Having Your Own Child In Your Daycare Program?

[knoxmomof2]

Hi! I'm a homeschooling Mom of 2 (DS13 and DD12). I've been doing home child care for 4.5 years, license exempt, and I keep 4 little ones (infant to age 4).

We are expecting our 3rd child in November! ☺️ I told the daycare parents about the pregnancy and my plans once I made it to 12 weeks. The response has been positive so far, no glaring issues yet.

I've done a little searching on here and see several comments where providers allude to the fact that having their own child in care is not what they thought it would be, or just outright.. bad.

As I've learned from this forum and for the few years I've done child care - until I've been through it, I have no clue what it's like! So, please, tell me what I'm in for.... Good or bad!

Thank you in advance!

[renodeb]

It depends a lot on the child's personality. My son loved having dc kids to play with. (he is 20 now) My daughter did not like it as much. (she's 14 now) and helps me now. She was very jealous of having to share my time. Make sure you have some good down time with your new baby. Hopefully being born into it will help.
Deb

[Josiegirl]

I started dc when my oldest as around 18 mo. That was the most difficult because it was a hard adjustment for him and me and my dh. Such an invasion of mommy's time and our home space. By the time my 2 dds were born, I'd been doing this for 8 years but it was still a challenge. You do get tired, drained, and then have to find energy to give your family attention after everybody goes home. S e x? WTH is that? My dds were close in age and the dynamics were totally different. It's impossible to tell you what to expect. Maybe your partner is a whole lot more supportive and helpful than mine ever was. He did the lawn mowing and kept the cars running. Everything else was mine to do. The kids always had playmates which was nice.

Just make sure you ask for lots of help, take time for yourself, plan ahead as far as meals, etc.,(crockpot!) and don't be afraid to not be perfect or do it all. I know many providers take very little time off for maternity leave but that wasn't me. I took 6 weeks and if I lost dcfs, oh well. You'll never get that time back with your infant.

Good luck and congratulations!!

[finsup]

I started this when my first was 4m old (he's now nearly 6, other two that have come along are 3 and 18m) so essentially my kids have never known any different. I remember when I had my first family though and feeling horrible for two weeks because I no longer got to spend as much time with my baby. But we all adjusted and now for me, juggling all the kids isn't all that hard. I am in the process of putting stricter boundaries in place (less extended days, more random but planned time off) to devote more time to my own family. This year is really showing me how important that is.
The huge "con" that I never imagined was when you have kids the same age as the daycare ones and they grow up together and become close friends. Sounds great, until you have an issue with the parents. You are still daycare provider but your also the mom of your kid's best friend. Boundaries get tested and pushed. And if you have to term, or have a difficult conversation that goes bad, well your own kiddo just lost a close friend. There's a lot of guilt, and that guilt can make it harder to do your job. Right now, I have a dcb aging out who's my son's best friend and I can't wait for him to be just a friend as opposed to dck. The boys do so much better when they're not together every day as well. I always thought kids close in age would be a good thing but now as I'm looking to replace, I'm really hoping for an infant. Just to avoid this whole situation again. But with your baby so little, it isn't something that will really come up for a while

[MarinaVanessa]

Fot me it was harder with my oldest because she was 3 when I started daycare. She had a hard time with sharing me and the toys. My next 3 were much easier because they were born into it and didn't know anything else.

I didn't take much time off but that worked for me. I let parents know that the weeks right after I had my baby would be very mellow at daycare. I still followed our basic routine but did very basic activities that needed very little prep so that I could hold my babies and cuddle with them to bond. It was a nice balance.

[Ariana]

Your child is the one who will most likely give you the most grief. It really isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things however when it comes to behavior.

What I found challenging is the fact that my child did not choose this lifestyle. If I have a child that is more aggressive then my child has to deal with that and it is hard. I also don't have as much time as I thought I would to give them that extra attention. An example off the top of my head is my eldest daughter would get very upset when another child would cry and tantrum. It got really difficult for me to ignore other kids tantrums because she was getting very traumatized by them. We all know the only way for a kid to get out of tantrumming is to ignore! I ended up having to let a few kids go over it. I always felt bad for my kids when the kids I had here wouldn't play properly, or were aggressive or cried all the time. It created an infinitely more stressful situation.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

My daughter was born into this and the one I am pregnant with now will be as well. My daughter is currently being evaluated so it might be a different experience than others. However, her behavior is the worst behavior of any of the 12 children each day/most days. This didn't really start until age 3. I have no real explanation for it and it is incredibly challenging.

However, I still wouldn't change the way I did things. I think this has been very valuable for her to be a part of (and has been great for me to raise her and later homeschool her) and the other kids don't struggle because of her behaviors at all (there's no biting or anything of the sort). Just makes for an extra tired mama some days.

[Blackcat31]

No advice as I didn't start this profession until my kids were preschoolers but congratulations on the upcoming addition to your family!

[Annalee]

I was in business 9 years before having my first and I did a horrible job of balancing between my own son and daycare....did much better with my second. My mom was a tremendous help with advice/guidance. What I learned from her with my first son saved me lots of agony with the second. They are now teenagers so I guess they survived We just have other issues now

[CityGarden]

I too did not start this until my own dd was in school but CONGRATULATIONS on your new bundle of joy!!!!!

[Miss A]

My 8 month old DS was born into the daycare lifestyle, and I will say that he has been the most difficult baby I have ever cared for. It may be because of the group setting, it may be that he is just a needy baby, but just in the last 3 weeks has he become a mellow, happy baby.

I took 2 weeks off after my DS was born, and every day of my two weeks off I mourned the loss of another day of 1-1 with my own baby. Even now, knowing I am at least 3 years away from my next baby, I get panicky thinking about going into labor during DC hours (DS listened to me and was born on the weekend, the exact way I told him I wanted him to come, LOL!), Balancing appointments, and going back to work. But, a lot of that is just my personality as well.

I am also OCD, and trying to keep my home clean with DC and a new baby was stressful. If you can, treat yourself to a cleaning lady once a week

All in all, your baby's personality will decide the cadence of your day.

[hwichlaz]

I started doing daycare so I could be home with my kids...all 3 have been raised in it. I found the key,if your regs allow, is to let your child have their own space with their own things. My kid can go be in their rooms by themselves with the toys that they don't want to share whenever they get overwhelmed with the noise and activity. But if they are out in the daycare they have to follow the same rules and they get treated the same.

The ony real challenge is that you can't terminate your own kid.

[ilgirltrist11]

I find it difficult. I started daycare when my youngest 2 were 2 and newborn. It was so hard. They are now 4 and almost 2. I still find it difficult with having my own children, just not as much as before.

[spud912]

I started daycare when my oldest was 19 months old and my middle daughter was a newborn. My youngest was born into the daycare a few years later. I chose this profession so I can be home with my children. To be honest, having my children in my care is what motivated me to do my very best because I wanted to give them a certain level of care. Now my older 2 are in school and my youngest has developmental delays and is autistic, so my motivation is not the same as it used to be . I hope to get out of daycare when my youngest is in school full-time because my heart isn't in it anymore.

As far as personalities and balancing your children, there will be struggles. You will find that your children are vastly more difficult then the daycare children. Some personalities will be better adjusted and some won't. My oldest had the most difficult time and was aggressive when young, even before I started daycare. I still remember explaining to a parent that my daughter had bit her child . . . most embarrassing conversation . I'm glad it only happened once and she outgrew her aggressiveness, but it's still something to consider.

Now all of my daycare families have to deal with the round-the-clock therapies needed for our youngest daughter. It has been unfortunate, but they have been very understanding.

Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist

My daughter was born into this and the one I am pregnant with now will be as well. My daughter is currently being evaluated so it might be a different experience than others. However, her behavior is the worst behavior of any of the 12 children each day/most days. This didn't really start until age 3. I have no real explanation for it and it is incredibly challenging.

However, I still wouldn't change the way I did things. I think this has been very valuable for her to be a part of (and has been great for me to raise her and later homeschool her) and the other kids don't struggle because of her behaviors at all (there's no biting or anything of the sort). Just makes for an extra tired mama some days.

Just wanted to give you a virtual hug and commiserate . I hope everything goes well for your daughter and they help come up with strategies to help her behavior.