Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Parents and Guardians Forum

Parents and Guardians Forum Parents and Guardians should post and answer questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-22-2017, 11:52 PM
debif's Avatar
debif debif is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Unhappy How Do I Confirm If My Toddler Son Is Being Sexually Abused In Daycare

Our toddler (2 year old) son started going to daycare about three weeks ago. Last week I noticed a strange change in his behavior during diaper changes or bath time. He starts to clench his thighs really tightly and tenses and says 'stop it, no' and cries when I try to open his legs wide in order to clean his diaper area. I initially thought he was just playing difficult with me, as he sometimes fusses when I am changing his diapers, however he doesn't fuss when his dad changes him. Even when he fusses it's not because I'm wiping his genital area, its usually because he doesn't want to lie down. So I got worried when my husband also called my attention to him really tightening up and crying when he was bathing him and wanted to clean his privates area. We took him to see an express care physician over the weekend to know if he was having any infection or pain in his genitals and was told there was nothing physically seen that looked out of line, he was not in pain nor anywhere swollen. We were told that it might just be a passing phase, but we should take him to his pediatrician if he continues to show these signs. The only thing my mind goes to is his daycare. Could this be a sign of sexual abuse in daycare? There are no physical signs, bruise, swelling etc in or around his genital area that may show if anything is been done against him.I asked his class teacher if they noticed anything worrisome when they change his diapers and was told not at all. I don't know if this is a lie or not. Is there a way I can go about confirming if anything nefarious is going on at his daycare, how can I handle this so I get to the bottom of what may be going on.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-23-2017, 11:35 AM
sahm1225's Avatar
sahm1225 sahm1225 is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Midwest - where winter never ends!
Posts: 1,707
Default

Well.... I've had about 20something 2 year olds in my daycare throughout the years and in my experience, the not wanting their diaper changed was a phase. I had toys they could only play with at the changing table and that helped distract them enough for me to change the diaper. Once they realized that it was a quicker process if they didn't fuss, they typically stopped fussing.

But honestly, if your thought process went that someone is potentially molesting or abusing your child, I think you really need to think about WHY that was your first thought. Is there anything else that would lead you to that?

If you google '2 year old fighting diaper changes' or something similar, you would get tons and tons of forums discussing it and tips to get over that stage.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-23-2017, 11:43 AM
EntropyControlSpecialist's Avatar
EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
Embracing the chaos.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: A toasty environment!
Posts: 7,430
Default

I might ask if I can observe around the corner to see how they're engaging your child to prevent this behavior during diaper changes. It's likely he is doing it there as well. However, if he isn't then it might just be a phase. You'd know after observing a diaper change.

If I ever felt like my child was being sexually abused I would find a new facility.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-23-2017, 02:48 PM
debif's Avatar
debif debif is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Default

The reason why my thought went to possible sexual abuse at daycare is he just started the daycare about three weeks ago. He dint use to act panicky, tightening his legs, not wanting us to open his leg for cleaning privates area, saying emphatic stop it and no and crying, when cleaning him up. The only fuss he used to put up before was not wanting to lie down when being changed, that he does not want us cleaning his privates. He doesn't cry when cleaning the butt area just the penis area, he does this also when bathing him, he just doesnt want us touching his privates area for cleaning. If he was only doing this during diaper changes I may have thought it was that he doesnt want to have his diaper changed but its not. We initially thought he may have some infection or so there and that was why we took him to see a doctor, but the doctor said everything looked fine and there was no swollen or bruises seen. So the only other thing that came to my mind was his daycare, especially with everything one hears happens in some daycares.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-23-2017, 03:35 PM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 9,163
Default

Has his urine been darker colored in the early evenings? How often does he have access to water during the day? Is he asking for something to drink (not sweetened) at pick-up often?
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-23-2017, 04:11 PM
debif's Avatar
debif debif is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Default

his urine looks same to me, on the diaper looks clear yellow. They serve milk with breakfast and lunch and they drink water during the day but im not sure what quantity of water he drinks in total. Since Im not sure how much water he drinks in the day, when I go to pick him up I always take a full bottle of water that I mix with a little bit of 100% pure orange juice, not concentrate, to ensure he drinks the whole bottle.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-23-2017, 09:00 PM
sahm1225's Avatar
sahm1225 sahm1225 is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Midwest - where winter never ends!
Posts: 1,707
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
Has his urine been darker colored in the early evenings? How often does he have access to water during the day? Is he asking for something to drink (not sweetened) at pick-up often?
I was also thinking UTI.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-24-2017, 04:06 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 10,975
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sahm1225 View Post
Well.... I've had about 20something 2 year olds in my daycare throughout the years and in my experience, the not wanting their diaper changed was a phase. I had toys they could only play with at the changing table and that helped distract them enough for me to change the diaper. Once they realized that it was a quicker process if they didn't fuss, they typically stopped fussing.

But honestly, if your thought process went that someone is potentially molesting or abusing your child, I think you really need to think about WHY that was your first thought. Is there anything else that would lead you to that?

If you google '2 year old fighting diaper changes' or something similar, you would get tons and tons of forums discussing it and tips to get over that stage.
Agree with this.

Urgent care didn't do a urine sample?

How is he otherwise acting at daycare? Happy when you pick up?

If urgent care saw no signs of abuse, it's probably just a phase.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-27-2017, 07:20 AM
debif's Avatar
debif debif is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4
Default

Took him to his Pediatrician and he was checked again and nothing suspicious was seen, so he said it might just be a phase, but that it was ok for us to come for our son to be checked out so as to be sure nothing wrong is going on. So we are reassured but will still keep our eyes open, we can never be too careful watching out for his well-being.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-02-2017, 08:27 AM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6,164
Default

It could just be that the educators are "rougher" than you are because they need to be faster. Has he ever had a rash on his bum since he started? That can also cause kids to fear diaper changes. Also he has to get used to a stranger changing him so he might be going through a phase of being "shy" about that. I have a child in my care that started doing this and he is also 2. It started after he had a few really bad poops where he ended up with a red sore bum. It hurt a lot to wipe him so now every time I change him he is anticipating it hurting. I never once suspected abuse at home.

I would not say that this would be a symptom of molestation at all in my opinion.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-08-2017, 05:11 PM
hwichlaz's Avatar
hwichlaz hwichlaz is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 1,525
Default

There could be so many reason, but if he was being sexually abused regularly in a way that was hurting him, it would show up during a medical exam.

It could be as simple as they have really cold wipes, he was rashy for a couple of days and it hurt and he remembers that, he doesn't like the way they change him....many possibilities. Have there been other behavior changes?

I have a little one who stiffens her legs up for diaper changes....turned out she's changed on the floor at home, and putting her on my changing table was scaring her a little and making her tense up. I can't change her on the floor so I've worked at getting her used to it, trying to distract her, make it fun etc. Right now, she gets a sticker to mess with while I change her. It sticks to her fingers and keeps her occupied.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
blame game, child development, education, sexual abuse, training courses

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Operating an Unlicensed Daycare Stephan Parents and Guardians Forum 315 06-08-2017 04:52 PM
Toddler Found Wandering Alone After Walking Away from California Daycare sleepinghart Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 9 02-17-2017 01:48 PM
Managing a Newborn in Toddler Daycare LittleScholars Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 12 07-13-2016 12:19 PM
Families Not Prepared For Attending Daycare Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 102 11-14-2013 03:41 PM
Concerns about Daycare owner just concerned Parents and Guardians Forum 10 05-13-2008 12:31 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:40 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming