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Old 02-02-2017, 05:35 AM
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Default I'm Going To Cut Your Head Off.....

What would you do with a kid who says things like this.....and also tells other kids "Let's go punch "so and so" in the head. He also tries to trip kids when they walk past him. Usually I either do time out or have this kid play by himself for awhile. He is allowed to watch NCIS, Bluebloods and Cops with his parents. He talks about Cops ALL the time. I tell him that is not a kids show so we will not be talking about Cops here. He says.....I watch it with my mom and dad! I can!!!!! I've outlawed playing guns, playing cops and bad guys. Nothing is helping. I've talked to mom and dad and they act like they have no idea why he acts like this. He is also super hyper and needs constant supervision. Assessment day was a blast.....NOT! He was so over the top hyper that the assessor said something about it....and I was not able to hit all the areas she needed to observe me do. Anyway....I might need a few fresh ideas. He just turned 4.
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Old 02-02-2017, 05:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
What would you do with a kid who says things like this.....and also tells other kids "Let's go punch "so and so" in the head. He also tries to trip kids when they walk past him. Usually I either do time out or have this kid play by himself for awhile. He is allowed to watch NCIS, Bluebloods and Cops with his parents. He talks about Cops ALL the time. I tell him that is not a kids show so we will not be talking about Cops here. He says.....I watch it with my mom and dad! I can!!!!! I've outlawed playing guns, playing cops and bad guys. Nothing is helping. I've talked to mom and dad and they act like they have no idea why he acts like this. He is also super hyper and needs constant supervision. Assessment day was a blast.....NOT! He was so over the top hyper that the assessor said something about it....and I was not able to hit all the areas she needed to observe me do. Anyway....I might need a few fresh ideas. He just turned 4.
I would be terminating. If I couldn't terminate (do you work for a center?), then I'd be shadowing and keeping him away from the other children. His words may not leave bruises but they are still harmful to the other children. Basically, it's verbal abuse.
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Old 02-02-2017, 06:03 AM
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Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip View Post
I would be terminating. If I couldn't terminate (do you work for a center?), then I'd be shadowing and keeping him away from the other children. His words may not leave bruises but they are still harmful to the other children. Basically, it's verbal abuse.
When I was a daycare parent and not a provider if I would have walked into my son's daycare and heard that more than once or twice (I know kids are kids and sometimes say odd ball things they pick up from their environment) I would be questioning if I should be sending my son anymore for fear of him potentially actually getting hurt!

I get that kids sometimes push, bite, etc but if a child was consistently talking about hurting somebody's head or violent Acts I would be concerned.

If nothing I was trying worked, the parents aren't helpful about the situation, outsiders are beginning to make comments, and I wasn't able to get things done the way I typically should then I wouldn't know what to do! I would personally have to be done!

Or tell DCP they need to be stressing this outside of daycare or else you will be done. Say that he is beginning to get out of control with his verbal threats and that discussing cops and other inappropriate shows is not acceptable in your daycare environment there for parents need to be sure to either stop letting him watch it or have a conversation with him about what we watch isn't real and we don't talk that way at daycare! I'd personally guilt them into some how seeing he is becoming a threat and you've done what you can but now it's their turn to back you up and if beavhoir doesn't improve in 2 weeks you'll be done.
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Old 02-02-2017, 06:06 AM
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Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip View Post
I would be terminating. If I couldn't terminate (do you work for a center?), then I'd be shadowing and keeping him away from the other children. His words may not leave bruises but they are still harmful to the other children. Basically, it's verbal abuse.
This is what may have to happen. I have told the parents they might want to monitor what he watches on TV or video games he plays. They act like he never does these things....but how in the world would he even know about these shows and act them out? They are in denial and I can't work with that. I need progress or he will have to go .
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Old 02-02-2017, 06:37 AM
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I have had all boys before and they would all be terminated at some point for the things they try and act out. I have noticed all of my kids girl or boy with older siblings bring a level of play to our group that is as some point questionable. I just say we don't play that here or we don't talk that way here and I stand firm on that and it stops quickly. If he is hurting kids than I would tell parents give him a deadline of when you would like to see improvement by and either he stays or goes. You cannot control what they watch or do at home and parents will not always agree with you so either he learns he has to be different at your home or he doesn't and will need to go. I had a zombie apocalypse family who had 8 kids and their 4 yo dcb had seen and experienced some crazy stuff but after a while he learned he cannot say and do certain thinges here and that we did not want to hear about his video games and for him to sniper people all day. He eventually stopped even though his parents changed nothing at home.
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Old 02-02-2017, 06:43 AM
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Redirect every time. I'd also try to avoid letting him play in groups or in activities that support this type of play/talk.

I'd also sit him down and discuss with him why he can't say the things he does. Talk it out with him about appropriate and inappropriate places for certain type of talk. I don't think you are going to get him to stop all together but you might have luck in teaching him where he can and can't say things like that.

I also like NannyDe's version of taking away the power or the "shock value" in whatever it is he is saying.

It saddens me that kids like this are automatically viewed as bad. (NOT saying you said he was bad) but at 4 years old, he really does not understand the gravity of what he is saying. It's more that he is simply mirroring the talk and behavior that he sees on TV. If he is capable of that, he is capable of mirroring the positive behavior and talk that he sees too..... You just have to find the key or root of his behavior.

Maybe if you could set him up for success and maybe sit down and talk about rules, consequences and expectations at the beginning of the day. Have him help come up with consequences for breaking the rules. Kids want to be good...and when they are invested in something their desire to do well is natural. I'd do something like if he can make it until lunch time without engaging in any of the unwanted talk or behavior he can do X. Something like that.

I'd even go so far as to allow him to play some good/guy bad guy games but make them positive ones so that "need" in him is met. Have him throw balls made of masking tape at a web, let him have a squirt bottle and teach him how to aim at a target with the water.... etc... there are many ways to promote positive "wars", "struggles" and triumph over evil. Part of it is ingrained and part of it is learned. Denying him all things that are considered good/bad only makes it worse.

You also mentioned being hyper. He needs an outlet for his energy. The more it's capped, the more he is going to push back. Give him an opportunity (even if it's just jumping jacks for 10 minutes) to rid his body of the energy he physically holds so that he can be mentally involved.

Remember at his age, he is barely capable of perspective thinking so when he says he is going to punch someone or hurt someone his version of that is much different than yours. He isn't able to understand permanence or how to be in someone else's shoe's and understand how they might feel. He is just learning about his emotions and feelings and how to identify them.

Good luck! This kind of thing is difficult and even more so when parents aren't on the same page but this type of thing is manageable if you are able to approach it from different ways other than automatically punishing him.
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Old 02-03-2017, 11:16 AM
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Agree with BlackCat on this one!

I would also let the parents know that termination is looming around the corner if this behavior does not get under control. I would suggest that they stop letting DCB watch this crap at home. It is clearly adding fuel to the fire and is really the only part anyone can control.
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Old 02-07-2017, 12:02 AM
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Wow, did I write this? Have a dcb who acts the exact same!

We have a sign that says nothing scary is allowed inside that the kids actually made. If anyone is saying something scary or threatening like that, I'll usually walk to where they're playing and say something like, "what type of game are we playing?"

Normally that's enough because the dcb doesn't want to explain to the teacher what he was trying to pretend.

If that doesn't work or I judge that it wouldn't be effective in that circumstance, I'll walk over to them and talk only to either his "partner" or "victim" and ask if they want to do something not scary with me. I'll direct all my words to them, and throw in something about (I don't ever like playing scary games, I like doing so and so better. Do you want to do that with me?) This works in two ways: it will get his attention and usually he'll also want to do the activity. Or it shows him that his behavior isn't getting any attention from me or his classmates, and if he keeps it up, he's going to be VERY bored because no one else likes the scary games or words.
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Old 02-07-2017, 01:59 AM
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I had one little guy like this. Same thing: watched questionable things at home and his previous sitter's. Older cousins and friends, etc.

I would tell him that we do not play/talk/act like that at my house. Commonly heard: But mommy lets me. I would just tell him that that was fine but then he needed to save that for at home with mommy because there are different rules at my house. Redirected him to something more appropriate. It took months before I saw improvement. But I did see it.

One of the other things I did was upped our outdoor time in the morning. Let him burn off all his steam. That helped a lot.
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Old 02-07-2017, 04:56 AM
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My CCR&R lady came by and gave me a pamphlet to give to parents about TV violence. It's an easy read but right to the point. Trying to decide if I should give it just to her or everyone. If I give it to everyone she might not "get" that this pertains to her child.

He has been my shadow. Has to play where I can see/hear him.

At circle time we've been talking about being strong.....strong character....and what that means. We talked about being strong enough to say no to poor choices. Thus has been effective with all kids. When wild boy tries to talk others into making a poor choice they have been saying.....that's not strong character.

Along with that we are doing the "fill your bucket". When our bucket is filled, we will have a party.

The boy has also been lying about what other kids are doing. Mom tells him not to follow what "Sam" is doing. I told mom about the lies. I gave an example of him tattling on a kid who supposedly just hit him....although he was nowhere nowhere near him. He forgot about my cameras. A few days later wild boy told me his mom bought him Pinocchio! :-)
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