (dcp's) who you give care to their little loved ones every day. So sad for them to be like that.

I lost my dad 11 yrs. ago and was with him in hospice when he passed. I worked at a center at the time and my mom called my director and she knew what was going on and all she could say was "what's the problem". People are so rude. Please take any time you need, you'll regret it if you don't.

[Meeko]

Sounds like you have some real sub human daycare families

Time to clean house when you are able.

Until then, much love to you as you go through this time. Try to focus on YOUR needs and on your sweet mom.

[Crazy8]

so sorry about your mom.

I have seen more and more how SELFISH people are. Everything is about them and if its not about them it just doesn't matter. Please take the vacation time you are due and spend time with your mom and do not worry about these families.

[Blackcat31]

Sending prayers.

[cheerfuldom]

Close now! Spend all this time with your mom while you can. Screw all this daycare stuff.....you do what is important to YOU!

how rude of all these parents. If my providers mom was doing so poorly, I would keep my kids home or send them elsewhere. Really, where is their compassion? Shame on them!

I am sorry you are going thru this! **hugs and prayers**

[Michelle]

some of these families remind me of families I have had in the past.
they would have emergencies with their families and I would be the first one to volunteer to keep the kids longer, be their "middle of the night-going into labor hero " anytime I can help someone in need I would do it.. until they do this to me.
I would definitely take your 10 days off effective immediately and let them try to find good care during this time of year.

big hugs to you and your mom

[momofsix]

Prayers and hugs for you and your family.

[Moppetland]

Christmas is next week. I'm quite sure that most of the parents will be off for the holidays. I don't know what schedule you gave them for that, but I will start it now and go through the holidays. I wish you and your family well during this time, and a prayer for you and your mother. God bless.

[mema]

Sending prayers and hugs your way. Sorry you are having to deal with rude dcp's. I would probably just close and spend the time with mom. Don't worry about them (I know, easier said than done). If it was reversed, they would do what they needed to do also. Be with your family until you feel ready to come back.

[kimsdaycare]

So sorry!

I have now made the mistake of choosing other families needs/wants over my own twice...yes twice!

My mother was in hospice for several weeks with cancer. My entire family surrounded her each and every day and night, except me. I needed to work and felt guilty even considering taking a day off at the time. Well I decided to use one sick day and took the night shift with her the evening before. She passed that evening. It was as if she had waiting for me to finally get some time with her before she left us. I so wish I had spent more time with her. Earlier in the week she could still speak, but because I had waited until I felt it was bad enough to justify the day off I had missed that opportunity. I regret that each and every day

Then, several years later when my father passed unexpectedly I literally worked the morning of his funeral to accomodate a favorite family's request for a partial day of care because they were really in a bind. They picked up late, I was then late to his funeral Years later I am still close to this family and I doubt they even remember I did this for them. On the other hand, my entire family remembers ONLY this fact from that time.

DCP's may be upset at first, but they WILL forget, I can promise you that. Our own families are a lifelong relationship, daycare families are temporary.

This is the most important moment in time you will ever have again with your mother. Please, please take this time to be with your family and don't even give it a second thought. Your mother needs to be your priority and you should make every attempt to do that for her. Families that do not understand that, do not deserve the sacrifice you would be making for them...ever.

[sharlan]

In this case, your emotional needs have to come before your daycare families. Do not make their problems become yours. If you haven't already, close shop and head to the hospice.

My thoughts and prayers for you.

[itlw8]

I agree take what you need. Mother had hospice care sis was able to fly in and out for one day so I took it off. It was the last day we could all spend together. And a bonus Mother was able to talk a tiny bit that day. I only closed that day but spend evening with her. Sis took off work. infact they insisted. I was there that last day and glad I was.

[daycarediva]

CLOSE. I would send an email stating the situation and that you are closing, and using your 10 days to care for your mother. Period. Dcps will ALWAYS do what is in their best interest and rarely consider you/your needs.

I am so sorry for your situation ((((HUGS)))

[Josiegirl]

Still thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort. I know your heart must be breaking watching your mom like this. Give her as many hugs as you can and tell her you love her.

Kimsdaycare, your story makes me so sad.

[dalman]

My heart goes out to you. You are a wonderful person. Compassionate and caring, but this time, to a fault. Put you and your family first. As the others have said before me, CLOSE EFFECTIVE NOW! Do it now, so you have no regrets later. Spend as much time with your loved one now because you can never get that time back. You can always, yes always, get new dcf later. Financially, it will all work out. Don't worry about it. Send them all a text tonight and close up shop. Take your vacation time so they have to pay you for it. Hugs.

[MissKrys]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I thought parents used a home provider to get a small, intimate environment . That works both ways, the parents should be prepared for and help out when something happens and the provider needs off. Otherwise, they may as well be at a center.

This is how I feel as well. It's a double edged sword and parents should know the pros and cons of center vs. home care. So sorry that you have dcps that aren't understanding. It's just adding more stress to an already heartbreaking situation. I would send a text or email about taking your deserved time off, and if there are families that won't return, then best of luck to them finding other care. Being the holidays, it shouldn't be too difficult for them to take time off or find a family member or friend that could help them out. Hope you can spend as much time with your mom as possible.

[momofboys]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I lost my dad 3 years ago sort of unexpectedly although he was in a nursing home & had Alzheimers so we knew he would die from it at some point. He passed on a Friday & I took the next M-Wed off. None of my DCP gave me any problems about it & one even brough us a meal. If they had I would have termed them. I am sorry about your mom & I am sending prayers of peace for you & her!

[kitykids3]

CLOSE! They don't care about your circumstances so really, just to be blunt, why care about theirs right now. You are going thru a horrible thing right now, you have the 10 days, take them off and spend time with your mom. You won't ever be able to get that back. So sorry for what you are going through right now.

[saved4always]

So sorry you are going through this right now. I'll be praying for you and your family. Try to focus on what is important right now, your mom, and try to ignore the selfishness of your dcp's. Some people just cannot, or refuse to, look beyond themselves. I would take that vacation time right now and be with your mom and take care of yourself.

Originally Posted by Meeko

Sounds like you have some real sub human daycare families

Time to clean house when you are able.

Until then, much love to you as you go through this time. Try to focus on YOUR needs and on your sweet mom.

This is so true sometimes. I had a parent tell me one day, "i don't care". I care about and love there child and then they said that. It was like oh you .........., if I was not depending on some sort of livelihood and ability to pay my bills you would be gone.

When I get a chance I am out of this profession. My reason is the parents. Fifty percent of them are ok. The other 50 percent don't last here. Some think money solves every problem. If I pay her for being late then it is ok just to not call and tell me. It is ok to show up whenever. It is ok to send your kid here with crap and I have to fend off others so your child can eat whatever crap you sent with her. It is ok to send a damn cup to spill all over. No respect for your space. No respect at all. The generation and personalities of some of these people are just s$%^. It is ok to come too early and talk to me about yourself and then show up at pick up defragmenting from your work day. Get the .....out of my house.

Originally Posted by hgonzalez

My Mom had a stroke last weekend, and is now determined to have a poor prognosis and is in hospice. I took Monday off to deal with moving her to hospice and spend time with her. She probably has less than a week to live.

I worked both yesterday and today, and my DCP's are being so disrespectful. I asked them to please try to be on time and understand that I am going through a lot right now. I apologized for the inconvenience to them. Nothing I do is ever enough.

Today, two parents were late picking up. No-one bothered to ask me how things were going. One parent who picks up early asked if her infant got taken outside today....we usually go out after she goes home. Like that is my priority right now, to make sure a 4 month old gets some outdoor time on her limited schedule. Sheesh.

I am so sick of my DCP's being so selfish. It's not my fault they used their 4-5 weeks of vacation time for traveling and not for kids' illnesses and planning for my time off. Oh, and I have plenty of vacation time left as I have not used my measly 10 days yet. I am just completely fed up.

Ok seriously, I don't know were you are at. but it is too cold right now for infants to be outside. Really? C'mon.

[kitykids3]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Ok seriously, I don't know were you are at. but it is too cold right now for infants to be outside. Really? C'mon.

parents sometimes

[wabbittrouble]

I had the same issue when my dad was dying - take the time off and be with your mother as much as you can. I feel terrible that I didn't take more time off but I was afraid I would lose clients. I can tell you now that I wish I could go back and do it over again and spend every minute I could with my dad. You'll never be sorry - daycare is just a job after all.

so sorry about everything that's going on.

To play devil's advocate a little- maybe the parents just don't know what to say and feel really uncomfortable. I'm one of those people- I just don't do well with emotions and am generally a very closed person. Some might take it as rude, but I really don't mean to be. When my own father in law's mother died I had to be pushed to call him because I just didn't know what to say. My little brother died unexpectedly two years ago and I had no idea what to say back when people gave their condolences. I said "thanks" but then just stood there. Do I hug them, keep talking, what? I will send cards and gifts and stuff but just really stink at the in-person stuff.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

so sorry about everything that's going on.

To play devil's advocate a little- maybe the parents just don't know what to say and feel really uncomfortable. I'm one of those people- I just don't do well with emotions and am generally a very closed person. Some might take it as rude, but I really don't mean to be. When my own father in law's mother died I had to be pushed to call him because I just didn't know what to say. My little brother died unexpectedly two years ago and I had no idea what to say back when people gave their condolences. I said "thanks" but then just stood there. Do I hug them, keep talking, what? I will send cards and gifts and stuff but just really stink at the in-person stuff.

I was like this a little before I started daycare. Now I am exactly like this. I don't know how to interact with adults now.

Op- I am so sorry!