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  #1  
Old 01-10-2016, 09:20 AM
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We met with what I thought would be a great DCP for us on Friday. This would be our first time using a DCP so its very new to us. After our meeting I sent her a message saying I thought she would be a great fit and we look forward to starting this upcoming week or the following (we gave her that option in case she needed a little more time to adjust, she just opened her DC and enrolled one other toddler). She didn't respond but I can see that she "read" the message. Saturday comes and goes with no response. I messaged her again this morning asking if she still wanted to move forward again she "read" the message but did not respond. Are these red flags?

I felt our initial meeting went pretty well. But there were maybe a few things that could've changed her mind about our family which I'll mention below.

- 3 year old is not potty trained
- 16 month old will not nap well around other kids, and would need to be in a separate room to fall asleep better (she said she would use a monitor and that would be fine!)
- I questioned if she planned to drive the kids around, but never said I was against it.
- We noticed she had a dog in the backyard and while I'm not totally against it did make me a little uncomfortable (I think she noticed this with my face expression), but I'm open to it.

Does it sounds like she may of changed her mind about us? I'm just frustrated with the lack of communication. She knows we were looking to start fairly soon and if she doesn't want to move forward, she could at least respond?
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Old 01-10-2016, 09:44 AM
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Well not knowing her, I can't say for sure, but I can tell you from my side of things.

First off, I reserve 48 hours before I make a decision about any family. I do this to give me enough time to consider if that family would be a good fit. Also, I don't do business on the weekends if I have no DCK's those days. I recently got mostly away from doing weekends, having that downtime has been a Godsend to me! Every provider needs time away from business or we would go nuts, so she may be waiting for the weekday.

As far as the nap issues, that would be a huge issue for me. I just don't have the space to make sure kiddos can have their own room. And, one child that doesn't nap well easily disrupts the whole group. Tired kids are cranky kids and that makes for long days.

The potty training, well for me it just depends. I am more worried about why they are not potty trained, if they are working on it, a whole host of things there. And how 3 is your 3 yr old? Newly 3 would be less issue for me than almost 4. And, I would want to know you are working on it at home. It isn't my job to potty train kids, and I don't potty train kids, but I do assist with it. I won't take them and sit them every X minutes though, I expect for the most part them to tell me they need to go. So lots of factors there I have no clue in.

As far as the dog, did you speak with her about it? If I saw a "look" but there was no communication it might sway me. Also, what had she told you about the dog being around the kids? If she had told you that never happens and she got a "look" she may feel you don't trust her. Distrust towards a childcare provider is a huge liability for the provider. I handed a parent back money and termed on the spot for her basically saying she didn't trust me. I tell all my parents in the first interview that trust and communication is huge. If I feel we can't communicate well, you likely won't be offered a spot.

Not being at your interview, and not knowing you or the provider I can't say for sure I am just offering from how things work for me.
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:11 AM
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First off, I reserve 48 hours before I make a decision about any family. I do this to give me enough time to consider if that family would be a good fit. Also, I don't do business on the weekends if I have no DCK's those days. I recently got mostly away from doing weekends, having that downtime has been a Godsend to me! Every provider needs time away from business or we would go nuts, so she may be waiting for the weekday.

As far as the nap issues, that would be a huge issue for me. I just don't have the space to make sure kiddos can have their own room. And, one child that doesn't nap well easily disrupts the whole group. Tired kids are cranky kids and that makes for long days.

The potty training, well for me it just depends. I am more worried about why they are not potty trained, if they are working on it, a whole host of things there. And how 3 is your 3 yr old? Newly 3 would be less issue for me than almost 4. And, I would want to know you are working on it at home. It isn't my job to potty train kids, and I don't potty train kids, but I do assist with it. I won't take them and sit them every X minutes though, I expect for the most part them to tell me they need to go. So lots of factors there I have no clue in.

As far as the dog, did you speak with her about it? If I saw a "look" but there was no communication it might sway me. Also, what had she told you about the dog being around the kids? If she had told you that never happens and she got a "look" she may feel you don't trust her. Distrust towards a childcare provider is a huge liability for the provider. I handed a parent back money and termed on the spot for her basically saying she didn't trust me. I tell all my parents in the first interview that trust and communication is huge. If I feel we can't communicate well, you likely won't be offered a spot.

Not being at your interview, and not knowing you or the provider I can't say for sure I am just offering from how things work for me.


Basically the same thoughts for me. I always tell prospective families never to rush into the decision and to always check out a few other places as we all offer something different. I also tell them that they will know when they have found "the spot" because they won't even second guess it. It will feel right.

I suggest you keep looking. Good luck!
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:29 AM
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I don't work weekends and wouldn't respond to any calls or emails until Monday. It's possible this provider is doing the same.

I used to make exceptions and would email back new clients outside my normal business hours and it always came around and bit me in the backside later.

Just stay positive an wait for tomorrow to call her
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:47 AM
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Well not knowing her, I can't say for sure, but I can tell you from my side of things.

First off, I reserve 48 hours before I make a decision about any family. I do this to give me enough time to consider if that family would be a good fit. Also, I don't do business on the weekends if I have no DCK's those days. I recently got mostly away from doing weekends, having that downtime has been a Godsend to me! Every provider needs time away from business or we would go nuts, so she may be waiting for the weekday.

As far as the nap issues, that would be a huge issue for me. I just don't have the space to make sure kiddos can have their own room. And, one child that doesn't nap well easily disrupts the whole group. Tired kids are cranky kids and that makes for long days.

The potty training, well for me it just depends. I am more worried about why they are not potty trained, if they are working on it, a whole host of things there. And how 3 is your 3 yr old? Newly 3 would be less issue for me than almost 4. And, I would want to know you are working on it at home. It isn't my job to potty train kids, and I don't potty train kids, but I do assist with it. I won't take them and sit them every X minutes though, I expect for the most part them to tell me they need to go. So lots of factors there I have no clue in.

As far as the dog, did you speak with her about it? If I saw a "look" but there was no communication it might sway me. Also, what had she told you about the dog being around the kids? If she had told you that never happens and she got a "look" she may feel you don't trust her. Distrust towards a childcare provider is a huge liability for the provider. I handed a parent back money and termed on the spot for her basically saying she didn't trust me. I tell all my parents in the first interview that trust and communication is huge. If I feel we can't communicate well, you likely won't be offered a spot.

Not being at your interview, and not knowing you or the provider I can't say for sure I am just offering from how things work for me.
Thank you for your reply! I completely understand everything you've stated. I thought maybe she wasn't getting back to us because it's the weekend too but then again she just opened her daycare for kids the week of our interview and she only has 1 child and a child of her own, so it's literally brand new. But what you're saying could still be the reason why she hasn't responded but it would've been nice to know she wouldn't get back to us until Monday, even though we were looking to start care as soon as Tuesday that's why I'm mostly being persistent and also because we had another lady we interviewed requesting an update and I wanted to let her know we found someone, if that was the case.

As far as the napping goes, if he is tired enough I'm sure he would fall asleep but it would just make it little harder because she said she would have the older kids (two 3 year olds) laying down as well in the same area possibly with a little tv on in the background. I think that would distract him a lot more than being in a quiet room alone. It was actually her suggestion to put him in another room w/the monitor. It wasn't as if I specifically requested that.

My 3 year old turned 3 in August. He is not potty trained and we've not been actively training him. However, she said she would assist us (again her suggestion) as long as we are following through at home and we had an agreement to that. He also has a speech delay. But he says enough words to be able to understand his needs and wants.

Now the dog issue, we didn't know she had a dog prior to approaching her home and hearing him barking in the yard. We didn't ask in the initial conversation, so that could certainly be our fault. As we're touring her home she shows us the backyard and mentions her dog. He's a larger dog, but she said he was really friendly and he loves being around the kids. So to me I interpreted that as if she planned to have him around the kids. I told her that they've been around a dog before because their grandparents have a smaller dog at their house and they're the ones that usually care for them during the day when we're working. There was no further discussion about this. I'm personally not a fan of dogs, because they make me uncomfortable so I think my fear was mostly for myself. Would I prefer a DCP that didn't have pets? Absolutely. But it wasn't a deal breaker at all.
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  #6  
Old 01-10-2016, 10:51 AM
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OP again, on Friday she also said she would send us a contract. But she hasn't sent that either.
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Old 01-10-2016, 11:08 AM
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Thank you for your reply! I completely understand everything you've stated. I thought maybe she wasn't getting back to us because it's the weekend too but then again she just opened her daycare for kids the week of our interview and she only has 1 child and a child of her own, so it's literally brand new. But what you're saying could still be the reason why she hasn't responded but it would've been nice to know she wouldn't get back to us until Monday, even though we were looking to start care as soon as Tuesday that's why I'm mostly being persistent and also because we had another lady we interviewed requesting an update and I wanted to let her know we found someone, if that was the case.

As far as the napping goes, if he is tired enough I'm sure he would fall asleep but it would just make it little harder because she said she would have the older kids (two 3 year olds) laying down as well in the same area possibly with a little tv on in the background. I think that would distract him a lot more than being in a quiet room alone. It was actually her suggestion to put him in another room w/the monitor. It wasn't as if I specifically requested that.

My 3 year old turned 3 in August. He is not potty trained and we've not been actively training him. However, she said she would assist us
(again her suggestion) as long as we are following through at home and we had an agreement to that. He also has a speech delay. But he says enough words to be able to understand his needs and wants.

Now the dog issue, we didn't know she had a dog prior to approaching her home and hearing him barking in the yard. We didn't ask in the initial conversation, so that could certainly be our fault. As we're touring her home she shows us the backyard and mentions her dog. He's a larger dog, but she said he was really friendly and he loves being around the kids. So to me I interpreted that as if she planned to have him around the kids. I told her that they've been around a dog before because their grandparents have a smaller dog at their house and they're the ones that usually care for them during the day when we're working. There was no further discussion about this. I'm personally not a fan of dogs, because they make me uncomfortable so I think my fear was mostly for myself. Would I prefer a DCP that didn't have pets? Absolutely. But it wasn't a deal breaker at all.
Waiting so long to interview and wanting to start care pretty much right away is an issue. I always tell parents to leave themselves plenty of time. IF I decide to take you on, we have to have second paperwork interview and I need full payment of enrollment fee, the first week and at least a payment arrangement of the deposit BEFORE you start.

The potty training and the nap issues with me would be a deal breaker. "it would just be a little harder" is unacceptable to me at nap time. I would try it, but if it didn't work out would soon term.

The fact you have not began potty training at three would make me not offer a spot unless said child had some kind of liability preventing it. I would expect that by three a parent is actively working on this.

Also your "being persistent" would make me see you as a high maintenance parent. That is the kind I try to avoid. Even being a new daycare, you can't expect your provider to work seven days per week, nor do you want her to, she needs rest and downtime to be a good provider.

ETA: Also remember that just because it is the weekend and she may not have children in care doesn't mean she isn't spending part of that time on work that has to be done also. I know today I have spent time cleaning, prepping meals for the week (things are ready to put together so I have more time with the kids when they are here), and spending some time with my daughter and my truck driving husband while he is on his 34 hours of home time. Please remember that there is more to a providers job than just minding the children.
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Old 01-10-2016, 01:07 PM
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From a parent point of view, if the provider lead me to believe she was interested in filling her spots and enrolling families, said she'd mail her contract to me, knew I wanted to start care as soon as Monday, received and read two messages from me and still hasnt responded to me. I'd move along.

I would not want to work with a provider who had such poor communication skills.
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Old 01-10-2016, 01:59 PM
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From a parent point of view, if the provider lead me to believe she was interested in filling her spots and enrolling families, said she'd mail her contract to me, knew I wanted to start care as soon as Monday, received and read two messages from me and still hasnt responded to me. I'd move along.

I would not want to work with a provider who had such poor communication skills.
I agree with this, I was just trying to help the parent figure out why. Which is hard considering we are not the provider.

I would contact two or three other providers and set up interviews. The right match is out there. I like to say I don't compete with other providers for one reason, it is my saying really.... "There is a provider for every family and a family for every provider".
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Old 01-10-2016, 04:11 PM
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She may have said she had a contract but really didn't have one ready.

She may have quoted you a cheap price and rethought it after getting more response.

She may have decided not to take your kids and chose another family.

Hard to say.
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Old 01-10-2016, 06:09 PM
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She may have other interviews scheduled, and is waiting to see which family will be the best fit for her to enroll. If she has not responded yet, I would suspect she is undecided about committing to caring for your children. If she was eager to get a signed contract, I imagine you would have heard from her by now.
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Old 01-12-2016, 04:28 AM
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The potty training at that age and separate nap issue would be deal breakers for me.

Have you had an eval through early intervention? 3+ is done with ECI here and would involve a LONG drawn out process with the school district for evals and therapy.
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Old 01-12-2016, 06:19 AM
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We met with what I thought would be a great DCP for us on Friday. This would be our first time using a DCP so its very new to us. After our meeting I sent her a message saying I thought she would be a great fit and we look forward to starting this upcoming week or the following (we gave her that option in case she needed a little more time to adjust, she just opened her DC and enrolled one other toddler). She didn't respond but I can see that she "read" the message. Saturday comes and goes with no response. I messaged her again this morning asking if she still wanted to move forward again she "read" the message but did not respond. Are these red flags?

I felt our initial meeting went pretty well. But there were maybe a few things that could've changed her mind about our family which I'll mention below.

- 3 year old is not potty trained
- 16 month old will not nap well around other kids, and would need to be in a separate room to fall asleep better (she said she would use a monitor and that would be fine!)
- I questioned if she planned to drive the kids around, but never said I was against it.
- We noticed she had a dog in the backyard and while I'm not totally against it did make me a little uncomfortable (I think she noticed this with my face expression), but I'm open to it.

Does it sounds like she may of changed her mind about us? I'm just frustrated with the lack of communication. She knows we were looking to start fairly soon and if she doesn't want to move forward, she could at least respond?
Some people have a hard time telling potential clients that they’re not a right fit. Some people also have a hard time telling clients they’re still interviewing others for the spot or that they’re simple still deciding if they want to take on a particular family.

Though it’s easy for me to say, “No.” A lot of providers seem to fear the parents questioning as to why.

From a parent’s standpoint, I am personally thinking why do you want to go to a provider who not responding to you? As a mother I would think, “If is having a hard time communicating with me, how are we going to communicate with my children in her care.”

As a potential client/parent I would just move on and keep looking.
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:01 AM
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Thanks for your responses. I guess we were giving her the benefit of the doubt and as a business assumed she would be a little more professional. But I guess if she's having a hard time saying "no" and ignoring us is her way of letting us know that she isn't interested, we'll have the accept that. The communication was done through facebook, so I was wondering if there were any issues with her receiving our messages. Either way she has our phone number/email and could of reach out to us through other channels. I did send her one last message this morning saying "D, were you still interested" .. and she responded she was at the Dr's and would message me soon... I feel like an idiot for messaging her now. I'm so confused as to what's going on. Why is she posting on facebook posts (in a local mom's group we're in together) and couldn't respond to me for now 4 days, but now she's willing to reply? Could there be a legitimate reason to all of this? Or am I holding on to false hope she is a truly a good provider?
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:04 AM
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Thanks for your responses. I guess we were giving her the benefit of the doubt and as a business assumed she would be a little more professional. But I guess if she's having a hard time saying "no" and ignoring us is her way of letting us know that she isn't interested, we'll have the accept that. The communication was done through facebook, so I was wondering if there were any issues with her receiving our messages. Either way she has our phone number/email and could of reach out to us through other channels. I did send her one last message this morning saying "D, were you still interested" .. and she responded she was at the Dr's and would message me soon... I feel like an idiot for messaging her now. I'm so confused as to what's going on. Why is she posting on facebook posts (in a local mom's group we're in together) and couldn't respond to me for now 4 days, but now she's willing to reply? Could there be a legitimate reason to all of this? Or am I holding on to false hope she is a truly a good provider?
Maybe she was doing other interviews and just wanted to wait to see if they were a better fit? Try not to take it personal and just keep YOUR options open by looking for other providers too
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:05 AM
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The potty training at that age and separate nap issue would be deal breakers for me.

Have you had an eval through early intervention? 3+ is done with ECI here and would involve a LONG drawn out process with the school district for evals and therapy.
Yes, he was actually in the infants and toddlers program when he was 2 and we're getting him back into a speech a program called Child Find, he has an evaluation set up for the 18th of this month.
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:14 AM
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Honestly, I would just move on at this point. If a person can't be bothered to at least respond with a simple "I have not made a decision yet".....I would not want to work with them. That's just me.
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:20 AM
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Maybe she was doing other interviews and just wanted to wait to see if they were a better fit? Try not to take it personal and just keep YOUR options open by looking for other providers too
That could be true, I just assumed she would let me know either way? We've met and spoke to other providers and they've all been excellent about communicating and letting us know if they're waiting to hear back from other interests, etc. So it's just different that she chose not to communicate at all.

We've met with other providers, just haven't found the right fit. We're still keep all of our options open!

But maybe I'm taking it too personal.
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Old 01-12-2016, 09:53 AM
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That could be true, I just assumed she would let me know either way? We've met and spoke to other providers and they've all been excellent about communicating and letting us know if they're waiting to hear back from other interests, etc. So it's just different that she chose not to communicate at all.

We've met with other providers, just haven't found the right fit. We're still keep all of our options open!

But maybe I'm taking it too personal.
Don't make it personal. It doesn't sound like a match. Be glad to know that now instead of a month from now when you are looking for another provider yet again.
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Old 01-13-2016, 06:35 AM
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Thanks for your responses. I guess we were giving her the benefit of the doubt and as a business assumed she would be a little more professional. But I guess if she's having a hard time saying "no" and ignoring us is her way of letting us know that she isn't interested, we'll have the accept that. The communication was done through facebook, so I was wondering if there were any issues with her receiving our messages. Either way she has our phone number/email and could of reach out to us through other channels. I did send her one last message this morning saying "D, were you still interested" .. and she responded she was at the Dr's and would message me soon... I feel like an idiot for messaging her now. I'm so confused as to what's going on. Why is she posting on facebook posts (in a local mom's group we're in together) and couldn't respond to me for now 4 days, but now she's willing to reply? Could there be a legitimate reason to all of this? Or am I holding on to false hope she is a truly a good provider?
1. Just because a provider isn’t interested in having you as a client doesn’t mean she’s isn’t a good provider.

2. Again providers are people and some people have a very hard time with saying no.

3. Where is your responsibility as a parent to just move on already. She is not communicating with you in a manner that is working for you. As a parent by now I would be, “Really liked Jane, she’s not answering me. I need childcare services so on to the next provider or center I go.

4. You have your answer. Of course it’s not the answer you wanted nor addressed in a professional manner. She doesn’t want to take on your family as a client for whatever her reasons. And it’s not personal, you just weren’t a right fit for her.
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Old 02-07-2016, 08:36 PM
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1. You aren't even trying to potty train your 3 year old.
2. Nap time could be an issue.
3. You left looking for care to the last minute, and are now needing an answer on a non-work day. There is that saying... "Lack of planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part."

I wouldn't be interested, but can't imagine that I would have indicated otherwise.

At this point I think you need to move on.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:36 AM
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1. You aren't even trying to potty train your 3 year old.
2. Nap time could be an issue.
3. You left looking for care to the last minute, and are now needing an answer on a non-work day. There is that saying... "Lack of planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part."

I wouldn't be interested, but can't imagine that I would have indicated otherwise.

At this point I think you need to move on.
It's been almost a month, I'll bet she has already moved on.

If the provider was promising to send the OP a contract but was not interested, that doesn't make sense? Sounds like she has other stuff going on in her life and if she had just opened that recently, doesn't have herself together yet.
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Old 02-08-2016, 04:48 AM
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It's been almost a month, I'll bet she has already moved on.

If the provider was promising to send the OP a contract but was not interested, that doesn't make sense? Sounds like she has other stuff going on in her life and if she had just opened that recently, doesn't have herself together yet.
Some people just don't know how to say no. I think it is wrong to promise a contract and not do it. I am guessing the OP has found care at this point though.
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Old 02-10-2016, 03:04 PM
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I have three x three year olds in my care right now who are not potty trained/fully potty trained. It would definitely not be a deal breaker for me. All parents have been putting effort in but the kids haven't been/aren't ready yet. I would much rather that than the parent who pressures me to support a potty training effort that the child wasn't truly ready for yet. I hate that thing where the parent wants you to take them potty, but really they're just going to do it in the pull up anyway so I end up doing both. Actually I just won't do both. Either they're ready or they're just in diapers.
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