Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Terminating My Biter Family Today
mrsp'slilpeeps 09:18 AM 01-06-2014
Last Friday I was upfront with the mom of the bite victim and said that I was worried she was gonna pull her daughter.

She was honest and said that her and her husband discussed that possibility. They don't want to, but they are tired of DCG getting bit.

I totally agree, and told her that I will be terminating care for the other family tonight.

The biter family's behavior this morning has been horrible, which confirms that I need to do this, but im still nervous.

I don't see the behavior getting better, and I cant trust that no one will get bit again.

Please give me strength, and tell me im making the right decision.
Reply
LaLa1923 09:26 AM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by mrsp'slilpeeps:
Last Friday I was upfront with the mom of the bite victim and said that I was worried she was gonna pull her daughter.

She was honest and said that her and her husband discussed that possibility. They don't want to, but they are tired of DCG getting bit.

I totally agree, and told her that I will be terminating care for the other family tonight.

The biter family's behavior this morning has been horrible, which confirms that I need to do this, but im still nervous.

I don't see the behavior getting better, and I cant trust that no one will get bit again.

Please give me strength, and tell me im making the right decision.


You ARE doing the right thing!!

Do what you need to do!!
Reply
Blackcat31 09:29 AM 01-06-2014
It's hard not to feel bad but you have to do whatever you have to in order to keep the kids safe and terming a biter is just one of those uncomfortable sticky situations that makes this job tough.

It's okay to feel bad. You can sympathize with BOTH families for different reasons.

You ARE doing the right thing.

Biting is a tough thing to deal with in group care and sometimes the family of the biter has to deal with the fall out even though they really have no control over their child's behavior.

You can't risk losing another family just to keep the biter family happy...kwim?

Hugs for dealing....it IS hard.

It'll be okay though.
Reply
DaycareMom 09:53 AM 01-06-2014
You are doing the right thing. Your job is to keep kids safe. If a DCK is being bit on a daily basis - it is not safe!
Since the other DCF was thinking of leaving anyway, then it just makes your decision easier.
Sucks you have to term anyone, but if it's because of the safety of your kids - it needs to be done.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
Reply
TwinKristi 10:03 AM 01-06-2014
^^ I think she meant that the victim of the biter was thinking of leaving, not the biter's family.

My situation was much different, it was my own son who was biting (18mos) and I couldn't really term him. He's gotten much much better since learning to talk better and rarely if ever bites (as opposed to multiple times a day!) because I was forced to deal with it head on. If someone threatened to leave they would have to leave because I can't term my own child. Ya know? I don't disagree with terming children over biting, especially if you're close to losing a family over it, but I just wanted to share a story where it DOES get better!
Reply
Maria2013 10:08 AM 01-06-2014
it's unfortunate it has to come to this, but you're doing absolutely the right thing
Reply
Laurel 10:40 AM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
^^ I think she meant that the victim of the biter was thinking of leaving, not the biter's family.

My situation was much different, it was my own son who was biting (18mos) and I couldn't really term him. He's gotten much much better since learning to talk better and rarely if ever bites (as opposed to multiple times a day!) because I was forced to deal with it head on. If someone threatened to leave they would have to leave because I can't term my own child. Ya know? I don't disagree with terming children over biting, especially if you're close to losing a family over it, but I just wanted to share a story where it DOES get better!
Same with my grandson. He was the biter. I just had to juggle things so he was almost never alone beside the other child. I took the bitee to the bathroom with me, fed them lunch staggered so bitee could be safe up in her high chair and all kinds of things. It took a long time and it worked...finally. It was kind of stressful for me but you do what you have to do when it is your own.

I can understand if a provider wouldn't want to be that intense for a few months because that is what it takes if you absolutely won't term and I wouldn't. The little girl my grandson bit's mother was good about it and she reminded me that her older son who I had watched WAS the biter. I didn't even remember that! Still I did so good that she rarely got bit after I was 'super protector'.

Laurel
Reply
Cat Herder 10:50 AM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:

You can't risk losing another family just to keep the biter family happy
^^^^ Maintaining a safe and healthy learning environment for your group is priority #1.

You are making the right choice for the group.
Reply
itlw8 01:26 PM 01-06-2014
You are making the right decision. Actually since the child is a known biter you can be in big trouble with licensing and the parent can sue you if their child is bit. It is a known hazard.

Some times you just have to do it. a group situation is not good for all children.
Reply
TwinKristi 03:03 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by itlw8:
You are making the right decision. Actually since the child is a known biter you can be in big trouble with licensing and the parent can sue you if their child is bit. It is a known hazard.

Some times you just have to do it. a group situation is not good for all children.
so are you suggesting my only choice is to close my daycare when my child bit? Is this in every state or just your own? What is a parent to do when their child is labeled a biter and can't get childcare because of this? Sounds like a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Reply
Cat Herder 05:01 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
so are you suggesting my only choice is to close my daycare when my child bit? Is this in every state or just your own? What is a parent to do when their child is labeled a biter and can't get childcare because of this? Sounds like a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
The only way to get rid 100% of the risk of losing a civil suit is to term the biter. That is common legal knowledge, not a personal judgement.

If a parent can't find group childcare for a known/chronic biter it is the parents responsibility to find their own solution, not the group childcare providers.

Expecting a group childcare provider to accept that legal burden
simply makes no financial sense. It isn't personal, it is business.
Reply
countrymom 05:09 PM 01-06-2014
how did it go.
Reply
TwinKristi 05:10 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
The only way to get rid 100% of the risk of losing a civil suit is to term the biter. That is common legal knowledge, not a personal judgement.

If a parent can't find group childcare for a known/chronic biter it is the parents responsibility to find their own solution, not the group childcare providers.

Expecting a group childcare provider to accept that legal burden
simply makes no financial sense. It isn't personal, it is business.
I'm not talking about a legal judgement, I'm talking about getting in trouble from licensing with a "known" biter.
Reply
melilley 05:16 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
^^ I think she meant that the victim of the biter was thinking of leaving, not the biter's family.

My situation was much different, it was my own son who was biting (18mos) and I couldn't really term him. He's gotten much much better since learning to talk better and rarely if ever bites (as opposed to multiple times a day!) because I was forced to deal with it head on. If someone threatened to leave they would have to leave because I can't term my own child. Ya know? I don't disagree with terming children over biting, especially if you're close to losing a family over it, but I just wanted to share a story where it DOES get better!
I have a child who started at 18 mo. and was a biter. He is 2 now and doesn't bite anymore, so there can be an end (usually).

I'm not saying op shouldn't term, just showing another success story.
Reply
Cat Herder 05:23 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
I'm not talking about a legal judgment, I'm talking about getting in trouble from licensing with a "known" biter.
Ok , I am not sure about itlw8t's but my rules state "children shall be protected from physical and emotional harm that can result from punitive actions of other children such as hitting, yelling, criticizing, biting etc."

Each occurrence can equate into a citation if reported by parent. If we turn in a pattern of injury reports (mandatory reporting of boo-boo forms if requiring treatment/breaks skin) for biting we will be visited and cited without a parent complaint.

The State views it as a classroom management issue. As we all know, that is not always the case.
Reply
Blackcat31 05:53 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
so are you suggesting my only choice is to close my daycare when my child bit? Is this in every state or just your own? What is a parent to do when their child is labeled a biter and can't get childcare because of this? Sounds like a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
My sister's 3rd child was a biter.

Her older two went to a center and her youngest (the biter) had a nanny.

My sister figured it out. Her child didn't bit for ever.

Just between the ages of 8 months until around 18 months. I don't view her choice to find a solution to HER problem a permanent solution since she only had to use these arrangements for 10 months.

The biting IS temporary so parents need to figure out a temporary care solution that doesn't involve putting other kids at risk (group care) until it passes.

I feel for parents who have biters. I really do.

But I still can't risk other kids getting bit. They have a right to a safe environment.

So does the biter and to be in a situation where the opportunity to bite is everywhere is unsafe.
Reply
Starburst 11:34 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
so are you suggesting my only choice is to close my daycare when my child bit? Is this in every state or just your own? What is a parent to do when their child is labeled a biter and can't get childcare because of this? Sounds like a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Well my college almost had something similar to that that happen (in CA). Licensing got so many reports about it that they almost wrote up the daycare center for 'lack of supervision'. BUT, the licensing rep and the parents both observed the child and he bit someone under their close watch so they didn't get written up for lack of supervision; but the licensing rep said that because he is a danger to the other children he needed to be terminated. The director actually didn't want that to happen because she wanted to help him work on it but it was no longer her choice to make.

As for the if a labeled biter can't get into daycare thing; it's been mentioned here before that semi-public daycare blacklists are (usually) illegal because 1) it can be considered slander on the family or child; 2) confidentiality rights. Most parent's would not tell a new provider why their last daycare didn't work in this situation and would most likely not list that daycare for a reference (may even lie and say 'Junior has never been to daycare').
Reply
Laurel 05:48 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by melilley:
I have a child who started at 18 mo. and was a biter. He is 2 now and doesn't bite anymore, so there can be an end (usually).

I'm not saying op shouldn't term, just showing another success story.
Well I don't know any adults that are still biters so I suppose it can be outgrown.
Reply
melilley 05:53 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Laurel:
Well I don't know any adults that are still biters so I suppose it can be outgrown.
You never know!
Reply
countrymom 05:55 AM 01-07-2014
I think its time to term when the parents become non compliant and really don't want to do anything about it. I really believe that if they bite at daycare they bite at home. And usually its a game the little people play with their parents. We've all played it with our kids, some kids just go further with it.
Reply
Play Care 06:42 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Laurel:
Well I don't know any adults that are still biters so I suppose it can be outgrown.
I bite
Reply
cheerfuldom 09:13 AM 01-07-2014
My own child was the biter and in that case, I had to downsize the daycare to where I can guarantee the biter be closely supervised at all times. She bit a daycare child in the face and I was so sorry about that and the parents stayed with me but you can bet that I was all over that situation. I guaranteed it would not happen again and it did not. I did what I had to do to deal with my own troublesome 2nd daughter. If it is your own child causing the issues at your daycare, you have a responsibility to deal with it appropriately and yes, that may include downsizing or even closing your daycare. If you can't keep the kids safe, you need to find a different job. If you must keep the daycare open, then you have to figure out a way to provide your biter with adequate supervision. maybe even growing the daycare so you can hire an assistant.
Reply
renodeb 11:43 AM 01-07-2014
You are absolutely doing the right thing. The times that I have termed a family they got weird on me and it just cemented the reason why I was terming to begin with. I take biting very seriously no matter the reason and I have termed children for biting. Its never easy but you have to think of what's best for the group. You don't want to loose a child over the issue. You will be glad you did it. Good luck and stick to your guns!
Debbie
Reply
sharlan 11:55 AM 01-07-2014
My eldest granddaughter was a horrible biter. She would take little chunks of skin. My "adopted granddaughter" has the scars to prove it 17 years later.

I couldn't term her, just do everything I could to protect the other child. I did lose one family because their son got bit twice and their ped told them that their child could end up with some horrible disease from being bit. They ran him to the dr both times. Skin wasn't broken either time but the ped put him on antibiotics to prevent infection. I wasn't unhappy to see the family go.

Today, if she was a daycare child, I would term her because of the liability.
Reply
Laurel 12:19 PM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I bite
Which one of these is you? or


Reply
Jack Sprat 02:04 PM 01-07-2014
What about hitting? I have a hitter and a toy thrower on my hands.
Reply
MarinaVanessa 02:24 PM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by countrymom:
how did it go.
I'm wondering how it went also ???
Reply
Tags:biter, biting policy, parental life choices, parental responsibility, violence in child care, violent behaviour
Reply Up