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  #1  
Old 07-29-2016, 07:37 PM
SingleDad SingleDad is offline
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Default 2 Daycare - Mother Lives Over an Hour Away

I recently came home from work to find that my wife had packed up her belongings and taking my children an hour and a half away and moved into one of her father's condos. I'm asking for 50/50 custody. Is it unreasonable for me to think that the kids will be fine in daycare for a week with me and in daycare for a week in a different school near her home? I want to see them as much as possible but at the same time I don't want it to be confusing for them. Would any of you be able to tell me how the multiple day cares worked out for you and your little ones? Do you think my children will be ok with this arrangement? My son is almost 2.5 years and my daughter will be 1 next week. Thanks for the input. I know this is an old thread but I can't start a new one yet and this one is directly related to my question. Thanks.
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Old 07-29-2016, 07:39 PM
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Default I forgot to mention...

I forgot to mention that I would be placing them in KinderCare which is the same daycare they are in near her home now so that they will be following the same curriculum and have the same rules and expectations since it is a franchise. I've already spoken with the director and she feels like it won't be a problem.
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Old 07-30-2016, 04:04 PM
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It honestly depends on many variables. Expect it to be bumpy at first until it becomes their 'new normal'. They are going through a major life change.

I had a child (at age 3) do this due to a custody situation. She did not do well at all. We saw lots of regression and acting out. She was a timid, sensitive child and the instability of the situation was too much for her. What worked best for her was M-F with one parent, weekends with the other.

Franchise centers aren't all the same- it depends greatly on the staff in their rooms as to how they are run.

Good luck!
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Old 07-30-2016, 05:07 PM
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It may be the same curriculum but different people and kids every other week. At those ages, they need to feel security and bonding with their caregivers. Kids can be resilient so they could be just fine. I wonder if a lawyer would have any advice, such as preventing her from moving so far away? I know it's only 1 1/2 hours but....
Good luck to you and your family. Your little ones are adorable!
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Old 07-30-2016, 06:09 PM
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Thanks for the responses. I can't do anything about how far she moved because she is still in the state. She says she's going to move back to this area but I don't really buy it. I was thinking about asking her if we could put them in a daycare halfway between us but that would be a lot of driving and I doubt she'd consent.
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Old 07-30-2016, 06:18 PM
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What if they came to you Thursday night and returned to their mother Sunday night. You could use a nanny or friend or relative on Fridays. It might be less traumatic than two separate child care centers. Less expensive than paying full time at two centers for two children too.
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Old 07-31-2016, 02:20 AM
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I agree with pps. Lots of variables but kids are also resilient.

I wish you and your little ones luck.
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Old 07-31-2016, 08:12 AM
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Hmm this is a tough one single dad. I know you want to see your kids as much as possible but it's sounds like with the every other week thing, especially since the kids will be in daycare will be hard for the kids to adjust. I could be wrong. Is it possible for you to move closer to them that way if you do have them every other week at least they can stay in the same daycare? If not someone else had a great suggestion of you getting them Thursday night through Sunday. That's assuming you have someone to help you out on Friday with daycare.
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Old 07-31-2016, 09:03 AM
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First, I applaud you for being a dad who wants to stay an important part of his kids' lives. This is my opinion: The kids are too young for 50/50 custody. I believe they should be with the parent that they are most bonded with a majority of the time. It's very difficult for kids under 3 to tolerate 50/50. They miss their primary caregiver when they're with the other parent.

I have a little guy who gets so upset when it's time for his dad to pick him up-it was never like this before they went to 50/50 custody and he started sleeping at his dad's house (up until age 2.5, Dad had him 3-4 days a week, but would always return him to Mom's at bedtime). When I tell him that Dad is coming to get him, he yells no and tells me MOMMY is coming to get him. These parents do a great job of co parenting (they broke up before the child was born) and their relationship is amicable, but I believe that he's too young to be away from his primary bond for an extended period.

I'd try to work out another situation until the children are older. One where you can still spend a significant amount of time with your children without passing them back and forth weekly. Or, if you are their primary bond, I'd try to get a custody situation where the kids spend the majority of their time with you. We all know that kids thrive on the expected and routine, and weekly back and forth may be too much for them.

Perhaps talking with a child psychologist would help you make a decision on the next step to take? It would be ideal if you and your ex could both attend a few sessions to work out what's in the kids' best interest.
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Old 08-01-2016, 05:54 AM
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You will want to plan for a long range situation -school district placement- . You will want your home being the school district they attend later to maintain 50/50 with your kids. Allowing a mid-way center now will defeat that for later.

50/50 is a rough ride but I would not give up ground or compromise on a location until school placement or residency has been established (I am probably using the wrong terms).

Do not agree to anything until custody is sorted out.
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Old 08-01-2016, 06:15 AM
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Also, this is a public forum. Very high traffic. Showing your photo is showing your hand. I'd recommend playing your cards as if your relationship with your kids was on the line.
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