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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Wording for Sending Home Due to Behavior
Ac114 09:56 AM 04-18-2019
I have a 3 year old in care who Iíve had since a year old. This child has been a little more on the difficult end but manageable. Parents are divorced so I only have them part time. In the last few weeks she has amped up on bad behavior. Iíve never sent home a child for bad behavior (only for excessive screaming/crying during nap) she has a 2 year old sister that she routinely hurts on purposes. Like picking her up off the ground and just dropping her, knocking her down, taking toys from her and hitting her etc. but not only that she has purposely screamed during nap to wake everyone up because she doesnít want to nap, will kick at me and thrash when I try to separate her from the group etc. just last week she tore down some decorative flowers that I had hung on the door during one of her tantrums. I always always tell mom and her response is always so passive like ďoh geez, sounds like DCG name. maybe she needs a nap?Ē Like really you donít think I donít put her down for a nap. Iím at my wits end and want to know if this is behavior you would send home for. Iím also drafting up a newsletter and want to put it in as a reminder but donít know what kind of wording to use. Please help me!!!
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Ariana 10:16 AM 04-18-2019
I would have this talk face to face personally. Ask mom about behavior at home and how she deals with it. Then outline a plan that includes specific consequences for actions. Then let mom know that if things do not improve you will be sending home as she is disrupting everyone and being quite violent. Hopefully that gets mom onboard. They likely manage behavior by sitting her in front of the tv in a gated room when she gets home. I know many parents who do this!
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Pestle 10:29 AM 04-18-2019
Yeah, this needs a behavioral plan. And if the other kids in your program are in physical danger, you can't keep her.

In the moment, I'd phrase it like "Maude is expressing some big feelings today and is not able to participate in the program. She will need to be picked up."

Once you have your own system for behavioral plans, you can apply the same system every time you have a child with challenging behaviors. This is a miserable experience, but it's also an opportunity to prepare yourself for future challenges and get through them with less pain and suffering.

Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" helped me. It's written for parents but has a great assessment system for targeting behaviors and approaching them maturely instead of from a place of resentment. I also have Ronald Mah's "Difficult Behavior in Early Childhood: Positive Discipline for PreK-3 Classrooms and Beyond," which I haven't done more than skim but it seems helpful.
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Blackcat31 11:51 AM 04-18-2019
Itís not behavior I would send home for but itís behavior Iíd term for.
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Mom2Two 12:02 PM 04-18-2019
It sounds awful. But the part that really sounds hard is that mom barely cares, if at all. She's not supporting you at all.

She's ignoring the problem. I'm not seeing any route for improvement unless you decide to do the superhero thing and tackle it alone.

Even if you gave this mom an ultimatum, she sounds like the type that would put in a languid effort for maybe one week, then go back to her old habits. It sounds like she just doesn't care and can't be bothered.

If only she knew what awaits her as her kids get older...
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Ac114 11:45 AM 04-19-2019
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
It sounds awful. But the part that really sounds hard is that mom barely cares, if at all. She's not supporting you at all.

She's ignoring the problem. I'm not seeing any route for improvement unless you decide to do the superhero thing and tackle it alone.

Even if you gave this mom an ultimatum, she sounds like the type that would put in a languid effort for maybe one week, then go back to her old habits. It sounds like she just doesn't care and can't be bothered.

If only she knew what awaits her as her kids get older...
She doesnít care and thatís the problem. I was trying to make it bothersome or her problem so she would jump on board before termination. Her parenting views is positive reinforcement only. We donít tell snowflake no because it really hurts her feelings and upsets her. Insert ďeye rollĒ

Iíve had this conversation face to face and through text and itís always the same thing. Well she must have been having a bad day. Both her girls are hard to manage and her parenting is a direct result of it. Blah...
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Mom2Two 12:20 PM 04-22-2019
Originally Posted by Ac114:
Her parenting views is positive reinforcement only. We donít tell snowflake no because it really hurts her feelings and upsets her. Insert ďeye rollĒ

Iíve had this conversation face to face and through text and itís always the same thing. Well she must have been having a bad day. Both her girls are hard to manage and her parenting is a direct result of it. Blah...
I just can't do this kind of situation, even if I wanted to. I am not able to make it work based on what I believe about raising children right.

Unfortunately, if it was me in your situation, I think I'd have to having the talk about not being a good fit.
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Tags:sent home - bad behaviour, term, terminate - bad behavior
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