Drop off/Pick up MISERY

[DaycareDays126]

Hello all! New here and thought this would be a great place to ask for advice on my current situation.

I started a new family about 3 weeks ago with 2 dck, 2/4. Pick up and drop off is miserable. Screaming coming down the street (they live close to my home), mom carrying one child while the other hangs off of her shirt. There is usually screaming for about 5 minutes after Mom leaves, then all is well the rest of the day until Mom returns. Crying and screaming begins, mom immediately picks up one child, the other is yelling "goodbye, goodbye, mommy lets go" and is running out the door, I can barely have a conversation with mom about the childrens day before she has to chase the one kid out the door. On Friday before Mothers Day, we worked very hard on a present for Mom and dcg destroyed it before they even got out the door because she was throwing a fit. Even though the whole issue throughout the day only lasts a total of about 5 minutes, it ruins my day, EVERY DAY.

Today at drop off, I mentioned to Mom that we need to figure out something that will make the transition in the morning and afternoon better because it is extremely stressful to her and me. Mom always seems defeated and I'm feeling the same. I don't necessarily want to term them (especially since were neighbors) but the amount of stress this adds to my day is becoming totally not worth it to me. I do not have this problem with any of my other kids and I don't want them to think this behavior is acceptable.

Any advice on how to handle this? I told Mom this morning she needs to stop carrying the little one, and when she gets here, guide them in, say goodbye, and leave. Guess what? When she left today, no crying! No fits! How can I let Mom know this is serious without sounding rude? I would like to put a timeframe in to see some changes but how do I phrase it? I know children act differently when their parents leave but this is not new to them. Mom has even said they would do this every day for the last 4 years at the last daycare they were at as well! The kids really are no problem all day long, but how they act when she is here is pushing me over the edge. Please help!

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by DaycareDays126

Hello all! New here and thought this would be a great place to ask for advice on my current situation.

I started a new family about 3 weeks ago with 2 dck, 2/4. Pick up and drop off is miserable. Screaming coming down the street (they live close to my home), mom carrying one child while the other hangs off of her shirt. There is usually screaming for about 5 minutes after Mom leaves, then all is well the rest of the day until Mom returns. Crying and screaming begins, mom immediately picks up one child, the other is yelling "goodbye, goodbye, mommy lets go" and is running out the door, I can barely have a conversation with mom about the childrens day before she has to chase the one kid out the door. On Friday before Mothers Day, we worked very hard on a present for Mom and dcg destroyed it before they even got out the door because she was throwing a fit. Even though the whole issue throughout the day only lasts a total of about 5 minutes, it ruins my day, EVERY DAY.

Today at drop off, I mentioned to Mom that we need to figure out something that will make the transition in the morning and afternoon better because it is extremely stressful to her and me. Mom always seems defeated and I'm feeling the same. I don't necessarily want to term them (especially since were neighbors) but the amount of stress this adds to my day is becoming totally not worth it to me. I do not have this problem with any of my other kids and I don't want them to think this behavior is acceptable.

Any advice on how to handle this? I told Mom this morning she needs to stop carrying the little one, and when she gets here, guide them in, say goodbye, and leave. Guess what? When she left today, no crying! No fits! How can I let Mom know this is serious without sounding rude? I would like to put a timeframe in to see some changes but how do I phrase it? I know children act differently when their parents leave but this is not new to them. Mom has even said they would do this every day for the last 4 years at the last daycare they were at as well! The kids really are no problem all day long, but how they act when she is here is pushing me over the edge. Please help!

Welcome to the forum!

I would suggest this: https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-...in-daycare.htm

[daycarediva]

put it back on Mom.

"Dcm, we are going to start a good bye/hello outside policy to help daycare be a happy place both at pick up and drop off. The kids need to be ready to come in without incident in the morning. When you arrive please (drop off procedure here) and when you pick up, please send me a text before you arrive. I will have the children ready to go and can send you a quick text later about their day."

I would tell her that I would be happy to send a picture as soon as the children are calm.

but no, I wouldn't entertain that. ever.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the others, "bye bye outside".

[rosieteddy]

I also would do the quick goodbye.I had a real problem with some of the DCK's when leaving.Wining acting up not listening to parents.I fixed it with stickers.At pick up we would be waiting (everyone left between 5-5:30).On a good day at 4:50 I would load the stroller (under 2's)and the older kids used their safety straps.We would walk around the block and end up in driveway still controlled .As parents arrived child would greet them and get right into their car.If they did (and it took a short time)they got a sticker. Rainy days we sat inside on porch reading -same thing stay in you seats greet parents leave get a sticker. Also every year we did a "project" bag.Cheap shopping bags decorated with names .Carried back and forth each day.Kept art work together at least to the car.

[Ariana]

I have noticed that some children are very routine oriented and this has become part of their routine every day at daycare. Something needs to be done to really jolt them out of this routine. Can someone else drop them off in the morning? The dad perhaps? My niece was into this routine when she started with me and I had to ask my sister to start doing the drop off. The routine completely stopped and then after a few weeks her dad was able to drop her off again.

I personally wouldn't let mom inside the house if she is the only one able to do drop off. The door opens and kids come in. Door opens and kids go out. Discuss anything through email or text during the day or at night. You may only need to do this for a few weeks. Another option would be to meet her at the end of the driveway if you are able and just grab the kids and go. During the day I would discuss it with the kids and let them know that it is ok to feel sad and to miss their moms. Acknowledging their feelings will also go a long way.

[DaycareDays126]

Thank you everyone for the suggestions! Blackcat, what I read on that link is EXACTLY what is going on here (so glad im not the only one)! I will talk to her today at pick up and we're going to do the bye bye outside method. I know it's definitely a control/discipline issue. I can't fix how they act at home, but while at my house, I'm the boss and I'm not Mommy

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by DaycareDays126

Thank you everyone for the suggestions! Blackcat, what I read on that link is EXACTLY what is going on here (so glad im not the only one)! I will talk to her today at pick up and we're going to do the bye bye outside method. I know it's definitely a control/discipline issue. I can't fix how they act at home, but while at my house, I'm the boss and I'm not Mommy

[Thriftylady]

Originally Posted by DaycareDays126

Thank you everyone for the suggestions! Blackcat, what I read on that link is EXACTLY what is going on here (so glad im not the only one)! I will talk to her today at pick up and we're going to do the bye bye outside method. I know it's definitely a control/discipline issue. I can't fix how they act at home, but while at my house, I'm the boss and I'm not Mommy

Nail on head!!! This is exactly the issue, good luck!