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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Toddler Won't Let me Change Her
Pestle 12:33 PM 04-10-2019
Got a 22mo with a sloppy poop in their diaper. She has started grinning and bolting at changing time. Yesterday, she kicked me in the face while I was putting her down for a nap. Very thrashy these days.

Right now, she's slapping at my hands and trying to dig her hands into her diaper, so I told her I can change her when she doesn't hit and doesn't touch her poop, snapped her bodysuit back up, and we're at a standoff.

I'm disinclined to change a child this old while they're resisting, both because I don't want them learning it's okay for adults to mess around their genitals when they don't want it, and because I'm guaranteed to get poop all over me. Thoughts? Your practices?

(Hopefully this particular instance will be resolved before I have feedback from you guys, because she wants a chair to sit in and I'm telling her no sitting in poop.)
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Pestle 12:48 PM 04-10-2019
I let her cool down, then smiled and said, "Let's try again!" and she threw herself onto the floor and started gagging herself and biting her hand. Changing on the floor has already proved a no-go due to kicking and writhing. I'm afraid the end result of the poop at this point is going to be a trip to the laundry sink for one or both of us. Hooray!

It's almost surely because the parent is traveling for work for the second time in a month. The older sibling is also having trouble today. The babysitter is older and has limited mobility so I don't think calling for pick up/changing is a good option today.

At this point I'm just complaining. There's no fix. Only poop. Alas.
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Pestle 12:57 PM 04-10-2019
Eh, she finally screamed herself to exhaustion and I was able to change her on the floor like an infant. Let's hope that never ever repeats. Is that your advice/experience? Just let the big kids exhaust their big feelings until they let you change them? Or do you call for pick up?
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Cat Herder 01:39 PM 04-10-2019
I just give the look, tell them to knock it off in my mom tone, then change them. If she was raising her hand to me I'd give a stern, loud, NO. The entire room would freeze as that is uncommon and very serious, here.

There is nothing wrong with a stern "No". It has saved many lives.

They can pick between green beans or sweet peas at lunch but not basic needs like a diaper change.
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littlefriends 01:44 PM 04-10-2019
She sounds like a fun one to have!
Iíve never had one that didnít comply after I used my ďIím telling you what to do and youíd better listenĒ voice. I also donít generally take littles under 2 for that reason. Theyíre (toddlers)just so much harder in my view-running away from you, kicking/hitting/biting, that sort of behavior. I think that Iíd probably not call for pick up unless she continued hurting herself/acting out violently.
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LittleExplorers 02:11 PM 04-10-2019
You just don't let them make it an option. I wonder if this little one runs the show at home. Like others said, a stern voice and diaper is changed. Sitting in poop is not an option.
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e.j. 02:54 PM 04-10-2019
If an older kid consistently runs away when I try to get them over to the changing table, I give them a choice: "You can either walk over here like a big kid or I can carry you over like a baby. You have until the count of 3 to make up your mind." Usually they choose to walk over to me. If they start kicking and thrashing once they're on the table, I try a couple of times to nicely ask them to stop, explaining that they're hurting me. If they continue, I get very firm and tell them to "Stop!" or "Knock it off!" I don't usually raise my voice to the kids often so when I do, it catches their attention. I also have a basket of small toys near the changing table. I hand them one to look at and change them while their attention is on the toy.
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hwichlaz 03:30 PM 04-10-2019
sloppy poop?

I'd sit on the floor with my feet on her wrists and get it done before her bottom has bloody blisters on it from marinating.

Then I'd brainstorm with her parents to find a solution.

I have a bunch of gingers here though...super sensitive skin.
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Mom2Two 04:47 PM 04-10-2019
Originally Posted by littlefriends:
She sounds like a fun one to have!
Yes, she does.


This situation kinda reminds me of the consents taught in first aid. The parent has already given you consent to change the child's diaper. It's a biological reality. You are a trusted adult. Maybe don't over-think it.

I'm not in your shoes with the thrashing child, but I know I'd probably try hand held toys, singing engaging songs, quizzing on body parts (that are above the waist) and stuff like that.

I have one lively little boy who likes to have his hands everywhere, but he's three and I quiz him like "Where's your hair? Where are your ears? " etc.

The result of this is that he has an amazing knowledge of his anatomy for a three year old. He knows exactly where his elbows and shoulders are.
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Ariana 05:49 PM 04-10-2019
On the floor for a change with an interesting toy in her hand. Something really interesting that she never has access to.
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Josiegirl 02:05 AM 04-11-2019
I have 2 dcks going through that right now. They just don't want to be bothered. I warn them of what we're going to do. If they cannot walk willingly, I carry them. I'll tell them it's important they stay clean so their bottom doesn't hurt. I'll do as has been suggested and give them a toy to hold or talk/sing with them, then just get it done as quickly as possible. Sometimes it feels like I'm wrangling calves but it's just something they need to have done.
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Pestle 04:02 AM 04-11-2019
It was a massive uncontrolled meltdown and all contact from me made it worse. Yes, of course she got a stern "no" when she slapped at me. She'd already passed the event horizon of freaking out just to freak out and no soothing stimulus worked. This is the same kid whose naptime wake up routine looks and sounds like night terrors.

I am really not okay with sitting on a toddler's wrists to change them.
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Blackcat31 06:26 AM 04-11-2019

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Mom2Two 11:11 AM 04-11-2019
Originally Posted by Pestle:
It was a massive uncontrolled meltdown and all contact from me made it worse. Yes, of course she got a stern "no" when she slapped at me. She'd already passed the event horizon of freaking out just to freak out and no soothing stimulus worked. This is the same kid whose naptime wake up routine looks and sounds like night terrors.

I am really not okay with sitting on a toddler's wrists to change them.
A three year old slapped at you? Did you follow through with more than a "no"?
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hwichlaz 11:14 AM 04-11-2019
Originally Posted by Pestle:
It was a massive uncontrolled meltdown and all contact from me made it worse. Yes, of course she got a stern "no" when she slapped at me. She'd already passed the event horizon of freaking out just to freak out and no soothing stimulus worked. This is the same kid whose naptime wake up routine looks and sounds like night terrors.

I am really not okay with sitting on a toddler's wrists to change them.
I get that. With my little fair skinned redheaded crew though, that would result in bleeding rashes....thus neglect. It's a hard line to walk sometimes.
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Pestle 11:38 AM 04-11-2019
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
A three year old slapped at you? Did you follow through with more than a "no"?
No, there was no three-year-old who slapped at me. There was the child in my thread. She is 22 months.
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Mom2Two 01:51 PM 04-11-2019
Originally Posted by Pestle:
No, there was no three-year-old who slapped at me. There was the child in my thread. She is 22 months.
Sorry! I got mixed up.
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Pestle 04:43 AM 04-12-2019
Ha, after seeing the other thread I wish I hadn't titled this "Won't let me" but something like "When a Meltdown and a Poop Coincide"

Big sibling had a meltdown yesterday after nap. Parent came back from work trip in the afternoon and did pick up. Thank goodness. Big sibling was articulating the problem all afternoon:

"I want my mommy! I miss my mommy!"

and also sobbing and drooling all over himself because he refused to help clean up and then the other kids cleaned up without him WHICH WAS NOT OKAY. Then I had the audacity to recommend he not drool on himself ("BUT I WANT TO") and he went back to his napping mat to moan and mumble for a while. DH and I have a code for this kind of sleep-deprived emotional exhaustion that passes the event horizon of being able to self-soothe or accept help from an adult: it's being "on that island."

In National Velvet, the little brother of Elizabeth Taylor and Angela Lansbury's (!) characters is up too late while Mickey Rooney's character tells him the story of The Black Stallion. When he gets to the part where the horse is rescued, Donald suddenly starts screaming "No, they didn't! He died! He died on that island! He died, he died, he died!" and his dad casually slings him over his shoulder and totes him up the stairs to bed, flailing and hollering "He died on that island!" all the way. When I showed the movie to my family, DH laughed so hard he fell out of his chair and hyperventilated on the floor.

So between this pair and the little guy who's grieving, we're spending a lot of time on that island lately.

Also, Angela Lansbury was fine--stately?--as a 17yo and I don't know how to feel about that, because I'm young enough that my first encounter with her was TV ads for Murder, She Wrote.
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Hunni Bee 01:26 PM 04-15-2019


This actually happened to me last Saturday! This guy I'm SURE is on some sort of spectrum or will be. He's 2, NO language whatsoever - only moans, laughs and cries. Can't feed self, cries when asked to do anything. Hits as a form of communication.

I called him to change him. Runs away. I catch him and bring him to the changing area. Slaps my hands. I grabbed his hand and told him no hitting. He tries to BITE . Noped out of there. He wasn't soaked and his mom was due to arrive in 20 mins.
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ColorfulSunburst 05:00 AM 04-16-2019
I never ask kids if they want to change the diaper. I inform them it's time for changing. I think it's not right to give any child a right to manage a daycare routine. Especially if they are toddlers.
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Tags:discipline - consistency
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