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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>My Child Hates Daycare
misskjp 07:05 AM 02-04-2019
Hi all -

I just started a before and aftercare business this year. I absolutely love doing it, I have a great group of kids and parents. BUT, my youngest, who is 7, hates daycare. He is frequently disruptive, and is the only one to challenge my authority. I know that much of this is an attention thing. His once cozy, safe space has suddenly been invaded - the other kids play with his toys, and he now has to share the attention of his mother. I do my best to try to give him some extra love and attention whenever I can, but this is difficult when I have 4 other children vying for my attention.

We've scheduled an appointment with a counselor to help work through these issues, because the bad behavior has gotten so severe that we are having daily meltdowns, slammed doors, screaming "I hate you", refusing to come out of his room, etc. I try to react calmly but it's becoming very difficult to run a business with this going on, and I don't want the environment to become toxic for the other kids.

Anyone else in the same boat? What did you do that worked?

Thanks in advance!!
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Rockgirl 07:20 AM 02-04-2019
Originally Posted by misskjp:
Hi all -

I just started a before and aftercare business this year. I absolutely love doing it, I have a great group of kids and parents. BUT, my youngest, who is 7, hates daycare. He is frequently disruptive, and is the only one to challenge my authority. I know that much of this is an attention thing. His once cozy, safe space has suddenly been invaded - the other kids play with his toys, and he now has to share the attention of his mother. I do my best to try to give him some extra love and attention whenever I can, but this is difficult when I have 4 other children vying for my attention.

We've scheduled an appointment with a counselor to help work through these issues, because the bad behavior has gotten so severe that we are having daily meltdowns, slammed doors, screaming "I hate you", refusing to come out of his room, etc. I try to react calmly but it's becoming very difficult to run a business with this going on, and I don't want the environment to become toxic for the other kids.

Anyone else in the same boat? What did you do that worked?

Thanks in advance!!
My son was attention-seeking at that age, too. One suggestion is to have toys that are for daycare, so he doesnít have to share his. I did let my own kids go play alone in their rooms with their toys when they wanted. No daycare kids allowed in their rooms.
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redmaple 07:21 AM 02-04-2019
By age 6 mine did not have to be in the daycare space of the home. She was free to hang out in the home areas. Also her toys were not part of the daycare. I did what I could to have her feel she was at home in her home, and not at daycare.
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Michael 11:03 AM 02-04-2019
Here are a couple of other related threats : https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...+hates+daycare
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Ariana 11:42 AM 02-04-2019
I never let daycare kids play with my kids toys unless my kids said it was ok. He should have his own toys that he can either share or not, up to him. The first step would be to figure out how to get toys just for daycare and keep his toys seperate. My kids also didnít have to follow ALL of the same rules. They were allowed to go to their rooms by themselves if they wanted to play with their toys and pick a different snack. I kept their experience special because they didnít ask to be in my home daycare. I never hugged other kids in front of them either. At one point I set up a special area that just my kid could get into to play. She could invite other kids in if she wanted to, it was great!

I went to a conference with developmental experts who fully supported these methods for keeping the relationship with your own kids in tact. It really is about allowing them to keep their autonomy in your home.
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Cat Herder 12:16 PM 02-04-2019
I did not keep kids our own kids' age. They were never in the daycare. They could come and borrow supplies anytime, but rarely stayed unless they were doing an activity with the group.

When our kids were infants/toddlers, I kept school-agers. When our kids were school agers, I kept infants/toddlers.

It was not always easy but was so worth it.
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Blackcat31 06:42 AM 02-05-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I did not keep kids our own kids' age. They were never in the daycare. They could come and borrow supplies anytime, but rarely stayed unless they were doing an activity with the group.

When our kids were infants/toddlers, I kept school-agers. When our kids were school agers, I kept infants/toddlers.

It was not always easy but was so worth it.
If I operated a child care in my own home I would have done this too. I can absolutely see the benefit.

My kids had the option of going home (their dad worked from home) or knowing if they were at daycare, they were daycare kids just like everyone else. No sharing toys or anything as their person items were at home just like a daycare kids' toys were.

I understand that wanting to allow your own child to have special while in a group of peers is enticing, I disagree that it's a good thing for either party.

I left a daycare where the provider allowed her child to have special. Overall it was a messy situation.

I think kids can be unhappy whether you work from home or outside the home. Either option has it's positive and it's negative. I think teaching your child to see the positive in either option is the best way to teach him/her to cope with something he really should have no control over.

Parents work to support their family. If not working isn't an option then it's not an option. Go to daycare without your mom or be in daycare with your mom.
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boy_mom 06:51 AM 02-05-2019
I agree with PP, sounds like your child needs their own space with their own things. When my son was 5-6 years old, he was allowed to do his own thing during the day. However, when he was in the day care space (finished basement), he was part of the daycare, same rules as everyone else.

He was more than welcome to go up stairs if he wanted a break. I also made a point of never mixing his toys and daycare toys, so if he came downstairs to play, he was not allowed to bring anything from his room and visa versa.

I think creating structure and boundaries really helps. I always had daycare kids my children's age, and this is what worked for us!
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Jiminycrickets 01:23 PM 02-07-2019
I also agree, allow him his own space however possible and only share toys that aren't special to him (my 6 year old doesn't care if dcks play with dress up or blocks or games or that sort of thing, but his legos and Transformers are his.) The only "extra" privileges my kids get are that they are allowed to leave the day care area (sight or sound in my state, so my 3 year old can go play in his own room, too) and get some space from the 5 or more kids that are in their house 10+ hours a day, other than that if they are in the day care area, they follow day care rules. But it seems to be enough for them to be accepting of the day care.
It also may just take time, my 3 year old was not at all pleased when we started doing day care at home a year ago and threw fits and cried when dcks came, but he has gotten used to it and now he asks when his friends are coming. He has figured out he has boundaries still and that he will get his mom back (almost ) to himself when the kids go home.
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rosieteddy 07:08 AM 02-08-2019
I agree with everyone.His toys should be separate.I would have him with the group though.If the ages were the same.I started my Daycare when the youngest 2 were 4 and7 yrs.The year the DC kids were close in age they played together.As they grew out of the age group they did homework and quiet time until DC closed.They fussed a little as they got older and I exolained DC was my job.They were expected to behave.I did know providers who sent their own children to a different DC.I did not want that option.Many years later my two grandsons were enrolled they quickly learned Daycare Nana was different than non DC Nana.They still enjoyed coming and it was invaluable to get to have them each day.Stay strong and teach him how to act.
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Mom2Two 01:05 PM 02-08-2019
DD has a small, separate stash of toys in her room. She's a meek, sweet child though, so I don't get too much behavior from her.

She likes to read, and if the kids get too much for her, she just disappears to her room (if it's not nap time--we use our bedrooms for naps).

She's young enough, and slightly delayed in some ways, that she enjoys playing with the four year olds during nap time.
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