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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Daycare Family Generosity and My Discomfort
Unregistered 07:38 PM 09-26-2014
Hi - I'm wondering if anybody can help me decide the right thing to do. I'm a registered member but logged out to help protect the daycare family's privacy. I have taken care of dcg for 2 years (she's 2.5 now). Last week DCM called me at 9 pm from the hospital, completely distraught and crying because her much older daughter (age 15) had overdosed on a bottle of over-the-counter sleeping pills. She asked me if there was any way I could take their little one overnight. So I went to the hospital and brought her home and wound up keeping the child for 7 days. I completely understood that DCM needed to be with her daughter, who was in the ICU, and with no extended family around I was truly glad I could help. DCD was still going to work but other than that he stayed with them in the hospital the entire week.
The girl is physically out of the woods, thank God, but was moved today to the psych ward, and parents are not allowed to stay. So DCM came today to pick up little dcg, thanking me tremendously and leaving behind an envelope. Inside was a check for next week's care, plus a beautiful thank you card with $1,500 in cash tucked inside. I think it is unbelievably generous but way too much money, and it makes me uncomfortable. I never asked nor expected payment. The little girl is delightful and it wasn't much of a problem at all. Secondly, I know this family is really torn-up and I feel like I am taking advantage of their terrible situation by accepting that much money. Even after 2 years I don't feel like i know the family all that well. They pay on time and are always nice and prompt at pickups, and I guess they could afford the money or else they wouldn't have given it to me, but I don't know. Would you keep it? Give some of it back or all of it back? Or am I overthinking this? I would hate for them to think I'm not grateful, because I am. It just blows me away. What do you think?
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Thriftylady 07:47 PM 09-26-2014
Well there is another option, you could tell them you don't feel comfortable keeping it and tell them either XX is a fair price for the week please donate the rest to a charity, or tell them to donate it all to charity. You could even ask if they could donate it to a children's charity you both trust. I am guessing they are just very happy to have had someone to help them out in their time of need.
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cheerfuldom 08:09 PM 09-26-2014
I would accept payment for the seven days care (I normally would charge for the care during the day $30 per day plus overnight care $60 per night) so I would write a note and say that I was more than happy to help in their time of need but didnt feel comfortable accepting such a large amount above what my regular charge would be for 7 days care. I would cash the check and then write them back for the overage asking that they put that money back toward their family's needs or if they wish, donate to a charity in their daughter's name on your behalf.

However, if you do decide to keep all of it, I wouldnt blame you at all for that! You took care of a child for a WEEK with no notice, picking her up and feeding her and everything else. It is okay to accept payment for that! It is not taking advantage at all. They had a need for a service which you provided. You dont have to do anything for free just because they had an emergency.

Either way you go, you have my support.
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NeedaVaca 08:19 PM 09-26-2014
I would keep it and use a large portion for making the daycare better! Toys, learning materials, craft supplies, etc...The dcg would also benefit from that long term! They trusted you with their child for 7 days! They wouldn't give that much if they didn't think you were worth it, they could focus on the older child and know the dcg was in a safe place being well taken care of
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Thriftylady 08:24 PM 09-26-2014
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
I would keep it and use a large portion for making the daycare better! Toys, learning materials, craft supplies, etc...The dcg would also benefit from that long term! They trusted you with their child for 7 days! They wouldn't give that much if they didn't think you were worth it, they could focus on the older child and know the dcg was in a safe place being well taken care of
Like this answer also! You could even put up a sign or something saying "improvements made possible by family XYZ" or something to that effect.
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Leigh 08:32 PM 09-26-2014
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
Like this answer also! You could even put up a sign or something saying "improvements made possible by family XYZ" or something to that effect.
I wouldn't return it-they wouldn't have given it if they didn't want you to have it. Honestly, they may feel bad if you DID try to return it. The idea of giving credit for a special daycare purchase or project is great!
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KidGrind 09:21 PM 09-26-2014
I would keep it. They are aware you run a business. They also realize that 24/7 around the clock care isnít cheap.

I get you did it out of the kindness of your heart. You gave them the ability to spend time with their troubled daughter as a team.

Iíd keep it all or return it all without suggestions of what to do with the money.
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TheGoodLife 02:58 AM 09-27-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
I would keep it. They are aware you run a business. They also realize that 24/7 around the clock care isnít cheap.

I get you did it out of the kindness of your heart. You gave them the ability to spend time with their troubled daughter as a team.

Iíd keep it all or return it all without suggestions of what to do with the money.
I wouldn't return some and keep some. You didn't ask and they felt that was what that time was worth. I'm sure they can afford it or they wouldn't have done it. That was a lovely gesture on your part and it is so nice that they are so thankful. I hope everything turns out well with their older daughter- how horribly scary!
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Josiegirl 04:12 AM 09-27-2014
Wow, I've never had this dilemma. I think I'd ask them if you could sit down with them and discuss it. Then I'd tell them you truly appreciate their generosity and you really do not want to hurt their feelings in any way, BUT you don't feel right about keeping such a huge amount of money either. So please, can you come to a compromise?
I don't know, I wouldn't feel right keeping that amount, whether they could afford it or not. And I know from their viewpoint, they'd want to do something out of the ordinary.
The 2 most important issues here were that dcg was well-taken care of(obviously they have the utmost trust in you) and their older dd gets better.
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CraftyMom 06:59 AM 09-27-2014
So glad to hear the older sister is making progress!

I agree that they offered, you did not ask, but they want you to have it.

I would consider making a bid daycare purchase, Something you've been wanting or needing but didn't have the money to spend on it. New outdoor play structure for example
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rosieteddy 07:34 AM 09-27-2014
Defineately keep the money. That being said I would buy something for the daycare that you wanted but couldn't afford.Or just extra supplies or something needed.I would write them a nice thankyou telling how much you appreciated the gift. Bottom line is YOU went above and beyond in caring for this child in their time of need.Without you and your care only one parent would have been able to spend time with the child who needed them. You are trusted and were able to truly help them out.Often parents underappreciate us . There maybe extra hours expected while the older child gets the help they need.You do not want to set yourself up for no compensation for your extra care. I know I have taken children in emergencies and always excepted any money or giftcards given. At the end of the day though we feel like these kids are our family they are not and we should be compensated for anything extra.
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spinnymarie 08:01 AM 09-27-2014
That's so sad about their daughter. If you wanted to, you could probably donate some to the hospital or the psych ward that their daughter is visiting, but I agree that giving it back would be ... weird.
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NightOwl 08:43 AM 09-27-2014
I also think giving it back would be weird. They felt you deserved it. Why don't you? Know your worth!! You did something that the vast majority of people would not do and they wanted to show you how much they appreciate you. However, I think a heartfelt letter is in order.

Dear dcps,
I am so incredibly touched by your generosity. I truly did not expect this gift. After much thought, I've decided to purchase xyz, in your family's honor, for the daycare to further enrich my program for all the children. Again, I am overwhelmed by your selflessness and cannot possibly be more grateful.

With love,
Your provider

Or something like that.
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NightOwl 08:46 AM 09-27-2014
Also, I wouldn't spend it all in one place. 😃 YOU earned it. Spend a grand on something, well.... Grand, for the daycare and spend $500 on yourself.
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MissLiz610 08:48 AM 09-27-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I also think giving it back would be weird. They felt you deserved it. Why don't you? Know your worth!! You did something that the vast majority of people would not do and they wanted to show you how much they appreciate you. However, I think a heartfelt letter is in order.

Dear dcps,
I am so incredibly touched by your generosity. I truly did not expect this gift. After much thought, I've decided to purchase xyz, in your family's honor, for the daycare to further enrich my program for all the children. Again, I am overwhelmed by your selflessness and cannot possibly be more grateful.

With love,
Your provider

Or something like that.
I love this answer, I think this is the best way to handle it. You have to imagine that the family felt AWFUL about having to keep their younger child in your care for so long and this money is their way of making themselves feel that they did not take advantage of you! So glad it seems everything worked out for them and they are lucky to have a terrific provider like you to help them!
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Jazminsdaycare 08:59 AM 09-27-2014
Originally Posted by MissLiz610:
I love this answer, I think this is the best way to handle it. You have to imagine that the family felt AWFUL about having to keep their younger child in your care for so long and this money is their way of making themselves feel that they did not take advantage of you! So glad it seems everything worked out for them and they are lucky to have a terrific provider like you to help them!

100 percent agree with this!
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mom2many 09:40 AM 09-27-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I also think giving it back would be weird. They felt you deserved it. Why don't you? Know your worth!! You did something that the vast majority of people would not do and they wanted to show you how much they appreciate you. However, I think a heartfelt letter is in order.

Dear dcps,
I am so incredibly touched by your generosity. I truly did not expect this gift. After much thought, I've decided to purchase xyz, in your family's honor, for the daycare to further enrich my program for all the children. Again, I am overwhelmed by your selflessness and cannot possibly be more grateful.

With love,
Your provider

Or something like that.
I totally agree with this! I think they were extremely grateful knowing their younger child was being well taken care of during this family crisis and appreciated that they could focus 100% on their other child in the hospital.

You did it not expect such a huge compensation, but obviously they want to show you how much it meant to them, so I personally would definitely do as a Wednesday suggested in both her posts- use some for your daycare and some for yourself!
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Unregistered 10:55 AM 09-27-2014
Thank you all for you thoughtful and wonderful suggestions. I didn't mean to be a weirdo about keeping the money, or giving the money back, though I know that's how I sounded. DCM texted me to ask if she could stop by later today to pick up a pair of shoes DCG left behind, so I'll be able to find out how her daughter is doing (I am very concerned about her, but we couldn't really talk yesterday), and to thank her in person.
And I do like your letter, Wednesday! Also the suggestion of using the money for my daycare... She'll be here in a little bit and I'll let you know how it goes.
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MOM OF 4 LOGGED OUT 11:18 AM 09-27-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you all for you thoughtful and wonderful suggestions. I didn't mean to be a weirdo about keeping the money, or giving the money back, though I know that's how I sounded. DCM texted me to ask if she could stop by later today to pick up a pair of shoes DCG left behind, so I'll be able to find out how her daughter is doing (I am very concerned about her, but we couldn't really talk yesterday), and to thank her in person.
And I do like your letter, Wednesday! Also the suggestion of using the money for my daycare... She'll be here in a little bit and I'll let you know how it goes.
I love Wednesday's letter too! I think that was perfectly worded. I hope you are able to update. And I hope mom's teenager is doing much better!
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Unregistered 07:27 PM 09-27-2014
Hi, OP here: DCM and I had a very emotional visit. Her daughter is still in the psychiatric ward but will be released sometime this week, and then will need to go to another facility. Right now they're trying to determine whether she will need continued in-patient or outpatient service. DCM is a wreck, and my heart goes out to her. Basically, I just held her hand and let her talk and we both cried. She's distraught because she picked up no clues that her daughter was having such problems, and is beating herself up over it. I will try to do whatever I can to support her.
I thanked her, of course, for her very generous gift and told her that while I appreciated it very much, it certainly wasn't expected or necessary. It turns out there was more to the story. First, she said that the money was worth it because she didn't have to worry a second about her little girl's well-being and that she could just concentrate on her oldest daughter, and that made me feel really good. But this is the part that surprised me: Last month my father died unexpectedly in his sleep, and of course I've been devastated. He was 65. I had to close up my daycare for an entire week because my whole family is several states away. I managed to coordinate care for families who didn't have backup but she overheard another DCM still be rude to me about taking time off. So the generous DCM said she wanted to do something personal for me at the time, but didn't want to be inappropriate. So she used the opportunity of my watching her daughter to give me something extra, with the hope that I would use some of the money for a spa day or something to make me feel good. So I understand better now, and I am even more grateful for her thoughtfulness and kindness. I've had such a rocky time with some of my daycare parents this year, and am very thankful for her.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 07:34 PM 09-27-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi, OP here: DCM and I had a very emotional visit. Her daughter is still in the psychiatric ward but will be released sometime this week, and then will need to go to another facility. Right now they're trying to determine whether she will need continued in-patient or outpatient service. DCM is a wreck, and my heart goes out to her. Basically, I just held her hand and let her talk and we both cried. She's distraught because she picked up no clues that her daughter was having such problems, and is beating herself up over it. I will try to do whatever I can to support her.
I thanked her, of course, for her very generous gift and told her that while I appreciated it very much, it certainly wasn't expected or necessary. It turns out there was more to the story. First, she said that the money was worth it because she didn't have to worry a second about her little girl's well-being and that she could just concentrate on her oldest daughter, and that made me feel really good. But this is the part that surprised me: Last month my father died unexpectedly in his sleep, and of course I've been devastated. He was 65. I had to close up my daycare for an entire week because my whole family is several states away. I managed to coordinate care for families who didn't have backup but she overheard another DCM still be rude to me about taking time off. So the generous DCM said she wanted to do something personal for me at the time, but didn't want to be inappropriate. So she used the opportunity of my watching her daughter to give me something extra, with the hope that I would use some of the money for a spa day or something to make me feel good. So I understand better now, and I am even more grateful for her thoughtfulness and kindness. I've had such a rocky time with some of my daycare parents this year, and am very thankful for her.
She is blessed to have you and you her.
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TwinKristi 10:01 PM 09-27-2014
I would keep it and use it for facility improvements and new stuff. Thank the family for their kindness. You made their life easier and they knew their little girl was safe which is priceless. Good job!
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Josiegirl 03:48 AM 09-28-2014
Oh my I'm so sorry about your dad OP. You must have been devastated and went through hell. Be sure to take care of yourself.

Your dcm is a gem and I'm sure she sees you as one also. Do something nice for you, you both are lucky to have each other. I hope her dd gets better soon; I think teenagers are very emotional and do these kinds of things without a lot of forethought. Thank God she's got another chance. And it sounds like dcm may need you again.
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_Dana_ 07:13 AM 09-28-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi, OP here: DCM and I had a very emotional visit. Her daughter is still in the psychiatric ward but will be released sometime this week, and then will need to go to another facility. Right now they're trying to determine whether she will need continued in-patient or outpatient service. DCM is a wreck, and my heart goes out to her. Basically, I just held her hand and let her talk and we both cried. She's distraught because she picked up no clues that her daughter was having such problems, and is beating herself up over it. I will try to do whatever I can to support her.
I thanked her, of course, for her very generous gift and told her that while I appreciated it very much, it certainly wasn't expected or necessary. It turns out there was more to the story. First, she said that the money was worth it because she didn't have to worry a second about her little girl's well-being and that she could just concentrate on her oldest daughter, and that made me feel really good. But this is the part that surprised me: Last month my father died unexpectedly in his sleep, and of course I've been devastated. He was 65. I had to close up my daycare for an entire week because my whole family is several states away. I managed to coordinate care for families who didn't have backup but she overheard another DCM still be rude to me about taking time off. So the generous DCM said she wanted to do something personal for me at the time, but didn't want to be inappropriate. So she used the opportunity of my watching her daughter to give me something extra, with the hope that I would use some of the money for a spa day or something to make me feel good. So I understand better now, and I am even more grateful for her thoughtfulness and kindness. I've had such a rocky time with some of my daycare parents this year, and am very thankful for her.
What a kind, caring and compassionate DCM! That is so thoughtful of her to show her gratitude for you. They truly treasure what you do for their family.

I also wanted to add that many families I worked with would consider it a HUGE insult if you were to return a gift (cultural differences). It is best to gracefully accept. I like Wednesday's idea of purchasing something for your business and give the family credit for making it happen.

This family is blessed to have you, and it sounds like you are blessed to have them as well. Enjoy deciding how to spend/save the money.
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CraftyMom 08:41 AM 09-28-2014
Op I am so sorry for the loss of your dad! My own father passed away recently at the age of 61. I feel for you

Daycare parents can be so self centered at the wrong times, I'm sorry that other dcm was giving you a hard time.

It makes us appreciate the wonderful ones like your generous dcm!
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NightOwl 01:14 PM 09-28-2014
Wow! I'm glad everyone liked my response. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy.😃

Op, your last post brought tears to my eyes. She is truly a keeper. This is the kind of relationship I think we all strive for with our families. One of mutual respect, true concern for each other, and noticing the little things where others don't (when she took note of the rude dcparent). You two deserve each other and I'm so happy that you share this kind of relationship.

I'm rooting for her daughter. I have a 16 year old dd who just went through a terrible break up. I thought I might have to pull her back from the edge on more than one occasion. So I can empathize with dcm. I'm thinking of them, even though we are strangers, and hoping for a quick recovery. Sending love and light to you both.
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Josiegirl 03:15 PM 09-28-2014
OP I just wanted to make a comment about how you've taken care of their dd for 2 yrs and still don't know them that well....I think you just learned ALOT about them in their time of need and gratitude.
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Unregistered 09:22 PM 09-28-2014
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
OP I just wanted to make a comment about how you've taken care of their dd for 2 yrs and still don't know them that well....I think you just learned ALOT about them in their time of need and gratitude.
Josie, I was going on and on so I didn't want to bore everybody with this, but it was striking to me, too, when I was talking to her how little I knew about her. I can't say it's that way with all my families, but she's reserved and really, so am I. But I feel as though I made a friend, which as well know is kinda dangerous in our line of work... I had no idea she overheard that other DCM being mean to me. I was going to start a thread about that mom after I returned to work, but every time I started to post I got upset and stopped writing. Honestly, it's not a good situation because I have to steel myself when she walks in the door and put on a really fake smile. Her kid is sweet, but I am really ready to terminate her because of that rudeness. She didn't even let me finish telling her that I had already arranged backup for her before she let out her heavy sigh and asked me what she was supposed to do with her child while I was at the funeral. I need to let it go but it's hard and I'd love to know if anybody has ever terminated care because of rudeness about something that cannot be helped.
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Josiegirl 03:06 AM 09-29-2014
Is rude dcm like this all the time? Have you had them awhile?

I'm sorry rude dcm put your through all that when you were going through a difficult time to begin with. I had a dcm do a similar thing when my mom died. She wondered what she was going to do for dc, when all my other parents expressed condolences and asked if I needed anything, ya know the usual responses you'd expect. Looking back maybe I should have at least said something to her to make her aware but I let it pass, all while telling myself 'that's not my problem'. Some people are so self-centered they cannot see past their own face.

As far as terming rude dcm, can you afford it? Is she always like this? Ultimately it's your decision but we are human with lives first, providers 2nd. You don't have to keep her unless you want to. It's your home, your business, you have the luxury of making that kind of a decision.
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taylorw1210 09:40 AM 09-29-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I also think giving it back would be weird. They felt you deserved it. Why don't you? Know your worth!! You did something that the vast majority of people would not do and they wanted to show you how much they appreciate you. However, I think a heartfelt letter is in order.

Dear dcps,
I am so incredibly touched by your generosity. I truly did not expect this gift. After much thought, I've decided to purchase xyz, in your family's honor, for the daycare to further enrich my program for all the children. Again, I am overwhelmed by your selflessness and cannot possibly be more grateful.

With love,
Your provider

Or something like that.
Love this.
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taylorw1210 09:42 AM 09-29-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi, OP here: DCM and I had a very emotional visit. Her daughter is still in the psychiatric ward but will be released sometime this week, and then will need to go to another facility. Right now they're trying to determine whether she will need continued in-patient or outpatient service. DCM is a wreck, and my heart goes out to her. Basically, I just held her hand and let her talk and we both cried. She's distraught because she picked up no clues that her daughter was having such problems, and is beating herself up over it. I will try to do whatever I can to support her.
I thanked her, of course, for her very generous gift and told her that while I appreciated it very much, it certainly wasn't expected or necessary. It turns out there was more to the story. First, she said that the money was worth it because she didn't have to worry a second about her little girl's well-being and that she could just concentrate on her oldest daughter, and that made me feel really good. But this is the part that surprised me: Last month my father died unexpectedly in his sleep, and of course I've been devastated. He was 65. I had to close up my daycare for an entire week because my whole family is several states away. I managed to coordinate care for families who didn't have backup but she overheard another DCM still be rude to me about taking time off. So the generous DCM said she wanted to do something personal for me at the time, but didn't want to be inappropriate. So she used the opportunity of my watching her daughter to give me something extra, with the hope that I would use some of the money for a spa day or something to make me feel good. So I understand better now, and I am even more grateful for her thoughtfulness and kindness. I've had such a rocky time with some of my daycare parents this year, and am very thankful for her.
What an incredible woman she is, and same goes for you!
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taylorw1210 09:45 AM 09-29-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Josie, I was going on and on so I didn't want to bore everybody with this, but it was striking to me, too, when I was talking to her how little I knew about her. I can't say it's that way with all my families, but she's reserved and really, so am I. But I feel as though I made a friend, which as well know is kinda dangerous in our line of work... I had no idea she overheard that other DCM being mean to me. I was going to start a thread about that mom after I returned to work, but every time I started to post I got upset and stopped writing. Honestly, it's not a good situation because I have to steel myself when she walks in the door and put on a really fake smile. Her kid is sweet, but I am really ready to terminate her because of that rudeness. She didn't even let me finish telling her that I had already arranged backup for her before she let out her heavy sigh and asked me what she was supposed to do with her child while I was at the funeral. I need to let it go but it's hard and I'd love to know if anybody has ever terminated care because of rudeness about something that cannot be helped.
That is so awful of that dcp. My grandmother passed away earlier this month and I closed for 2 days o host out of state family and attend funeral services. Not one of my families even blinked at my having to close. I cannot imagine how that dcp made you feel. I am so sorry.
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Blackcat31 09:48 AM 09-29-2014
Odd man out but I would not have kept the money.

The mom asked a favor from you (taking her younger child while she had a family emergency).

You agreed to do this out of the kindness of your heart.

I know the parents gave the money to you as a way to thank you for doing that and I too would have been deeply touched by their generosity but I still just couldn't have and wouldn't have kept it.

I would have thanked the parents for offering and for feeling as though I deserved some sort of compensation but in the end, I simply couldn't have accepted.

You are lucky to have such a caring family and they are lucky to have such a caring provider.
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Unregistered 10:41 PM 09-29-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Odd man out but I would not have kept the money.

The mom asked a favor from you (taking her younger child while she had a family emergency).

You agreed to do this out of the kindness of your heart.

I know the parents gave the money to you as a way to thank you for doing that and I too would have been deeply touched by their generosity but I still just couldn't have and wouldn't have kept it.

I would have thanked the parents for offering and for feeling as though I deserved some sort of compensation but in the end, I simply couldn't have accepted.

You are lucky to have such a caring family and they are lucky to have such a caring provider.
I know what you are saying, BC. This was my initial gut reaction, and now I feel like
crying all over again (I am not usually this emotional ... it's just been a tough month, and I
need to get a grip). But I do want to thank you, and everybody for your very, very kind words. They've meant a lot.
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Josiegirl 03:29 AM 09-30-2014
This is one of those situations that can easily be seen from one side or the other. It's a lot of money so one doesn't feel right about accepting it. OTOH they desperately needed someone and wanted to compensate for that and gave you something that a thank you just couldn't touch as well.

Have you ever given something that someone didn't accept? I've done things for and given things to my sister in the past and for some reason she cannot just say thank you and accept it. She always refuses to take it or feels she has to give something in return. The amount wasn't the same as what your dcps did for you but if they hadn't been able to financially, I'm sure they wouldn't have.
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nannyde 04:20 AM 09-30-2014
I would keep the money and use it to replace the tuition I would not be getting from rude DCM after I termed her.

She would be GONE.
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Blackcat31 05:18 AM 09-30-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I know what you are saying, BC. This was my initial gut reaction, and now I feel like
crying all over again (I am not usually this emotional ... it's just been a tough month, and I
need to get a grip). But I do want to thank you, and everybody for your very, very kind words. They've meant a lot.
Oh, I did not mean to make this harder... I am sorry.

I think from my perspective I (personally) am like Josiegirl just said about her sister....I have a hard time accepting things like that. It's not that I would not be thankful or touched....stuff like that just makes me feel unsure/uneasy.

I automatically feel like I would be indebted or would feel like that generosity is hanging over my head all the time. I have a really hard time accepting someone's generosity I suppose but I certainly didn't mean to make this any harder than it is already and I truly understand the emotional aspect of this.

Cash money is weird like that. It's value or worth (I don't mean actual cash value) is different in every situation. I imagine this would be a completely different story if the family had given you something material with the same value. kwim?

I think Josiegirl may also be correct in stating that if the family could not afford to be this generous, they wouldn't have.

Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
Have you ever given something that someone didn't accept? I've done things for and given things to my sister in the past and for some reason she cannot just say thank you and accept it. She always refuses to take it or feels she has to give something in return. The amount wasn't the same as what your dcps did for you but if they hadn't been able to financially, I'm sure they wouldn't have.
You sound like a wonderfully caring and generous person and just the fact that you were willing to step up and help out is evident of that. Perhaps this is God's way of brining some compensation to you for having to deal with the rude mom. Maybe NannyDe is right and the money should be a blessing in disguise because you can term rude mom and not suffer financially for doing so.

Remember, there is no textbook right or wrong thing to do. Only what's right for you and your situation. I am sure this family wants you to be compensated for your kindness. In today's world, that sort of kindness is not commonplace and not something everyone would be so willing to do.

Again, you are a wonderfully thoughtful person and I admire you for your generosity and capacity for caring.
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Dilley Beans 11:50 AM 09-30-2014
Be sure to consult your tax person on if it all needs to be claimed as taxable. I believe it is. Therefore, decide what you would have been paid for a week's 24/7 care and use the rest, after taxes to do something for the daycare. You still earned it so the government wants it's cut. But there is still plenty of room for a new play kitchen or a summer CSA food program, or whatever you decide to do with the money for the daycare.
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TaylorTots 12:14 PM 09-30-2014
Agree - put it toward the daycare and voice to the DCM a thank you.


If you are completely opposed then take what you feel is fair for 7 days of care 24/7 and credit the rest to her account. Let her know that DCG is paid up until X date with the cash she left. If she fights you on it, I'd back down and accept the gift.


Being gracious isn't always easy, but that is what the money was for - not just for the little ones care, but for your graciousness in coming to pick her up and making a big exception to go above and beyond for them when you weren't obligated to in the least.

ETA: She stayed a week in the hospital - she loves her children. She was confident in your care to leave her child with you for a week. That confidence might be worth something $ wise to the parent... and some people express thank you best with money...
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Michael 04:08 PM 09-30-2014
She could have used relatives or friends but chose to use her provider. OP was her first choice. She paid her for services and the provider went beyond her normal hours to care for the child.

As a father, I would have offered the same money and not waited for an invoice. Taking the money doesn't make the OP any less a provider or friend.

Keep it business first, what you offer beyond that is your choice and should not be scrutinized.
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mom2many 05:03 PM 09-30-2014
Originally Posted by Michael:
She could have used relatives or friends but chose to use her provider. OP was her first choice. She paid her for services and the provider went beyond her normal hours to care for the child.

As a father, I would have offered the same money and not waited for an invoice. Taking the money doesn't make the OP any less a provider or friend.

Keep it business first, what you offer beyond that is your choice and should not be scrutinized.

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TheGoodLife 05:12 PM 09-30-2014
Originally Posted by Michael:
She could have used relatives or friends but chose to use her provider. OP was her first choice. She paid her for services and the provider went beyond her normal hours to care for the child.

As a father, I would have offered the same money and not waited for an invoice. Taking the money doesn't make the OP any less a provider or friend.

Keep it business first, what you offer beyond that is your choice and should not be scrutinized.

Reply
Unregistered 08:13 PM 09-30-2014
BC - You didn't make it harder. I asked for everyone's opinion, and I truly wanted them - but I honestly never expected to get so many awesome replies. Thank you all. The one thing I know for sure is that Rude DCM is going to be gone after pickup tomorrow (I believe you called it first, Nannyde!), and boy is she going to be surprised. I should have terminated her the day I got back from my dad's funeral, but I just couldn't face anymore drama. But dealing with her lately has been giving me knots in my stomach, and today convinced me it was time for it to end. She "told" me she was dropping off 30 minutes early tomorrow and while I might be a softy in some areas, I do not like parents telling me they want a favor rather than asking. When I told her it wouldn't work for me, I got a silent stare and then an eye roll. So now I am writing her termination letter, and I will be telling her the truth.
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NightOwl 09:52 PM 09-30-2014
Send her packing! Good for you! Whether or not you have personal relationships with your dcparents, you deserve their respect and at the very least, their understanding in the case of emergencies or unforeseen events. And she has given you neither.
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Tags:daycare experiences, parents from heaven
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