Please Help Me with The Most Polite Wording

[GKJNIGMN]

I have a DCM who is not DCM of the year by any means. Her children come to me at 9:30pm sleep here overnight while she is at work, and the following day I drop one at school and the other stays until 2:30PM. Yes, it is a ton of hours. I do get paid for 2 shifts per day per child and I do this 6 days a week.

Maybe 6 weeks ago, DCM text me one evening and asked if I could pick her kids up because her car wouldn't start that night. I did so with no problem. They are only 7 blocks directly up the street. Before you know it, she wants this every day because she hasn't replaced the car yet. I did so for 2 weeks both ways and then started charging a fee. I did it with a fee for probably 2 weeks and then she started texting me maybe 10 minutes before I was to drop off and telling me that she was going to eat and would let me know when she was home or as I was pulling up, she was also pulling up driving her BFs car.

This leads up to 2 weeks ago. I told her I would no longer be giving rides. I had her resign paperwork stating my late fee and left it on her. She has since racked up $300 in late fees. The fees are getting paid. This includes last Saturday when she text me half hour after pick up to tell me she was sick in the bathroom but would be on her way. She text me again 2 hours later just opting to pay extra fees to leave them with me and that day I did offer to just bring them to her.

I charge $5 for every 15 minutes she is late rounded up so at 2:31pm she owes me $5 and so forth.

I realize she is just being lazy. Walking 7 blocks isn't far and she has been off work since 6:30AM so she has plenty of time to make it but today she came in at 3:52pm again and asked if I could give the younger one a ride home. She told me that by the time her bf brings the car she has to pick the older one up at school so she will keep being this late.

I told her I needed to check my schedule for tomorrow because I have learned to never immediately answer. After thinking about it, I realized how stupid I was for even considering it and I need help with a nice way to tell her that she should get herself together and start walking over at 2pm like any normal person would do. It is really just a mere annoyance to me since I have other DCKs up until 4:15-4:30pm anyway so the only person she is hurting is herself.

[CraftyMom]

Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN

I have a DCM who is not DCM of the year by any means. Her children come to me at 9:30pm sleep here overnight while she is at work, and the following day I drop one at school and the other stays until 2:30PM. Yes, it is a ton of hours. I do get paid for 2 shifts per day per child and I do this 6 days a week.

Maybe 6 weeks ago, DCM text me one evening and asked if I could pick her kids up because her car wouldn't start that night. I did so with no problem. They are only 7 blocks directly up the street. Before you know it, she wants this every day because she hasn't replaced the car yet. I did so for 2 weeks both ways and then started charging a fee. I did it with a fee for probably 2 weeks and then she started texting me maybe 10 minutes before I was to drop off and telling me that she was going to eat and would let me know when she was home or as I was pulling up, she was also pulling up driving her BFs car.

This leads up to 2 weeks ago. I told her I would no longer be giving rides. I had her resign paperwork stating my late fee and left it on her. She has since racked up $300 in late fees. The fees are getting paid. This includes last Saturday when she text me half hour after pick up to tell me she was sick in the bathroom but would be on her way. She text me again 2 hours later just opting to pay extra fees to leave them with me and that day I did offer to just bring them to her.

I charge $5 for every 15 minutes she is late rounded up so at 2:31pm she owes me $5 and so forth.

I realize she is just being lazy. Walking 7 blocks isn't far and she has been off work since 6:30AM so she has plenty of time to make it but today she came in at 3:52pm again and asked if I could give the younger one a ride home. She told me that by the time her bf brings the car she has to pick the older one up at school so she will keep being this late.

I told her I needed to check my schedule for tomorrow because I have learned to never immediately answer. After thinking about it, I realized how stupid I was for even considering it and I need help with a nice way to tell her that she should get herself together and start walking over at 2pm like any normal person would do. It is really just a mere annoyance to me since I have other DCKs up until 4:15-4:30pm anyway so the only person she is hurting is herself.

I'm confused I guess. Why do you need to pick up the kids if she's driving her bf car to go eat. Why can't she drive them to you?

And are you bringing all the other dck's with you to pick up and drop off?

And she pays you twice your amount for 2 kids, so basically she's paying for 4 kids full time? Plus a ton of fees?

And they sleep at your house 6 nights a week, then go home for a few hours and come back, when does this woman see her kids?

I can't see how this arrangement is good for you or the kids. It's great for lazy mom but OMG!

Unless I'm just not understanding this right it seems like the kids are ALWAYS with you!

[CraftyMom]

To answer your question though

"Dear dcm,
Our current situation is no longer working well. I will no longer be able to provide transportation for your children. You also need to pick up by 2:30 as per our contract. I am no longer able to keep you child/children past 2:30. This is effective immediately. Thank you for your cooperation"

[GKJNIGMN]

No, It is exactly as it sounds. I get paid for 24 shifts per week between the 2 of them and she is supposed to have them from 2:30pm to 9:30PM because they are state paid and the state wants to make sure that she has 8 hours to sleep after she gets off work at 6:30AM.

And yes, the reason I told her I was giving rides anymore is because I would have to load up other kids to show up and she had a car parked there and because I consider it walking distance. Or what was even more disrespectful was her just deciding she needed to go eat at a restaurant at that exact time.

I think your reaction may have answered it though lol When I typed it out, I realized how dumb it would make me to agree to give her kids a ride. And now that I reread it, maybe I don't need to be nice because her kids are the ones suffering.

[Kcole1075]

Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN

No, It is exactly as it sounds. I get paid for 24 shifts per week between the 2 of them and she is supposed to have them from 2:30pm to 9:30PM because they are state paid and the state wants to make sure that she has 8 hours to sleep after she gets off work at 6:30AM.

I was going to ask you why the other stays until 2:30 but that answers it I guess.

I feel that it is crazy that she would think going get some food would be ok when you were going ro get her kids.

[GKJNIGMN]

I did let it happen but at the same time everything I know says that consistently charging a late fee should detour this.

I haven't given her kids a ride in a couple weeks and I need to just stick with it. I am just starting to feel sorry for the kids. I know that I could term and I honestly don't care that much about the money. I just worry about where the kids would end up. I have to not make it my problem and I appreciate everyone on here because I can always come here and know that I am not the only one who has trouble saying no lol

[cheerfuldom]

This whole thing is ridiculous. You are enabling a horrible parent to continue being a horrible parent. If you know her work schedule, change her contracted hours to 30 minutes before her shift and ending 30 minutes after her shift. No more late fees because being late will result in immediate termination. Hold her accountable RIGHT NOW. Let her know "If you call me for a ride, I will terminate our contract immediately so don't even ask again. If you show up late again, I will terminate our contract immediately"

This whole scenario is just absolutely nuts. It is not about the one ride. You are not doing this family any favors by agreeing to participate in this situation.

No polite wording, just immediate tough love.

[CraftyMom]

Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN

I did let it happen but at the same time everything I know says that consistently charging a late fee should detour this.

I haven't given her kids a ride in a couple weeks and I need to just stick with it. I am just starting to feel sorry for the kids. I know that I could term and I honestly don't care that much about the money. I just worry about where the kids would end up. I have to not make it my problem and I appreciate everyone on here because I can always come here and know that I am not the only one who has trouble saying no lol

I was wondering how she could afford paying double plus fees, but is you are state paid that makes more sense.

I think she doesn't mind paying the fees because that's all she's paying. When fees are added for a dcp that pays in full from their pocket it hurts them. Since she only pays the fees she's like OK that's fine, keep my kids longer.

[Luvnmykidz]

I definitely agree that tough love is needed in this case. I was also wondering if you could possibly create a new contract and increase the late fees. Here is how my fees are set up. I charge a late fee of $1 per minute per child exactly one minute after the contracted time has ended as well as a $20 inconvenience fee per child. The inconvenience fee is charged to any early drop off or late pick-up that has not been given prior approval (24 hr minimum for approval request to be made). I have not had to apply these fees to anyone yet and at interviews they ask if that's for real. I explain that its inconsiderate to arrive early or late as well as an inconvenience to myself, my family as well as other families that may not be able to drop off for the next shift due to late pick-ups. Good luck with your situation.

[GKJNIGMN]

I let her know that I will not be giving rides period. I told her that I will be more than willing to have DCG ready to go as early as necessary so that she can walk down here to get her and still have time to get her other child from school even though this was never the reason for the late pick up.

I will be raising her late fee as well. The provider prior to me had her fee raised all the way to $15 a minute so I will consider just making it that extreme.

I completely understand that she really isn't doing any parenting at this point and I am pushing it back on her as quickly as I can. We also have documented the numerous other issues going on because I suspect her situation will end up with children and youth stepping in.

I appreciate everyone just giving me the swift kick in the butt I needed to reevaluate the situation.

[FullHouse]

I would love it if someone made sure I got 8 hours of sleep.....

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by FullHouse

I would love it if someone made sure I got 8 hours of sleep.....

Right, I honestly don't get the being paid to sleep thing. I could understand a few hrs or until noon but really??

[CraftyMom]

Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN

I let her know that I will not be giving rides period. I told her that I will be more than willing to have DCG ready to go as early as necessary so that she can walk down here to get her and still have time to get her other child from school even though this was never the reason for the late pick up.

I will be raising her late fee as well. The provider prior to me had her fee raised all the way to $15 a minute so I will consider just making it that extreme.

I completely understand that she really isn't doing any parenting at this point and I am pushing it back on her as quickly as I can. We also have documented the numerous other issues going on because I suspect her situation will end up with children and youth stepping in.

I appreciate everyone just giving me the swift kick in the butt I needed to reevaluate the situation.

Sometimes it's hard to see clearly when it's one thing after another. But once you see it laid out in writing or from another point of view it all comes into perspective

[My3cents]

you are enabling this Mother to be a bad one-

money is good but at what cost......those kids, who need their mother, a good or bad one at that.

working hours only- This client is taking advantage of you because she can, and you are her because of the $